12 Signs You Are In An Abusive Relationship

Posted by Ishita Sharma in Sexism And Patriarchy, Specials
March 12, 2018

Abusive relationships are difficult to spot. In such co-dependent relationships, one partner tends to maintain power and control over the other frequently through aggressive ways. The abuse can be emotional, sexual, financial, or physical and can include threats, isolation, and intimidation. It is important to detect when it is no longer a healthy relationship to avoid a mental breakdown.

Is losing someone more important than your self-esteem?

NO. But it is surprising how one holds on to a relationship as if it’s the last string of hope and doesn’t realize when boundaries are being crossed. Until it gets very apparent.

The Kinds Of Verbal And Emotional Abuse That People Usually Face:

1. “I don’t know why I have to put up with a negative person like you.”

“You are never satisfied are you?”

Being judgmental and always criticizing doesn’t show love, it shows where your dignity stands in the abuser’s eyes. It’s important to understand where friendly criticism ends and where you are subjected to constant condemnation. When you’re criticized without a just reason constantly, it’s time to start thinking twice about this relationship.

2. “Stop interfering in matters beyond your reach.”

He told me “I shouldn’t do anything without his approval because I’m too innocent.”

“Do what I tell you.”

No one said you can’t be opinionated. Sly comments one overlooks can easily be an abuser undermining their victim. No one has the right to control your life, remember that no one is greater than you to degrade you.

3. “You’re such a wonderful partner!”

With a smile and a hug means that you are a wonderful partner. But rolling eyes while saying the same thing means something completely different. Wordplay and denials, it’s not always about the words but the feelings one get with them. When there is no more love in their words or gestures, where they try to show love only when questioned is not love.

4. “You always end up ruining my reputation”

“I can’t believe that I have to walk with a fatty like you when I deserve much better.”

Accusing and blaming on things beyond one’s control. Judging your body shape, blaming you for everything going wrong in your partner’s life is not part of a healthy relationship. Also, abuses disguised as a joke are so easily taken up as a misunderstanding by the victim. The things that a person does, with hope and obligations, can be surprising.

5. Explicit name-calling

Where you don’t just turn out to be the bit*h in their dictionary but a whore to a slut and what not!

6. “Do what you want, just leave me alone.”

It’s not always necessary that one has to say anything to you; the silent abuser just ceases to remember your existence. Diplomatic negotiations can destroy the other partner’s stability.

7. “I promise baby I will not repeat it again.”

Forgiveness is important in every relationship but if the apologies are meagre words without any value then it no longer builds a strong relationship. There is nothing more common than serially cheating and lying.

8. “I have to do what they tell me to do, otherwise they’ll harm herself. They love me so much.”

Being naive is an understatement here. No one can force you to do things if they love you so much!

9. “Oh, you got a job? But I don’t think you will be able to handle the pressure there. You’re too fragile.”

From support to discouragement. Your partner can tell you the truth, can tell you what’s right from wrong. Constantly discouraging you to follow your dreams is a concern for you.

10. Stalking

Going through your personals and harassing you about affairs they imagine you had. Abuse starts that day your personal life is no longer personal.

11. Public Humiliation

Where you are degraded amongst the abuser’s friends and ridiculed off. It’s surprising that a single statement like ‘you have no sportsmanship, you’re not fun’ and other comparisons can make the victim blame himself/herself for not seeing the facts.

12. “I’m leaving you.”

That one statement to which every victim always succumbs too. It’s surprising how these three words are even more powerful than ‘I Love You’. It’s difficult to realize how a person tends to act against their will for these words!

Sexual Abuse In Relationships

I don’t even need to explain this one.

Forcing someone to engage in sex work for their own benefit.

Forcing sex on anyone against their will, even in the name of love is anything but love. A no is a NO.

Love is a heavy word. They say people are blinded by love, and it’s true. But, if love forces you to break your morals, if it hurts you, lowers your self-esteem then it is not worth fighting for. Whether it be harming you physically or killing you through words, it’s important to realize where the boundary lies and where you need to raise your voice.

If any of the above points ring true for you, you are in an abusive relationship, walk away. It is much more painful to stay than to heal, and once you break off all ties from your abuser you will get a fair shot at living your life on your own terms.