Posted by Suchi Mahanta
November 26, 2017

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Corridor was my favorite place at the school, for the time had framed many beautiful memories for me in there.

There were occasions when he was headed towards me, at distant but I used to drop my head pretending to check on my shoelace. I always had been this, too scared to chin up and look straight into his eyes. Always felt those butterflies with-in, jitters in stomach and tremendous goose-bumps, on catching his glimpse! He passed by me carelessly tossing his hair back, talking to his friends, laughing. Maybe, he didn’t notice me. But then, had I been glad if he had done so? Wandering, I walked to our classroom, strolling across to the farther-most corner seat. It was my favorite spot since no one would notice my occasional glances to the third row. The same place where I had first chance upon him. I was fond to steal peeks at him before a class, after a class, in between a class. Although, his side face was what I had stared most of the time! It was the once-in-a-blue-moon moments when he used to turn around to talk to the guy sitting next to him, giving me his fuller view that used to take my breath away. However, there were times when him turning away filled me with immense guilt, guilt that I made him conscious. He has these really long eyelashes on him, every time he had a doubt it would make him flicker his eyes, in rapid succession for at least five times, before raising his hand and putting forward his doubt to the teacher.

It was nauseating then, it is better now. What felt laden then, brings a smile on my face today. That phase was heady, intoxicating, exhilarating, addictive and captivating, all at once! I had many fantasies then – to take long walks, to catch humdrum talks, to listen to his songs, and to watch him for hours long! To pass him some fascination, some awe, some admiration and some love. No wonder emotions act so funny, how they contradict themselves and how they unleash our mind to imagine wild, unreal things, things beyond practicality and without reasons! It’s quite an exaggeration to feel this, but guess what we all go through this stage at one time or other.

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