We are all born as equal human beings irrespective of our caste, creed, gender, and status. It is only once we start growing up that the society starts creating an environment for us with their own notions of how one should be.
If you are a boy, you must love to play with cars and just in case if you cry when defeated in a game, you are taunted by your family and friends that you behave like a girl! So yes, if you are a boy you are not supposed to express your emotions. Also, no matter how much you may love playing with your sister’s toys, the society will tell you that you shouldn’t. You may love cooking, but entering the kitchen is not meant for you, as you are a boy. You may want to choose a creative profession that is not very high-paying, but you will be forced to choose one which pays more so that the family is secured.
Friends welcome to this world, where we impose our notions on a child right from the time he is born and continue bombarding him with the same until his death. We live in a world where as soon as you’re born, your favourite colour is decided, according to your gender. Blue for a boy, Pink for a girl. This colour comes with a lot of significance. The child whose cradle’s colour is blue is expected by the society to be strong, brave, dominant and no matter what, he is expected to be successful with a degree in the next twenty years. He doesn’t have the option but to do what the society imposes on him.
We, women, have forums, organisations, communities, and several websites and online spaces which listen to our sufferings, pain and agitation. We are HEARD. A number of campaigns, initiatives have begun for our welfare. And that’s an amazing feeling, ladies!
There are men who are struggling with stress, financial crisis, sexual harassment, inequality at work, abuse and family pressure. All of this because they don’t have a forum to talk about their suffering, it is not recognised in the mainstream. And moreover, they are scared and uncomfortable to talk about it. They doubt and hate themselves for not being able to meet the society’s expectations.
It is unusual to think of the harassment men face. But, it is far more pervasive than we think it is! Our knowledge is restricted to the harassment faced by women, and I completely empathise with it. As a woman, I understand the pain, suffering, and hardships women face. At the same time, I also wish there was a platform for men to speak about their suffering. We would be surprised to know the hardships men have faced as a young boys, in their middle-age, and as elderly persons. I was surprised to see that we have very few platforms offline/online for men to come out and express their emotions.
Right from the time a boy is born, families celebrate because they have an heir. With this perspective, everything the child does is aligned so that one day he becomes successful and earns well for his family. Now, I don’t disagree with the fact that each parent wants their child to be successful, but my only point here is, that, are they merely forcing and burdening the child with societal norms? As a parent or a society bringing up a boy, can’t we give him the freedom to explore opportunities rather than limiting his options? I often see that young boys forcefully take up a certain degree because it will help them earn well. This is at the cost of that young boy’s dreams, ambitions and all the talents he has. Such young boys grow up to marry according to societal norms of being at the right age, buy a house to meet expectations, buy a car and the list goes on. When life kicks in with the struggles and family pressure, this man finally understands that he has never done anything for his own happiness.
Kids see fathers as heroes; wives see their husbands as a strong rock, parents depend on them and see them as a pillar of support. And the whole society ends up recognising a man as someone who can handle everything. Yes, he is a hero, and all the words which describe him are ones he truly deserves. But in order to always be a Superman, he needs the society’s support to give him the validation and encouragement he needs.
It’s high time to create a society with gender equality and give men a space to express, provide them with a voice to talk about the struggles and listen to their story. He may not be as happy as he may seem to be, he may not be as jovial as the way people perceive him to be and last but not the least he may not be as strong as we all have assumed him to be!
I am a woman but I do understand the sufferings of the men around me. I believe in gender equality and feel the need to bring this topic to light to make sure all of us feel safe and secure. I understand men are not money-making machines or emotionless souls; they are most of the time the silent-sufferers who are somewhere stuck in between protecting their families and saving them from the financial crisis and creating an identity for themselves.
Many of those innumerable selfless men out there are struggling to create a living, being the affectionate father, husband, brother or son, silently performing their duties and crying on the inside not knowing how to express their emotions.
For all the men out there, I salute you. I salute you because each day you give us hope, strength, and happiness. I hear you and say, let’s aspire towards gender equality, and I mean it.