Dear Indian women,
Let me begin by stating the reason why I am instigated to write this letter. Honestly, it was not a single event but a series of them.
I remember a dull Indian wedding where my previously ambitious neighbour (who was pursuing her bachelors in Microbiology), told me her plans about the future, while gobbling savory rasagullas. She said that she wasn’t going to study after getting her Bachelor’s degree because “girls don’t need to worry much about financial security and too much of studies (unlike boys), as their future husbands can take care of it.”
In another incident, an aunty informed me of another girl in our locality who had topped in the class 12 state board exams. She had gone to Delhi University for her higher studies – and the aunty said that she would have to crack the IAS entrance exam fast, before she reached the marriageable age of 24.
When another girl got married (at 19) in the midst of pursuing her education, I seemed to lose it a bit – especially since it seemed that there was no possibility of this happening with her brothers who were coaching students while also pursuing higher studies.
It is your choice to settle down as soon as you can – be it at the legal age of 18 or at 38. It is your choice to be a homemaker. But please ask yourself this: is there anyone good enough in the world for whom you should sacrifice your education?
Keeping all sentimental notions aside (God forbid), but to anyone who agrees with the rationale behind the above cases, I would like to ask that if a woman’s husband isn’t there to support her (in case of divorce, death or paralysis) who should a middle class woman (or even poorer) fall upon to survive? How can you, dear woman, accept the possibility of being a stigma, or being ‘reduced’ to the titles of a ‘divorcee’ or a ‘widow’? How can you not fight to create your individual existence while you can?
I know there are strong, independent women out there proving themselves over and over again. But there are perhaps an equal number of ‘Ranis’ (from “Queen”) who are timid about their choices and their future. This letter is for them.
It isn’t the case that one cannot carve these things out for oneself after their marriage. But remember the last time your friend, your sister, your acquaintance had to sacrifice these things on the altar of marriage – sometimes willingly (under the burden of responsibility) and at other times, not.
I wish you were more ambitious. If not ambitious, I would at least have the free will to take your decisions by yourself, not being dictated by the anxiety of a mere age-limit – that eerie limit which varies everywhere In small towns, the prospect of getting a good, deserving job in a big city is, many a time, stifled by the chorus of ‘bahar jane ka khatra’. And while India can be a dangerous place for women in present times, it shouldn’t stop you from living your life.
Earlier, I wanted to write this letter to my own sisters – but then, after looking around myself, the scope kept getting ever wider with unceasing limits.
I know the stark difference between actions and words. I have seen my cousins breathe against the daily onslaught of ‘beti toh maa baap ka bojh hoti hai’.
But you have to show more determination, more adamance in your purpose, sometimes even more than your brothers – for we live in a country where even the legal age of marriage is 21 for boys and 18 for girls.
Sincerely,
A fellow Indian man
_
Image used for representative purposes only.