Bisexual people have been members of the queer community who, according to the society, get the “best of both worlds”. Is it actually that simple?
If we get rejected by a guy, we definitely have the option of going out with a girl because what’s the difference anyway, right? Wrong. The assumptions made are mostly because the binoculars we use do not allow us to see the complete landscape.
Most people think that bisexual people are confused about their orientation – these assumptions are not exclusive to straight people. I’ve come across gay people as well who think bisexual people are more likely to cheat on their partners of the same sex and with someone from the opposite sex.
I know of guys who press the ‘play’ button in their heads to imagine up a scenario of sensuous girl-on-girl action the moment they discover that I’m bisexual. I’ve had men trying to ‘set me up’ with some woman who isn’t straight. No, I never asked for that ‘favour’. But then, does anyone care? Not really – they think they’re ‘being nice’ so it does not really matter if I want it or not.
Just like straight people aren’t questioned or told what to do and what not to do regarding their sexuality, others expect the same. “Live and let live” is a phrase we all love. We can fall in love with a man or a woman and it’s the falling for someone part that we can connect with. I’ve been asked things like who do I prefer over whom? Or am I a man or a woman while dating someone of the same sex? How come I’ve never experienced a threesome?
These questions aren’t funny; in fact, they just make us realise how our emotions don’t really matter much. Let’s not miss out the women who pretend to be into other women because apparently, guys find it ‘hot’.
It is also assumed that if you have been with a man and a woman, you must be up for a threesome. Not only does this erase consent and choice, it is sad to see that an individual’s sexual orientation makes others perceive them as nothing more than what they’re capable of inside the bedroom. Yes, I do get attracted to both men and women, but trust me, it’s definitely beyond their genitals.
I was on a Tinder date with this really amazing woman from New York who happened to be in New Delhi just for a day. As she was a tourist in my city, it was my job to take her out to a fun place. So, I took her to one of my favourite places to party. It was a ‘ladies’ night’, which meant alcohol and a lot of dancing, but there were really intelligent conversations as well (Yes, that does happen you know).
Did our conversations have a lot of sexual innuendos? Well, I’m really sorry to disappoint you but it was more about the economy, mental health and food. By the end of the night, I felt really tipsy and I threw up as well, but guess what? My date and I did not hook up because I was drunk. She got me in the car and as I left for home, believe me, I was embarrassed to the core.
The next morning when I woke up, there was a text message on my phone which said, “Hey! I had an amazing time after a really long time and please don’t get embarrassed for throwing up because haven’t we all been there? Also, if it’s okay with you, I’d love staying in touch.” We never met again but she was one of the most adorable persons I’d been out on a date with.
For a lot of people, this story may be surprising. Why? Because we have a certain view about what bisexual people are supposed to be like. The term bisexual does not mean a person who is the epitome of horniness or someone who is deprived of sex; it also does not refer to fickle individuals who would go for a girl if dumped by a guy, and vice versa. Because, hey! We do like people for who they are.
I have nothing against anyone but the perception regarding an individual’s sexual orientation – we need to understand that it is way beyond what happens underneath the sheets.