I was going through the Aziz Ansari incident which was originally published on Babe. The piece describes an anonymous woman’s account of an evening with Ansari. She alleged that he made advances towards her, ignoring both verbal and non-verbal cues that she putting across.
When we take a more in-depth look at the incident, it shows the way dating is perceived today. In my opinion, women are expected to act tough and the men are expected to chase them. Apparently, if the guy doesn’t chase the girl, he doesn’t get to date her.
The question is, do woman like being chased?
A woman may like to be chased or pursued, after providing non- verbal and verbal cues indicating that she is attracted to the guy. What I can make from the write up is that she lacked attraction towards Ansari and his behaviour made her very uncomfortable. A girl is not attracted to a guy who would annoy her.
Aziz Ansari sounded like he was selfish and impatient that night. He was being an asshole. It seems like there is a belief system that says that men have to be assholes to get flings.
Why? Because, from high school, being an asshole is what keeps you popular. Typically, in pop-culture, it’s the jerk who gets more dates and sex, while the nice guy mostly loses out. But friends, don’t take this as an excuse to be an asshole. The reality is that assholes get ahead in the dating sphere. Unfortunately, in our society, being masculine is often equated with being an asshole.
I won’t blame Ansari solely for his behaviour. And that is because of every video or article on dating. In these pieces, you see that the most important thing that is apparently required to have success with women, is to be shameless.
But you will eventually realize that this is not true, and it’s working against you in certain circumstances when you are actually dealing with women. Probably, that’s what happened with Ansari, where his usual tactics didn’t work with this particular girl. I think that maybe, he would have used the same tactics before on many other girls.
What a lot of men don’t get, is that you don’t have to pursue a woman like it’s done in movies or porn. You don’t have to seduce her ignoring her reluctance. I get that if you don’t get laid after a date, you might get mocked at by your friends. Yes, I know what you feel as I have been there under peer pressure too.
The most important thing is the comfort of both the parties and taking it slow. I think that we are a fast-fast world, where our generation is losing the patience to pursue things slowly, just like old times. And I think we need to correct this.