“shut up. just shut up. stop blabbering about how you feel unworthy. enough of it. you don’t know what it does to me…… ouch!”
“oh, did it hurt? sorry… ” she continues dressing his wounds.
” yes, it hurts, but your words does it more”
” i know… but say nah, what to do?…. i feel like.. like.. “
” you don’t talk to me… and do it fast… i hate these bandaging and all. “
” i am doing it slowly so that you don’t get hurt. i don’t care if you hate it or not”
“yeah, ok” his voice gets soft “love me, and i won’t understand. do something to show that you love me and i will understand”
“hmm.. and what shall i do?… by the way, how do you get so much blood, so often… i mean… “
” people, dear, people… aah… its always them. whether i get hurt, or i get healed, its always them. “
” stop being Jesus! why don’t you take care of yourself. you are not weak, that they will beat you. they don’t dare it, for heaven’s sake. i know that. but my problem is that you help them so so much that they take you for granted and the consequence is… “
” look, who’s telling… ” he laughs.
” i don’t understand you. you have so many people who works for you. and yet.. “
” and yet, i have none. and yet, i have no one who works for me” he smiles.
“you are so strong even with these blood and wounds.. ” tears starts streaming from her eyes.
” stupid! i will go away now if you do this. its very annoying!”
“you didn’t answer my question. what shall I do? “
” yeah” he continues ” as i told, show me. show me that you love me and i will understand, sure”
“stop weaving riddles. tell me exactly ” she continues his first aid.
” so foolish, you are.. ” he giggles.
” yes, yes. i am.” she makes a face.
“come, come here! he holds her hand.
“what? wait… only a bit left…. hush! just see what you do to yourself… oh my lord! “
” eh! leave all these… i can manage it.. come here. “
” of course, you can manage. but i can’t “
” you won’t listen to me?” he asks angrily.
“ok, don’t be angry … i am doing these for you and in return you are scolding me.. how unfair…. i know you can manage….please”
“do you care? “
” see, its over. here i am.” she sits on the floor and stares above at him.
he smiles.
“one moment, you are angry as hell, and the other, you smile like heaven… so confusing.. now tell, what shall i do to show you that i love you “
he takes a deep breath and takes both of her hand ” see i know that. i know that you love me and… “
” but, but… you told that… “
he puts his finger on her lips ” what do you believe, i know or i don’t? “
…….” i believe you know. you know everything”
“correct. so listen. understand that you have to show me. you have to. “
” how?”
“you know that i have so many people who work for me and yet i have none. that is true. you, work for me! its a way to show me. “
she lowers her head ” do you have trust in me?”
he strokes her hair “go ahead. i have faith in you.”
she looks up and starts shedding tears.
he continues “now, crying is a big obstacle if you work for me.”
“what do i have to do?”
“good question. your work is different from other people. now know that, to work for me is much much harder than anything else.”
“yes,you just tell me!”
he smiles and continues
“you are stupid. very stupid. you have a stupid heart which easily gets happy and easily gets sad merely just by people’s actions. you have to control that. you have to make your heart strong. stronger enough. that is a work, you will do for me.
wait. there’s more. you have to stop self doubting. always remember, the capabilities you have is not for granted. God gave you that. so if you work for me, you have to believe in yourself. spread your precious talents to the world. show up. you have to show up. “
He snorts and continues ” aah…these injuries hurts sometimes..no! you don’t get up. i am not finished yet. what was i telling.. yeah, and just get the point that people whom you love will hurt you, yes they will but that doesn’t mean that you will swell your eyes for it. you have to be strong, again i repeat. and if they accuse you without any reason, just remember that Jesus was considered guilty and satan and was murdered. and after years and years, we consider him as the son of God. its human nature. they will not value you until you are gone. don’t you remember what Anne Frank told? ‘dead people receive more flowers than the living because regret is stronger than gratitude’ and the more you offer themselves to take you for granted, the more valueless you become.
see, i am not that type who will beat the shit out of people who deceives you. i will rather teach you how to hold the sword and how to wear the armour and then push you to the battlefield where YOU have to fight. keep in mind that, you are not only fighting for yourself but also for me. its your work.
you harm yourself, you fail and so i fail.
you harm others, you fail and so i fail.
you save yourself by defeating them with love and also with rage, you win and so i win. “
” can i do it? “
” that’s self doubt right there again. you can and you will.”
“yes” her voice can’t be more soft.
“say it loud!”
“YES”
“what’s your work? “
” i have to make my heart strong. stronger enough to survive”
“no, not stronger enough to survive. stronger enough to live, to love”
“yes, and i have to believe in myself”
“good… and? “
” i have to fight”
“that’s the main point. how? “
” if i harm myself, i fail”
“there’s one more who will fail”
“yes i have to fight for you. if i harm myself, i fail and so do you. if i harm others, then too i fail, and so do you. “
” go on”
“but if i save myself by defeating them with love and also rage, i win and so you win”
“good. very good. these are your duties if you work for… one minute, you are working for? “
” you. only you. “
” can you do it? “
” if only you teach me to hold the sword and to wear the armour “
” i will. you have to just be with me. otherwise i will slap you “
” oh, ok. “
” and i can, you know that”
“unfortunately. ” she says ” never leave me”
“i will not” he gets up and walks away.
“there, i told you nah don’t lea… “
he cuts her words ” i am going to bed, you fool” he steps back and holds her face “promise me, you will never let me fail!”
“i promise. “
he kisses her forehead and laughs ” you will always remain stupid, you know that? “
” with you, always”
“i shall be with you forever. just remember one thing” he hugs her.
“i know what to remember “
” say it then”
“that i am Aryan Chatterjee’s sister, that i am your sister…. little one” she smiles
“always the little one” the hug becomes tighter.
//Sikha Sengupta //
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sikha sengupta.