As a kid, being an innocent soul, I always had this urge to grow up at a rapid pace and get to taste the life of an adult.
During my school days, I had only a few friends belonging to my age. I remember sticking to my seniors, only to see how it feels to be a grown-up. It was fun imitating the way they used to address each other, their plans to bunk school and hang around, their plans to approach their crush – all these things amused me.
I remember, the senior girls after school, would rush to the restroom to put on eyeliner or kajal or lip balm. Life was easy and full of excitement all the time. We never had to care about anything, and the only constant thought used to be, “What fun is in store for us next?”
I was a soul full of life, and I do not remember a single day which I did not live to the most. Even the scolding from teachers and those punishments, could never bring my spirits down. I even remember asking permission from my Maths teacher to leave the class with two of my friends without thinking of the consequences.
But then maybe good days do not last long. I started growing up, as I had always wanted to be, but the fun and frolic which I assumed to be more at this stage started sinking slowly.
Growing up was not actually easy. I started experiencing things I never wanted to, but maybe this is the so-called part and parcel of life. The constant pressure of being independent made me more anxious, and my confidence started sinking. I started missing those enjoyable days, and I prayed to get them back again, but then I could only say the words, “I so wish.”
There was always this comparison between my friends who scored more than me, ultimately making me sadder. Slowly, I could feel the soul full of life turn into a lifeless soul slowly.
There have been times in my life where I have been left uncared, hurt and broken. There have been such times where I would crave to be hugged, cuddled and loved despite being a mess.
I would long for someone to give me a patient hearing, to put back my broken pieces together and to comfort me in my anxiety and stress and to uplift my spirits when I got tired of not getting my feelings reciprocated. I started realizing that my innocent laughter was lost. The small things which used to bring solace in my life, no longer remained anything precious. I realized that nobody gives a damn to what goes in your life so instead of sharing my loneliness, those thoughts which led to sleepless nights, I found myself lost, trying to restore my broken pieces.
But I learnt to survive through this exhaustive phase of life, constantly torn between my past and present. I learnt to survive amidst those selfish souls who tried to and still try to bring me down. I learnt to let go of people, things, holding onto whom would threaten my peace of mind. I learnt people ultimately choose to fulfil their own selfish motives despite our continuous genuine efforts to keep them in our lives.
Nowadays relationships or friendships is equal to Bluetooth. In case people continue to be in the same place as per their requirements, they stay connected otherwise they end up searching for new devices. The value of efforts is no longer prevalent anywhere, dating endless people and breaking each others’ trust has become the trend. Amidst this chaotic scenario, I have learnt to survive it all, and I realised that the only person who can pamper myself is me and nobody else.