Soul Assassin

Posted by Sj Adharsh
February 9, 2018

NOTE: This post has been self-published by the author. Anyone can write on Youth Ki Awaaz.

Childhood days of mine were prized and to be precise, distinctive. As I resided in a hospital neighbourhood, I could always smell the scent of medicines throughout the day. Favorite hobby during those days, to have a conversation with both in-patients and out-patients. On weekends, I would get up early in the morning and start my inspection (kind of stupid) at the hospital. No one used to question me or stop me as I was senior to most of the people who worked there. Literally, I have been there since my birth. I have witnessed many scenarios there: my favourite one, post-pregnancy.

Whenever a baby was delivered, information would be passed to me (as I was the younger one in the surrounding) and I would rush to the pregnancy ward, caress the tiny hands of the baby and fight with the nurses to take the baby with me, which they never allowed. Four babies per month, they were my 10-day siblings. After 10 days, mothers were discharged. In the gap of 10 days, a lot of incidents would take place. Mothers-in-law would curse their daughters-in-law for not giving birth to a male baby, wives would insist their husbands undergo a vasectomy, and much more. But a common strange incident confused me. The mothers would be holding down their babies and staring through the windows as their tears touched the ground. Though I was a child, I knew those tears were not an outcome of happiness.

This happened during my 10th grade. My mom called me to see the newborn. I would never forget her birthday, the day after my birthday. Her eyes were so cute that I visualized a galaxy in her pupil. She had blue eyes, which is very rare in our locality. Her mom was smiling as she was placing a kiss on her forehead. That was the last time I saw her. She missed her checkup for a month and after two months all I heard was she hanged herself to death. My mom tried her level best to explain to me, about this. But I didn’t understand anything at that time.

Reason: Post-Partum Depression (PPD)

Most of us have no idea what this is, including me. A doctor close to me, enlightened me about this.

We have visualized that attaining motherhood is blissful, where mothers appears radiant and fulfilled, but motherhood isn’t all rosy. It is traumatizing for some woman. The physical exhaustion after giving birth, the emotional adjustment of becoming a parent, sleep deprivation causes PPD. PPD may exist for 2 weeks, if it exist for more than 2 weeks, the mother should be taken to therapist.

Sooner you find out, sooner you are safe. Don’t hesitate to ask for support, to share your feelings and to get some rest.

Parents and family should understand that whatever they say or do during PPD is out of control, an involuntary biological happening. All they need is a good pamper.


Depression is a sign of mental weakness that is brought on by traumatic life events. It is all in your head and real men don’t get depressed. These are some of the common avalanche of bullshit that circles around depression. This is nothing but, nasty myths.

Failing in an exam, inability to get a job, not getting what you deserve may not depress you. I have seen people boasting that they have depression just because someone talked harshly with them. Depression isn’t a joke that you can relate it with everything.

Depression is a medical condition in which your brain chemistry, function and structure are negatively affected by environmental or biological factors.

Some Causes

  • Genetic Vulnerability
  • Personality Traits
  • Prolong stress
  • Changes in Neurotransmitter level
  • Hormonal changes
  • Lack of social support during stress

We may feel upset following the death of a loved one or the end of a relationship, this may raise the risk of depression. But depression isn’t always about negative incidents. It may arise suddenly and inexplicably, even when things in your life seems to be going well.

Depression isn’t always mental. Depression can manifest fatigue, insomnia, hypersonia, chronic muscle aches (back pain). Men often experience depression differently than women. Men often speak up less and receive the help they need because of their masculine character that the society imparts. Men are far more successful when they attempt suicide.

Let me illustrate how it feels during depression

It feels like your head is burning in pain. The voices and nightmares take their toll, continuously stabbing you with fear. Lot of anger and sadness. Sometimes you feel chest pain, headaches, break into sweat and rarely faint. You cry a lot or you stop feeling anything and become numb. It will be like drowning, it’s like an addiction, you want to get out of it but at the same time you don’t. It will be like alternating between feeling sucked in the past and worrying about the future, for instance feeling stupid for something you said, and ruminating on that. You lose motivation, motivation to survive. When you are, all alone in a room on a dark night, all you think about is ending your life so all your pain comes to an end. You see a sharp object and you think of piercing your heart with that, that too in broad daylight. You will be sitting down on a couch surrounded by your friends, having a good time and tears starts to roll out. Sudden sadness would surround you. You cry all night, wake in the morning trying to smile and have a normal day.

Depression is such a cruel punishment. There are no fevers, no rashes, no blood tests to send people scurrying in concern, just the slow erosion of self, as insidious as cancer. And like cancer, it is essentially a solitary experience; a room in hell with only your name on the door.

People with depression never open up easily. Note it, when they burst into anger, it was never them. It is just the mental disorder they carry. All they need is someone to help them to the carry their weights. They need you more than they need them.

And to people who are battling with depression, here I quote;

These days would pass soon. You are a solo warrior, if you can fight the battle alone, you could win this alone. You have been knocked down. You felt pain that most couldn’t handle. You never ran. You always found a way to stand tall. You are unbreakable. All this is going to end soon and you are going to show the world who you really are. You are going to inspire millions and millions of people out there. Stay strong.

Ending your life, suicide doesn’t end the pain. It just passes it on to someone else. Think of people who need you, who love you. A kiss from mom, a hug from dad, a kick from a friend, a love from your partner, are you gonna lose these things forever?

Inspiration doesn’t lie in success; it lies in the battle to succeed. All of you out there are, an inspiration to someone

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