“All rooms are occupied today baby. Go and sleep beside your mausa for tonight,” the innocent order of my mother turned out to be a nightmare for me for a period of almost six years.
It was the time of Durga Puja, and my masi (maternal aunt) and her family decided to celebrate it at our place. As we didn’t have a big house, all the people had to adjust between the two rooms that we had. My masi and her two daughters shared the bed with my mother and unfortunately, I had to share with my mausa (uncle). The first night went well. My mausa hugged me and made me sleep, which I found very pleasing.
The next day, when it was almost midnight, I felt a hand rubbing my back. I could easily recognise that it was none other than my mausa’s hand. As I had no idea what would be happening next, I slept quietly. A few minutes later, the hand started to reach and massage my ‘immature’ breasts. When I made a move, he whispered to me not to make any movement as this was a good way of having a sound sleep. Having no clue of what I was going through, I kept quiet.
It continued the next day too. The fourth day had an added activity. Thinking that I was fast asleep, he reached for my hands and made me rub his ‘superpower’. Minutes after rubbing, I could feel that my hands were wet.
These activities continued for almost five to six long years. Whenever my mausa used to visit us, he insisted that my mother make me sleep with him. I couldn’t explain to my mother what actually used to happen every night.
In course of time, I began to understand what was happening to me and eventually, everything became clear. The liquid that made my hands wet every night was the result of his masturbation, that he used to make me do for him.
I was molested for almost six years of my life, but not once have I gathered the courage to speak about this to anyone, not even my parents.
Children are molested very often, but they are weak: they are too weak to share it with anyone. So if you find any child being molested, raise your voice against the act. So that they will not have to look back like I did and feel the trauma, pain, shame and everything else that comes with it.
If you are a survivor, parent or guardian who wants to seek help for child sexual abuse, or know someone who might, you can dial 1098 for CHILDLINE (a 24-hour national helpline) or email them at email@example.com. You can also call NGO Arpan on their helpline 091-98190-86444, for counselling support.