Yo! Ae listicles still a thing? I thought I’d try one of my own. Here goes.
Here are 10 types of farts we’ve all let out, but we never talk about:
1. The Toxic Smelly Poo
This is the monster you let out under your blanket, surprised a your own monstrosity. The smells has the potency to wake you up, and burn your blanket. This is the one that makes you go, “What the hell was that? Was that me? How’s this possible? How can one bowl of chhole do this by God!”
2. The Chair Squeak
This is the one that’s silent, but you let it out against a chair or on the floor, and damn you’ve been caught! This is that squeak in the middle of that meeting, or a date. And if it’s a toxic smelly poo + a squeak, you’re in for a fun ride (but nobody around you will be, Lord save them).
3. The Watery Bubble Burst
Ladies, ever been gassy as hell on your period? Yup, farts and gas during periods is as common as patriarchy in Indian households. This is the bubbling, slightly watery no-noise fart that leaves a wet feeling behind. It makes you squirm a bit uncomfortably, and feels like farting in a swimming pool. (Yep, we’ve all done that, mostly to see the bubbles.)
4. The Tyre Burst
This is the heavyweight no-smelly fart, like the clean burst of a tyre. Dhadaam! It’s done. No nonsense, but can tear through your PJs. Pro tip: Never be sitting on a chair when you feel this one, unless you want to be a living firecracker. And don’t act like you don’t know when you’re letting out a tyre burst. Everyone knows.
5. The Poop Spray Gun
This is the one with a streak of poop. Remember when you had diarrhoea and you streaked your underwear with poop along with a smelly bomb? You were probably a kid, but we’ve all done it. It’s literally like a spray gun, a pichkari. Pichuk.
So, there. That’s my listicle and I hope you had a lot of fun reading this. Do share with your friends saying, “Omg what the hell is this” even though you what we’re exactly talking about here. Cheers! (Leave a comment with more listicle ideas. I take readers’ suggestions very seriously.)