I Was Too Young To Speak Out The First Time I Was Abused, Not Anymore

Posted by Sakshi Singh in Gender-Based Violence
November 11, 2017

I was young. I was naive. And, I was too naive to realise that people could be sexually attracted to me. I was to young to realise that I can sexually excite a middle-aged man and provoke him to touch and feel my vagina. I was shocked and could not respond. I could not decide the nature of the act. At first, I thought that it was just an accident – a mere innocent touch.

But it kept happening. He kept touching me and I was numb. I was angry, confused, sad and too shocked to respond. I wanted to stomp on his feet so hard that he cries, but I couldn’t. I was only 11-years-old. I don’t remember his face. He was just a regular middle-aged man. Nothing about his appearance could have revealed his true self. But I guess that’s how everyone is – masked and hidden behind a regular friendly face.

I still hate him. I still wish that I could’ve done something to stop him, to punish him. I wanted to make him realise that he could not just do this to any girl or any person and just get away with it. I wish I could have made him realise that his heinous act was capable of leaving a permanent scar in somebody’s memory.

I couldn’t share this with anyone. It was the first time something like that happened to me, but it wasn’t the last. It happened again. Incidents like this kept happening and I couldn’t do anything even once. I think I should have. I should have at least told this to someone close to me. But I couldn’t and I know there are many like me who wish to change their past, who wish that they had said something.

I now vow to take action against these people. I won’t be quiet this time, I am not naive anymore. The incident isn’t buried deep inside me anymore. I’m sharing this with you, with all of you. To all the girls who still face this, please don’t hold back. Fight. Fight every time you need to. Fight for yourself and fight for the girl next to you who is facing abuse but is too naive to realise or do anything.

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