You want to have sex, but are you really ready?

Posted by Love Matters India
February 7, 2018

NOTE: This post has been self-published by the author. Anyone can write on Youth Ki Awaaz.

Sex and sexual expression is a beautiful but a deeply personal gift. In all the excitement surrounding sex, it is important to remember that you, and only you, can determine when you’re ready to have sex. In case you need some help, here are some things to keep in mind. 

Is your decision completely your own?

You should have sex when YOU feel like and if you have sexual feelings for a person. Don’t do it because you have reached a certain age, because of peer pressure, because pop culture says you should, or because it will make your partner happy.

You need to be absolutely comfortable with your partner before you take the step. Talk it out with them beforehand, explain your concerns, fears or any questions you may have.  

You can always say no

In today’s world, consent has become an important lesson. There’s a simple thing to remember, no means NO. Understand that if you or your partner is unconscious or their judgment is impaired by alcohol or drugs, legally this means they are unable to give consent. Talk about this beforehand.

At any point during the act, you can always say no. Have a safe word to use in such a situation. Also, discuss with your partner beforehand if you have any reservations about oral sex or anal sex.  

Explore your body first

You would have read about orgasms and the surrounding information associated with them – men come quickly, women take longer, the G spot, etc.

Before you start having sex, give yourself an orgasm through a masturbation. Explore your body, get comfortable with it and find out what gives you pleasure and what is uncomfortable or painful. It’s important to know what feels good for you so that you can communicate this to your partner.

The first time may be painful

It is alright if it is. The first time you have sex – it could hurt, or feel good, or both or neither. There might be pain and bleeding the first time a vagina is penetrated but that doesn’t happen to everybody. Your penis may not get a proper arousal or not hold on for long the first time around. Getting your sexual organs used to sex will come with time (however, if still experiencing chronic pain, talk to a doctor).

Don’t have too many expectations from the first time – you may not even orgasm. But, don’t freak out! You and your partner could get aroused at different speeds. You both may be nervous and this will affect your body.

Practice safe sex

The other important C word in sex is contraception. It’s vital to talk about safe sex and protect yourself from STD’s (sexually transmitted diseases) and unplanned pregnancy.

Talk to your partner about their sexual history (all forms of sex) and what STI protection plans and birth control that is comfortable for you both. If using condoms, make sure they haven’t expired, and fit.

Don’t keep porn as a benchmark

Let’s face it, actual sex is nothing like porn. If you have to learn about sex, sexual positions and orgasms – read or talk to a professional or explore it on your own. Don’t go by pornographic videos because it perpetuates a lot of myths. Porn is staged and filmed – the actors usually take supplements to help them last longer. Sex doesn’t go on for hours. Also, everyone has pubic hair – it’s a natural thing though some may shave or wax down there. It is also natural for sex to get messy, not the sanitized versions they show in porn.

Were you ready for your first-time sex? Share your stories with Love Matters (LM) on our Facebook page. If you have a specific question, please ask LM experts on our discussion forum.

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