When you hear that someone has raped a person, don’t you wonder how can someone possibly commit such a heinous crime? With the increasing number of rape cases in the country, I must tell you that if you dig deep, you might find that you have got some similarities with the perpetrators. Ask yourself these 10 questions to find out if you’ve ever thought like a rapist:
Q.1 Do you think that a woman in your office wears certain kind of outfits for more attention and “benefits”? That she gets the upper hand because she is a girl?
Q.2 Have you ever stared at or approached someone so frequently that they felt extremely uncomfortable and literally had to leave the place or even relocate?
Q.3 Imagine this. You and a woman you fancy get drunk and intimate. There is no need to ask for consent at that moment because you “know” that she also wants it?
Q.4 Isn’t it a moral duty for a man to ask a woman to adjust her top/bra-strap because you think it is embarrassing?
Q.5 My friend got so sick of her colleague staring her for days that she went straight to him and told him that it is making her uncomfortable. The guy responded in affirmation and never did it again. But by then, everyone had noticed her. Her work friends kept coming up to her for days advising her that men staring at you is so normal and a confrontation is often unnecessary. Do you feel the same way?
Q.6 Do you watch videos where girls are filmed secretly by their partners during intimate moments? Do you enjoy it too?
Q.7 Do you send abusive or passive-aggressive messages to girls if they don’t accept your proposal or friend request on social media? Do you make abusive comments on their pictures/videos? Or do you raise a voice when your friends do it?
Q.8 Do you enjoy the thought of a problematic scenario like “bhabhi ji ghar pe hai?” where both the men fantasise about each other’s wives and keep trying hard to get close to them when they know that neither of the partners want the same?
Q.9 Do you a have a boys’ group where you keep objectifying girls and consider it fun?
Q.10 Are “BEHENCHOD” or “MADARCHOD” your pet cuss words? I wonder if we have got no words in the Hindi vocabulary which can define your affection or intimacy with your friends except words which imply someone who has had sex their sisters or mothers.
When I asked my friend about when he started using such profanities, he told me that his seniors in college taught him such words while ragging him. When everyone is so used to these abuses which only insult and debase women, it becomes even harder for us to not fall into the trap and avoid it. Is it that complicated to respect women?
If anyone of us is likely to respond with a yes to any of these questions, we need to step back and reflect.
I am not against exploring our sexual urges. But we must act with consent every time.