In today’s day and age, the amount of misconceptions we regard as the gospel truth are staggering. The concepts of passion and procrastination have been incorporated into our being. Hard-work seems like an ancient phenomenon. Who am I blaming? Even I’m prey to this mentality.
Every crisis in my life has been about losing interest after obsessing over something for a long period. Varied interests have only served as hindrances because I’ve catapulted from one keen interest to another. I’ve molded one interest into an apparent passion and then, very conveniently, I’ve trashed it in the name of moving forward with what concerns me in the present.
The stack of information and theories, the research and the Buzzfeed quizzes that have been thrown my way have only left me perplexed. I feel like my entire generation has been thrown into a box full of angst and anxiety.
I’ve been labeled above-average at so many things that I fail to understand what is it that I’m actually interested in. I wish I had limited options – viable, but limited options. I wish I wasn’t dreaming of writing a film sitting in my ‘urban poor’ bubble.
I wish I hadn’t read Sigmund Freud or Plautus. I wish that as a 10-year-old, I would have stopped dreaming of trying to one day beat Michael Phelps at his game.
Whether it’s relationships or job opportunities, the innumerable options available only make me incapable and indecisive while everybody expects my over-indulgent self to excel.
I’ve delved deep into behavioral psychology, into deep dark waters, and into the magical world of words and I’m struggling to make a choice between the innumerable passions that seemingly surround me.
The concept of change encapsulates fear and excitement with such finesse that we’re all magnetically drawn to it. In this day and age of extreme competitiveness, I’m fighting the battle of whether or not I ought to stand out.
I’m sure that I don’t stand alone in this debate that I have with myself every night, turning and tossing in my cozy bed of privilege.
Time and again, I’ve been acquainted with the idea of owning the skill but so often have I been stung by the incapability of creating something magnificent out of it.
As a generation, we’ve been fed with ideas like our passion driving our profession and of seemingly effortless jobs – so much so that we’re indifferent to working hard to achieve immortality in terms of creativity.
We’re fighting patriarchy while living in homes driven by it, we’re raging feminists who are yet to undo their own sexist conditioning. We’re looking for that one thing that will make us look like a force to reckon with when we know that it is consistency, and consistency alone, that makes for a polished draft; that every job is a nine to five job, but it is overtime work that makes it look like you went the extra mile.
Ambition is misunderstood as one’s identity, which is why we’ve made it the sole source of receiving validation from what we refer to as our society. I don’t understand why what defines us is what we do for a living, when most of us are unhappy doing it.
I, for one, had the privilege of pursuing an unorthodox degree and further deciding upon an unorthodox field as my career path because it is an emotion that my parents felt lacking in their day and age. It surprises me that even in the context of an urban life, most people I know still don’t have this privilege.
I’m a 20-year-old pursuing a degree in English Literature from Delhi University with a keen interest in cinema and stand-up comedy, and it wasn’t making the decision of shifting to Mumbai that was tough, it was addressing it in front of my friends and family.
I’m unaware if it is the fear of failure, or diving into an ocean of the unknown, or the fact that I’m going to quit all this comfort for something which appears so insignificant to the people in my immediate surroundings – but so far, I’ve managed to accept it and decided to take the plunge without thinking of what the consequences might be.
I have a few months ahead of me till this drastic change will be my accomplice, and despite how much I despise my ambition becoming my identity, I’m going to have to spend the next six months continuing to explain to my mother why it is so important for me to see if I’m capable of becoming what I someday hope to be.
During a screenwriting workshop, my mentor (Satyanshu Singh) mentioned how what unifies people into feeling an emotion during a film is the creator understanding the importance of providing catharsis and that’s when I knew what I wanted to be.
I’m still unaware of the medium I’ll end up choosing, but I know that I want to be on that end of the spectrum, I want to provide people with that cathartic experience.
In my ambition, I’ve put a pin on purpose and that is what has made it easier for me to decide. My passion might fade, contrary to popular belief, but the need to fulfill a purpose wouldn’t be a fire waiting to be stifled.