A Note To An Anxious Self

Posted by Kritika Mandiya in Mental Health
February 3, 2018

Does it come in stutters? Or does it announce itself in the form of a nervous laughter? Wait, is it evident by my constant biting of nails? I’ve heard it could even be my constant need to eat. Or more like stuff food in a manner that’s a little too much for the tiny opening of my mouth. The internet tells me it could even be there while I’m dancing to my favourite song.

Please tell me what it looks like. Well, thank God it doesn’t always look like curling up in a corner and wanting to distance myself from my best friend. She’s really not responsible for this. she doesn’t deserve my rants at 6 in the damn morning. Let alone a rant about a breakout on my face. God, third world problems. But how do I explain it to her? The issue isn’t the breakout, it’s how every little detail of my face looks like the world is ending. Not because I honestly give a fuck about how I look, but is there even one good thing about me?

I really need to stop labelling this feeling as “anxiety” because I don’t even know what I feel inside this fucked up head of mine that convinces me every day that I am nothing but a waste of space. This was the exact joke I made last night and felt convinced when everyone even midly agreed with it. Because I don’t know, it’s like, pessimism runs in my blood.

I don’t know if it comes in stutters to some people, but anxiety for me, comes in the apparently witty joke I made last night and everyone laughed it off. With me.