An open letter

Posted by Tara maheshwari
November 12, 2017

Self-Published

I am the soul who you almost shattered.

I was young,innocent and a dreamer.
I wanted to go places and make my people proud.

You came to me and told me that I was useless,careless and stupid.
All I did was fail an exam.
You know what’s the worst thing?
I believed you.
The day I needed strength ,I chose to ignore my efforts and pain.
I stopped dreaming that I would do something big.

The next time, I was an untouchable.
Just because nature decided that was the time for a monthly remainder.
I took a mat and sat in a separate room for three whole days.
Isolated and humiliated.
I stopped feeling respected that day.

Then day after day, I checked for bra straps.
I wore dresses with sleeves and made sure they do not have a low neck.
I wore only loose fitted dresses.
I tried to exercise more and stop eating so much.
That’s when I stopped feeling pretty.

You hurled abuses at me, ignoring my opinions and putting me aside with a shake of head.
You never said a word when others were there. You never raised a hand . You let the cloud of disapproval hang above me,judging my every step.
Those days I stopped believing that I was worth it.

I ran away from shadows.
I ran away from darkness .
I ran away from the crowds, the cat calls, the shifty eyes,the so called mistaken touches and from remarks.
Then I stopped feeling innocent and safe.

 

You judged me for talking with boys, for speaking my mind, for being strong enough to hold my head high, for not gossipping, for talking with the girls you designated as sluts, for wanting alcohol,for being at parties, for standing up for myself,for short dresses, for my childish crushes, for my dreams, for being okay with who I am,for being a single heartbeat in a crowd that wanted to be extraordinary.

But guess what.. I am more than I ever lead to believe I was.
I am more than every compliment and complaint I received.
I am more than the society’s estimation of me.
Because everyday I stand in front of mirror and I see myself. I do not see the face there like you do.
I see a warrior. Each and every fight I ever faced to become what I am today.
Bloodied but unbowed.

I am a powerful,brave,funny,smart,proud, successful woman and I have every reason in the world to be.

 

 

 

 

 

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