Hi Veronica (and all other girls reading this!),
Yesterday, while browsing on YouTube, I came across several videos that highlighted female issues. From menstruation to physical intimacies, love relationships to sexual discrimination, girls education to female independence, there are uncountable issues that need to be addressed.
Every video that I watch, every article that I read, and every person that I talk to these days, reminds me of how unsafe and unsecured our girls are feeling.
But amidst this, something hurts me, surprises me and makes me sad – EVERY MALE IS TAGGED AS A CULPRIT. Every pupil of this branch called MANISM is tagged as a rapist, a pervert, a greedy husband, a heart-breaker, a cheater, and an insensitive person.
This coerces me today to write to you something – something that I hope you can realise. And with you, something that every girl can realise – No, not all males are same. No, not everybody is insensitive. No, not males are rapists.
I often read about menstruation in various articles. I know how painful would it be to bear the unbearable stomach ache without telling it to anybody. Being so watchful about changing sitting and sleeping postures isn’t an easy task. But I feel sad how every male is accused of being unsensitive towards this pain. Believe me, I understand that this is just a normal process that every female undergoes. And yeah, I may not tell you but silently, I do small things that may reduce your pain – or at least you can smile a little bit amidst that pain too! Those chocolate toffees that I brought you that day wasn’t brought because the reason I gave you, “shopkeeper gave me these in lieu of change”, it’s because I read on internet that chocolate reduces stomach pain. Sorry Sorry! I didn’t know chocolates were different from toffees, but you got to give me a credit for trying it.
That day, when Nirbhaya died, I too felt ashamed of being a male. I know rapes have been increasing at an alarming rate in India, and that girls are not secured anywhere. But tagging every boy “a probable rapist” because of this isn’t a solution.
The other day, I saw Aranya Johar’s video where she described how every man thinks of a female body just as a sex operating machine. No, this isn’t the case with everybody. No, your breasts aren’t just something to be sucked, they do an important process – feeding a newly born child for whom mother milk isn’t a pleasure, it is a necessity. Your vagina isn’t just meant to be fucked, it is a part of the body.
You may be with me all day, all night, but you’ll still feel secure with me. I am not a beast who would always be waiting for that single opportunity to tear off your clothes, and make you my prey. No, just because I ‘checked’ a passing girl, doesn’t mean my sexual feelings are aroused and now that girl has no other choice but to be my ‘dinner on bed’.
Oh yeah, another day, when I read an article that described marriage as hymen breaking process – it hurt me. No, not every male has such a narrow thinking.
Physical intimacy is a natural feeling that can come to anybody – and this shouldn’t be the exclusive criteria for assessing the character of a girl.
“All boys break heart of a girl some or other day” – No, not every boy tags a girl as a toy. To some of us, the girls are the most beautiful creatures with whom we want to spend the rest of our lives. Not every male makes a girl cry, some of them cry with girls because they are feeling the same pain a girl is feeling.
I know your life after marriage is still the same, and you would love your identity remaining unchanged. I would also love your identity in the similar way and would care least if you change your surname or not.
In today’s tech world, I too can understand that changing surnames is confined merely to changing surnames on Facebook, Instagram, or other social media for that manner. Your documents would remain same, my love for you would remain same hence that shouldn’t be something which creates a difference between me and you.
No, a girl shouldn’t study just because a boy needs dowry from her parents for marrying her. Dowry is the root cause of many evils that arise after marriage, and believe me, I understand this. That day, when my cousin sister was hospitalised when my in-laws burnt her because of dowry, I cried, and fumed in anger, because that showed the male impotence. That day, I made a firm decision – Even if I have to go against my family someday, I won’t hesitate; I wouldn’t even marry, but I won’t accept dowry at any case.
Males understand that giving birth to a boy child or a girl child is beyond females’ efforts. I want neither a girl child nor a boy child, I just want a child that can complete my family – and I don’t want to define a gender for that sweet gift. If she is a girl child, she’ll be my princess. If he is a boy child, again he’ll be my prince. But loving you is beyond all this – and I will keep loving you .
As an father, not all males consider their daughters a burden. We are living in the 21st century where everybody has realised the importance of career. I know a female’s career is utmost important to her – I wouldn’t want to hamper a female’s career at any cost be it my wife/ daughter/ sister/ girlfriend.
At last, I would like to say you – Understand that not every boy is the same, boys that understand and feel a girl’s feelings do still exist. Entire world isn’t still the most unsafe place to live for you girls – you can still feel secure being with us.
Yours,
Hardik (and all other boys that felt what I am feeling!)