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PHOBIA AND ME
NOTE: This post has been self-published by the author. Anyone can write on Youth Ki Awaaz.
If I tell you that I have phobia ,you definitely think what rubbish he is talking about every body has a phobia ,But what I am going to mention is very awkward situation for a Writer yes! I am suffering from Graphophobia or scriptophobia “fear to write anything”.Apart from most people , I am the person who is afraid of rejections,fear of being criticized.this episode triggers me in panic each and every time when I have to write something ,although I love to write poems,dramas,short plays,and I want to be a writer but due to lack of self esteem my imaginations and thoughts got buried inside me before coming out with ink on paper.
Writing ideas and thoughts usually therapeutic yet I think it can trigger anger,misunderstanding ,sadness or evoke others emotional responses.here is short story which happened to me I would like to share with.Almost 7 or 8 years ago I use to write diary entry of my happening around me.As everybody have some dark secrets with wounds and tears as enclosure it happened with me also,and I mentioned it in a brief ,Once unfortunately somehow my diary was exposed to a group of persons whom I never dreamt to show my diary even in nightmares. After all dark secrets are dark secrets can’t be shared with any one and my diary was like a computer coding in which all dark secrets and events of my life was assembled. And it was decoded as my authentication was violated .Everybody was judging me,Its totally screwed me up,depressed and fragile me was embarrassed why I did so , why I written all these things? from that day i decided NO! I will not share my public or private views with paper if matter became public again it can lead to a paranoia .This incident made me scriptophobic.
But time passed I tried to over came from it but traces where still there ,I use to write poems related to me , my views in night only to avoid to be seen by others. I am very particular about where and what I am writing And till now I barely manage to write my projects , exam papers and all stuff .I use voice recorder, for my poems , plays or usually snapshot my notes either xerox them and my good wishers think I am lazy guy. I am trying hard to overcome but as we all know “Rome was not build in a day” and a result slowly I am coming on track today I made this practice true, And I completed this task unfortunately one more time in hope not being seen I lid up my laptop made sure every body is slept and turned off lights i guess darkness suits me, But I am glad I did this with a paper full with words and a phobia called graphophobia .
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