Kya Yahi Pyar Hai?/The other side of love

Posted by Love Matters India
February 22, 2018

NOTE: This post has been self-published by the author. Anyone can write on Youth Ki Awaaz.

Can love hurt? We are not talking about a heart break here. Can it REALLY hurt – physically, mentally and emotionally?

Yes, statistics tell us that around 34 percent of women in India have suffered violence, mostly from their spouses. And that’s just physical abuse – violence that shows up on the body in black or blue.

There is no data in the country that records mental and emotional hurt. There is also no data that records abuse against men. Also, there is none such for couples, who are not married.

Violence by the people you love is known as Intimate Partner Violence (IPV). Simply putting, IPV occurs when people who you share your life, body, money, emotions and secrets with; begin abusing you physically, mentally or emotionally. Such violence can take place among married or unmarried couples.

Couples, who are not married, are just as much in love and are equally dependent on their partners. And the fact that their relationship does not have any social thappa makes the violence even more possible.

Different forms of IPV in Controlling Relationships

According to WHO, there are four different kinds of expressions of violence in controlling relationships – controlling behavior, emotional (psychological) abuse, physical violence and sexual violence. While most of us are aware about physical, verbal, sexual and emotional violence, many relationships also witness the province of economic abuse or economic violence.

Unlike films, real-life relationships don’t always have a happy ending. Every relationship has its own set of problems, caused by a lot of different issues. But if they lead a partner to hit, shame, stalk, abuse or control the other, it is violence. Controlling behaviors are seen as caring and are thus normalized and socially accepted in a relationship.

We tend to forgive hurtful behavior when it comes from someone we love. We even try to justify it and would recoil at the thought that our partner could be abusing us. But then why does it hurt? Why do we feel scared, worthless or ashamed? Why does it change who we are and change the way we like to do thing?  Aur kya yahi pyar hai? Is this love? And if it hurts why do we bear?

Sometimes we do, because we have no other option.  But often we don’t because we don’t even realise when love begins to hurt and when care becomes control.

These dadinani ki salaahein have been telling us for years how life and relationships are meant to be. Many of these diktats have also guided some of the bad behaviour in our relationships. And we accept them because that’s how things are meant to be.

But are they? Aur kya yehi pyar hai? Is this love?

Apart from the heart breaks, can there be other forms of hurt in love, via love or while being in love?

If you have been wondering about this, check out the page: 

Love Matter India has launched a campaign KyaYahiPyaarHai or #IsThisLove. It aims to increase knowledge and change attitudes about controlling behaviors and their relationship to intimate partner violence.

This campaign focuses on emotional and psychological violence and is intended to empower couples to seek positive, healthy relationships, and to distinguish loving behaviors from controlling ones.

Does your partner try to control you? Share with Love Matters (LM) on our Facebook page. If you have a specific question, please ask LM experts on our discussion forum.

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