18…. Such a confusing age.
I turned 18 a few months ago. On my birthday,I was really happy that I was stepping into a new phase. A phase that will change everything. A phase that will put an end to all my childish habits. Little did I know that the childishness was the best thing that had ever happened to me. At that point, I was really happy with all changes. In fact I thought those changes were actually great and was turning me into a better person when suddenly, I realized things were changing a little too much. I tried my best to cope up with the pace of things but I felt like everything was falling apart. That was when it actually hit me that I was 18. I am supposed to have responsibilities now.
As a kid, I was always pampered and every habit of mine was taken care of by my mother and father. They drove me to a friend’s place when I wanted to meet her, they took me out to restaurants when I wanted to grab a bite. They took care of everything I needed. And every time I wanted to go out with a friend without their help, I had to undergo a series of drama from “when did you grow up so quick?” to ” now are you so big that you won’t even listen to us?” In the end, I would somehow stay back home and study because that was all that mattered.
Now that I’m 18, they are suddenly not ready to help me. They want me to be independent now. When I ask them to give me ride to my friend’s house, they ask me to take the bus. When I ask them to drop me to college on the days my college bus doesn’t arrive, they ask me to go with a friend. When I force them, they say and I quote ” you’re 18 now. Learnt to be independent”. How am I supposed to quit being a parasite just out of the blue! The only reason I’m worried is because all my friends of my age are already independent. Why is this only my problem? Is it because of my parents or am I just complaining?
These are some of the questions running in my mind since I turned 18. And there’s this new confusion about am I an adult or am I still a child? I know the age says I am an adult and I should be able to handle any situation with maturity. But the problem is I am not able to. I am not able to handle certain relationships that people of my age are easily and completely capable of doing. When I share these problems with a few trusted people, they ask me to forget about things and focus on brighter things which they usually do and it’s not hard for them at all. But again, why can’t I? And it’s not like I haven’t given it a try. I have reminded myself more than a million times that there are several things that could be done than sit and worry about it. Infact I even tried doing these things. I tried going out alone, I tried spending some time with myself, I tried everything it took. Nothing worked for me! Maybe something will in the future, maybe not!
Until then, all I can do is try.