I Struggled With Depression Without My Family Because They Didn’t Believe It Was Real

Posted by Sushil Pillai in Mental Health
November 23, 2017

I’ve always claimed to be an aspiring filmmaker. The intimidation about failure never percolated into my desire. The day which undermined my intensive belief of being a passionate rational human being, was during my graduation. I felt as if every hour was meant to denigrate my mind.

I was in the final year of my media studies. I questioned myself for about two years and asked myself if I was all right. Eventually, a voice inside approached me and I decided to leave the college and stay with myself, spend time with myself and be myself.  The helpless situation becomes more awful and complicated when there is nobody around you. I cried in front of my family, expressing and explaining to them that I was unfit.

They held my hands and said, “It’s common.” I screamed and said, “I am mentally ill.”

They didn’t believe me.

I told them that I cry during the nights and fall asleep during the day. Moreover, I told them that I pretend that I’m all right. When I finished my uninterrupted speech, they agreed with me in pain and despair that related to my academic impact. Nobody could believe me. “Leaving college, just five months prior to its completion is ridiculous. Nobody does that. All you need is some determination.”

The awareness among the middle class society regarding mental health is minimal. Those who go through depression, anxiety or stress have to embrace all of the disturbance because society does not recognise it. Some people even say that it’s about your ability to boost your endurance. At some point, you end up fancying being all right. I did the same.

It’s important to make sure your mind feels good, because that is what would make you feel good. Eight months have passed since that incident and my family has never spoken about it since. They say that I’ll regret it afterwards and nobody around me wants to believe that I was depressed. I had to fight it myself. At a time when I was suffering, only a few people held me and understood me. I’m not going to say that what I went through was huge, but it was really hard. There may be many people around me who may be depressed, but maybe they don’t realise it.

While visiting a psychologist or psychiatrist is not a big deal, the society where I come from considers it to be.It’s important to understand that empathy is necessary in our surroundings. However, apathy has already established itself.

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