These 7 Mistakes Kept Me Trapped In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship

We did a lot of wrong things that we shouldn’t have. I’ve even realised that we might have been perfectly in love with each other, but we wouldn’t have survived marriage. His dominant traits would have suffocated me, and I would have shut down. It’s perhaps a blessing that we are now apart.

The mistakes I made

Having lost my partner, I now know of a few things I shouldn’t have done.

1. I’m a woman who likes my peace, and I never get into confrontations. Be it his fault, or mine, I mentally forgave him and left out the heated conversations. I was wrong. I should have fought it out.

2. He was a soft-hearted man, and couldn’t take a rebuke. But he delivered harsh words well. I let him rebuke me, and in exchange never made a noise. I should have complained.

3. Never did I grumble when he couldn’t take time off to talk to me, neither did I nag him. We were in peace, hardly ever fought, and hence I thought we’d make it through.

4. He held an important position at his workplace, and I’m a student, trying to finish my studies. It was obvious that I wouldn’t have much to brag about at this stage. But he never missed a chance to show me that I was unsuccessful, which wasn’t true. I was still growing.

5. He never said how much he loved me. He always said, “I say it better when I don’t say it at all,” and I believed him. I shouldn’t have. I should have demanded his attention, and his affection, instead of being completely patient and tolerant.

6. He used to be away for days, and months, and then return to me as if nothing had happened. But when I got busy, he seemed to be infuriated.

7. He loved me, but his male ego always came between us. He never apologised. Never took his words back. He simply remained angry, and I had to pacify him.

The lessons we learnt

He lost me because of his arrogance, and because I made him believe that I wasn’t going anywhere. He lost me because of his pride and vanity, and failure to acknowledge me; also because he couldn’t forget the traumatic experiences in his past, and speculated that I’d repeat the same. He kept me at a distance.

We all grow in our relationships. We understand each other’s needs. For me, it was emotional growth, because I learnt that I was capable of loving. For him, it was positive too, because he learnt that he was capable of being loved. We now need the opposite experiences to finish our growth. I need to be loved, and he needs to love. I hope we both find our outcomes someday.

This article was first written by Tania Dey for Bonobology.com.

Similar Posts

A former Assistant Secretary with the Ministry of Women and Child Development in West Bengal for three months, Lakshmi Bhavya has been championing the cause of menstrual hygiene in her district. By associating herself with the Lalana Campaign, a holistic menstrual hygiene awareness campaign which is conducted by the Anahat NGO, Lakshmi has been slowly breaking taboos when it comes to periods and menstrual hygiene.

A Gender Rights Activist working with the tribal and marginalized communities in india, Srilekha is a PhD scholar working on understanding body and sexuality among tribal girls, to fill the gaps in research around indigenous women and their stories. Srilekha has worked extensively at the grassroots level with community based organisations, through several advocacy initiatives around Gender, Mental Health, Menstrual Hygiene and Sexual and Reproductive Health Rights (SRHR) for the indigenous in Jharkhand, over the last 6 years.

Srilekha has also contributed to sustainable livelihood projects and legal aid programs for survivors of sex trafficking. She has been conducting research based programs on maternal health, mental health, gender based violence, sex and sexuality. Her interest lies in conducting workshops for young people on life skills, feminism, gender and sexuality, trauma, resilience and interpersonal relationships.

A Guwahati-based college student pursuing her Masters in Tata Institute of Social Sciences, Bidisha started the #BleedwithDignity campaign on the technology platform Change.org, demanding that the Government of Assam install
biodegradable sanitary pad vending machines in all government schools across the state. Her petition on Change.org has already gathered support from over 90000 people and continues to grow.

Bidisha was selected in Change.org’s flagship program ‘She Creates Change’ having run successful online advocacy
campaigns, which were widely recognised. Through the #BleedwithDignity campaign; she organised and celebrated World Menstrual Hygiene Day, 2019 in Guwahati, Assam by hosting a wall mural by collaborating with local organisations. The initiative was widely covered by national and local media, and the mural was later inaugurated by the event’s chief guest Commissioner of Guwahati Municipal Corporation (GMC) Debeswar Malakar, IAS.

Sign up for the Youth Ki Awaaz Prime Ministerial Brief below