Nearly a month has passed since March 29, 2018. I’ve been thinking whether I want to publicly write about what my family has been going through.
Everything that happens in our life pertains to the social and political system, which is driven by the most important factor – financial standing. Yes, that’s what I’ve realised – “Baap bara na bhaiyya, sabse bara rupaiyya.” I guess I was foolish enough to believe that money is the last thing in this list – and that good education, morals and behavior are the more important things here.
In our country, we worship goddesses like Maa Kali, Maa Durga, Maa Shakti and many more. But there’s also the huge contradiction that women in our Indian society are not treated like goddesses. That is why laws have been made to protect the women from the evils of Indian society like dowry and child-marriage (which are still in practice). There is no doubt that after the implementation of such laws, cases of dowry and child marriage have dropped. Feminism has made women vocal and stronger in their opinions. There has also been a change in the mindsets of men as well.
From a wider perspective, there’s also been the change that men and women are now seen working at the same level in our society. But if we zoom into it a little bit, what has not changed is the practice of exploitation of the innocent by the powerful. Unfortunately, I’m one such man who has faced and witnessed such exploitation.
I’m writing here, specifically, about the misuse of the anti-dowry law (which is supposed to protect the bride from harassment by the groom and his family). I may not have the requisite data, but I do believe that there are a number of fake dowry and rape cases registered against innocent people and their family members. In various cases, people are misusing the laws protecting them to fulfill their personal vendetta against others who are innocent. And even though the authorities may be well aware of this malpractice, they aren’t really doing much about it. Consequently, in a number of cases, the people and their families even serve imprisonment in fake cases without any proper preliminary investigation by the police.
My younger brother got married on January 1, 2015, to a woman who lived nearby – in Sector-11, Rohini, New Delhi. It was an inter-caste marriage. It wasn’t a love-marriage but an arranged one. In the Indian society, I believe it is very rare to see an arranged inter-caste marriage. People don’t generally agree to inter-caste arranged marriage unless there’s love involved. Despite my misgivings about the marriage, I didn’t pay much heed to it. Instead, I saw it as a good sign of positive change in our society, which is already plagued with casteism and communalism. My father also asked me if I had any issues regarding my brother getting married earlier than me. I told him that while I had no issues in particular, I felt that he wasn’t mature and old enough to handle such a responsibility.
So, in a hurry and in a hush-hush fashion, the engagement ceremony was organised by the bride’s family in my absence. Apparently, I was not ‘valuable’, since I was involved in theatre and not earning enough money. I was angry at this, but somehow, I digested it. Since I was against any kind of dowry, I told them that I would not attend the wedding. But the bride’s family said that it was their wish and that it was also their daughter’s right. Everyone was happy, and I did not want to be a spoilsport. So I gave in and joined in their celebration and wedding ceremony worth ₹25 lakh.
However, there was something about the bride that my brother and father knew of, but my mother and sister didn’t. Essentially, this marriage was a ‘deal’. However, even though I came to know of this, I had no issues, especially since the groom had no objections. “Jab miyaan-biwi raazi, toh kya karega kaazi” – I told my mother to be cool and welcome the new member in our family.
And then, the nightmares started. During the first week, she refused to co-operate in the cleaning duties in our house. I offered to do so, and I did. However, what I didn’t know that she and her family looked down upon the work of cleaning in our homes. She believed that cleaning chores were tasks for people from the lower classes – and being a daughter of a rich Punjabi family, she couldn’t do these. Her family also supported her and asked her not to do any jobs like these. Had I known that she had such a mindset, which would affect me, my mother and sister, probably, I wouldn’t have let the wedding happen in the first place. The problem wasn’t a psychological one – it was one that dealt with her having a regressive, casteist attitude. Furthermore, I was even insulted by her brother for participating in the cleaning and household chores.
Then, she began to create problems in our home. She would do the opposite of what my mother and sister would do. In some cases, she even blatantly refused to co-operate with us. My mother wanted a ‘daughter-like’ bride in our home, not a maid to do the household chores.
The new bride, however, was making our life hell. She picked up fights with my brother on the silliest things and whenever my sister was taking her exams (she is pursuing an MA in Social Work, Dept. Of Social Work, DU). I was wrong to take the side of my brother’s wife sometimes – and on one occasion, I even raised my hand on my sister. I regret it so much. But it was my sister’s maturity that she forgave me.
On May 2, 2016, my brother’s wife gave birth to a baby girl. We thought that things would change. But no. She didn’t come home for the first six months. We constantly requested her to come back, but she didn’t. She knew how to torture us. One day, I went to see the baby, only to be insulted by her father that we didn’t have the requisite financial and social standing – and yet, we swindled them into marrying my brother. I was shocked, numbed and aghast.
When she came back, the baby was in a very bad shape. Being the parents of the child, my brother and her wife were highly irresponsible. If I’d had my way, I would have probably passed a bill to issue a licence for couples through a proper process and training to gauge if they are mature and responsible enough to take care of the child. Raising a child is a huge responsibility – and especially, when it comes to nurturing them into good citizens. However, my brother and her wife took this for granted. So, my mother took charge of the baby. My sister and I would help her as well. We were so happy with the child, especially my mother. She forgot everything bad that had happened to her. Day and night, she was totally involved in taking care of the baby.
But, her efforts had no impact on my brother’s wife. Also, by then, in the the company of his brother-in-law, my brother took to drinking. Since then, he has become a great drunkard.
In 2017, I had to go to Irinjalakuda, Thrissur, to learn Koodiyattam. During the first half of 2017, I was not at home. All the while, my mother and sister were harassed by my brother’s wife – and in order to make no great deal of it, I was not informed about it. My brother and father never said anything against her.
She was becoming impossible – once, she fought with my sister and manhandled my mother during the time she (my sister) was sitting for her second year exams. My sister had to stay at an uncle’s house during the exam-period in order to concentrate on her studies. She suffered a lot, and her mental peace is now shattered. I was not told about this until I returned to Delhi in October 2017. Even then, I was told to keep quiet and not interfere. We kept on suffering, only for the welfare of the baby girl.
But, on March 29, 2018, we had had enough. My sister’s final-year exams will continue till May 2018. She was studying. I returned late at night from Uttar Kashi and slept as usual. At around 3:30 AM, I woke up to the baby’s crying and the sound of people fighting. I went upstairs. My mother, sister and father were trying to make peace with my brother’s wife, since she was having a fight with my brother. I took the baby in my arms and tried to calm her. I went downstairs with the baby; however, my brother’s wife followed me to our parents’ room and demanded the baby back. I warned her not to touch the baby – because in the past, she had mistreated her (by not feeding her properly for days and weeks at a stretch), intentionally, to harass us, especially my mother.
While I was warning her not to touch the child, unexpectedly, she slapped me on my right cheek. She was about to slap the other side, and in an effort to save the baby’s face from getting hit too, I got hit on the shoulder. My sister saw her slapping me. My mother and father also came to the room. Upon seeing my father, she began to cry as if I had slapped her. She also started to demand for the baby, but I was adamant that I wouldn’t give the child to her. Instead, I handed over the baby to my brother. I told everyone that she had slapped me. I was so shocked at her wicked behavior.
By this time, she called her brothers and made a drama in our neighborhood. I stayed inside. My mother and sister were reasoning with her. She began to fight with my mother and hit her with her fists. My mother cried in pain, and that was when I ran out of the house. I saw her brothers supporting her in the fight. By this time, my father had come outside with the baby and handed it over to my brother’s wife. She went away with her brothers, taking the baby from us.
After a few hours, my brother and father got ‘ready’ as usual and said nothing about what had happened. This made me super-angry. I was fuming. That malicious woman had slapped me, hit my mother and sister! Even then, both of them were quiet, as if nothing had happened.
Later, my sister and I went to the nearby hospital to have a medico-legal case registered (in case we needed it), but we were discouraged to do so. They told us that my brother’s wife could implicate us in a fake dowry case and that she could also accuse us of harassing her due to the birth of the baby-girl. We were numbed and shocked. My friend spoke to my brother – and he blatantly refused to support us if we would opt for a police complaint. My father took the same stand. We were taken aback by their behaviour.
Now, my mother and I are firm that we won’t let my brother’s wife stay with us.
Instead of supporting us, my brother has taken to much heavier drinking than usual. He comes home late at night, because he knows that my mother will be pained to see him like this. He and my father are even mentally harassing my mother and sister by reiterating that if we won’t let the wife stay with us in the house, she will implicate us in a fake dowry case – and our lives will be ruined. Her father is a rich and influential man – and we fear that he can ‘buy’ and force the police’s hand in filing fake cases against us. I may not fear this, but my mother and sister are really scared. What if she and her family files a fake dowry case against us?
She has also started to allege that it was me who had pushed her back twice, when she had slapped me. The extent to which she can twist the story and seek punitive action for it is worrisome indeed. I don’t fear this a bit, but what about my mother? Every moment, she cries for the baby, and her mental peace has gone for a ride. My sister’s exams are going on, and she is deeply disturbed – but still, she is trying to do her best in her exams.
While I write this post, my mother is crying in the room fearing the prospect of us in jail. Here, I can only console her that nothing wrong will happen to us, but it isn’t exactly reassuring either. Who knows – I may well be the next victim in their quest for vendetta. But, while I’m not afraid of the potential misuse of the law by the powerful (in fact, I’m determined and ready to face it boldly), I am really deeply concerned for my mother and sister.
The government of India must take firm actions against such people who misuse the laws. Not only do innocent people and their families suffer, the credibility of the law is also at stake – and the purpose of the law to protect the victims gets distorted. If the powerful keep on misusing the law, then there will be no hope and democracy will have no meaning.
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Featured image used for representative purposes only.