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The guilt

Posted by Drashti Modasara
November 13, 2017

NOTE: This post has been self-published by the author. Anyone can write on Youth Ki Awaaz.

22nd April 2017: The most horrible thing had happened that day. She was told the most terrible truth of her life. She had been suffering from ‘lung cancer’. To make it worse, the cancer had spread to other organs as well and was now incurable.

Her parents, relatives and even her friends were all shocked. According to them, the only reason why such a disease affected their daughter could have been ‘air pollution’ or ‘second-hand smoke’. Everybody pitied her condition.

Little did they know that only she was to be blamed for this.

Swati had been smoking for a couple of years. She was influenced by her seniors in college who told her that smoking was cool. Alas, her lungs didn’t agree and she had started experiencing various symptoms like chest pain and weight loss about six months ago. With the passage of time, her face had become paler and her body skinnier. Her lips were blackened and eyes were swollen. She also faced a lot of trouble in breathing and swallowing. She remained unconscious for the most part of her day.

But whenever she was awake, fully conscious, she would do nothing but regret.

She knew she was going to die and did not have much time left. She thought about her childhood. Swati had been a fun-loving and active child. Her mom and dad would do everything they could to make her happy. As a child, Swati never lied to her parents, especially to her mom. It was a wonderful bond they shared. But as she grew up, she made new friends: friends that taught her to be independent; to enjoy the freedom that her parents gave her. Deep inside, she always knew that what she did was wrong. ‘Smoking Kills’. She knew this. She knew the consequences. Yet, she smoked.

She was the only one responsible for her bad health and the loss of money that would be spent on her treatment. She was responsible for what happened to her.

She now felt as if she was betraying her own parents. She felt guilty, not because she smoked. But because she had to die with this guilt. She did not wish to disappoint her parents by letting them know the truth.

Hence, she had no choice but to feel sorry for herself.

P.S. : I am posting this story on Quora as well. Do upvote my answers there!

Thanks for reading!!


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