[TRIGGER WARNING]
A few days back, I came across a Facebook post which talked about what would happen when you kill yourself. Here it is:
“Wanna kill yourself? Imagine this.
You come home from school one day. You’ve had yet another horrible day.
You’re just ready to give up. So you go to your room, close the door, and take out that suicide note you’ve written and rewritten over and over and over
You take out those razor blades, and cut for the very last time.
You grab that bottle of pills and take them all. Laying down, holding the letter to your chest, you close your eyes for the very last time.
A few hours later, your little brother knocks on your door to come tell you dinner’s ready.
You don’t answer, so he walks in.
All he sees is you laying on your bed, so he thinks you’re asleep.
He tells your mom this. Your mom goes to your room to wake you up.
She notices something is odd. She grabs the paper in your hand and reads it.
Sobbing, she tries to wake you up. She’s screaming your name.
Your brother, so confused, runs to go tell Dad that ‘Mommy is crying and sissy won’t wake up.’
Your dad runs to your room. He looks at your mom, crying, holding the letter to her chest, sitting next to your lifeless body.
It hits him, what’s going on, and he screams.
He screams and throws something at the wall. And then, falling to his knees, he starts to cry.
Your mom crawls over to him, and they sit there, holding each other, crying.
The next day at school, there’s an announcement. The principal tells everyone about your suicide.
It takes a few seconds for it to sink in, and once it does, everyone goes silent.
Everyone blames themselves. Your teachers think they were too hard on you.
Those mean popular girls, they think of all the things they’ve said to you.
That boy that used to tease you and call you names, he can’t help but hate himself for never telling you how beautiful you really are.
Your ex boyfriend, the one that you told everything to, that broke up with you.. He can’t handle it.
He breaks down and starts crying, and runs out of the school.
Your friends? They’re sobbing too, wondering how they could never see that anything was wrong, wishing they could have helped you before it was too late.
And your best friend? She’s in shock. She can’t believe it. She knew what you were going through, but she never thought it would get that bad… Bad enough for you to end it.
She can’t cry, she can’t feel anything. She stands up, walks out of the classroom, and just sinks to the floor.
Shaking, screaming, but no tears coming out. It’s a few days later, at your funeral.
The whole town came. Everyone knew you, that girl with the bright smile and bubbly personality. The one that was always there for them, the shoulder to cry on.
Lots of people talk about all the good memories they had with you, there were a lot. Everyone’s crying, your little brother still doesn’t know you killed yourself, he’s too young.
Your parents just said you died. It hurts him, a lot. You were his big sister, you were supposed to always be there for him.
Your best friend, she stays strong through the entire service, but as soon as they start lowering your casket into the ground, she just loses it.
She cries and cries and doesn’t stop for days.
It’s two years later. Your teachers all quit their job. Those mean girls have eating disorders now.
That boy that used to tease you cuts himself.
Your ex boyfriend doesn’t know how to love anymore and just sleeps around with girls. Your friends all go into depression.
Your best friend? She tried to kill herself. She didn’t succeed like you did, but she tried…
Your brother? He finally found out the truth about your death. He self harms, he cries at night, he does exactly what you did for years leading up to your suicide.
Your parents? Their marriage fell apart. Your dad became a workaholic to distract himself from your death.
Your mom got diagnosed with depression and just lays in bed all day. People care. You may not think so, but they do.
Your choices don’t just affect you. They affect everyone. Don’t end your life, you have so much to live for.
Things can’t get better if you give up. I’m here for absolutely anyone that needs to talk, no matter who you are.”
Whoa…
Hold on a minute – that seems like a really short sighted view.
Let us talk about what would really happen in case you do die (that too by suicide), while taking a bit of a long-term view as well.
*Again this does not support or speak well about suicide, but this is what the truth is. I am sorry about it.*
So let us begin, point by point.
First of all, your parents will be shocked by it, they will be totally dumbfounded, this will break them. Everything they had done was for your good – they probably never had any ill intention in their mind, but that doesn’t mean they never took any decision which ended up harming you. If it was a case of suicide, it will silence them – maybe for the rest of their lives. But if you decided to kill yourself, would you really care?
Your little sister, she probably wouldn’t even be told what happened to you. In all likelihood, she would just be told some story about how you are never going to see her again. She would never even realise what happened – it will always be a hush-hush topic for her to speak about.
If you study somewhere, most of the students would probably not even know you. You will be the guy everyone saw once in a while, but no one really talked to, -the bubbly personality. Soon the rumours would start flying around, to the outer circle whom you never talked to. You would soon become a topic of ridicule, something people would joke about. And that would just be to paper over the sadness they felt when they heard you had died. But on the face of it, it’s possible that you would become a subject of joke.
The teachers would talk about you, but only the ones who taught you would know what had happened. You would become a topic of curiosity – people would want to know why you took this drastic decision, and that is all there would be to it. They wouldn’t quit their jobs, or make any drastic changes to their lives. After all, they have their own lives too.
The people who said mean things to you – those who were rude to you, or tried to bully you – they probably wouldn’t make any special changes to their lives either. Of course, they would be sad for a while. They may introspect and think that it was their fault, but ultimately, they would soon be convinced that it wasn’t. They would move on with their lives – and soon, you would be forgotten at the place you studied. No one would have an inkling as to who you were or what you had gone through.
Your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend – they would not care, they broke up with you, they are over you. It would, in all likelihood, be a short and neutral response – you are not special enough to someone to make them change their lives once you. It certainly is not going to be your ex who remembers you or gets sad over you. Your ex does not care.
Your best friend would probably be affected by your decision. They would be sad, devastated, and blame themselves for your death. But they have parents too – and specially after your decision to kill yourself, everyone would be on the lookout for more people falling into this trap. They wouldn’t try to kill themselves, of course, because they would be given extra care – now that they have lost their best friend. Soon, they would make new friends, find a new best friend and move on with their lives. Again, you are not that special to affect someone for their whole lives.
No one would be depressed over it.
No one will try and kill themselves over it.
Everyone will move on.
One by one, with passing time, every memory of your existence will be washed away. You will cease to exist in people’s memories and time will take its toll.
Telling people fairy tales is not the way to stop them from killing themselves – the truth will remain the same no matter what.
All your years of existence and hard work will be totally forgotten in the space of a few months. This is what will happen. This is why even killing yourself is pointless after all. Your family will be the last ones, but they too would learn to live without you.
Suicide will not make you a martyr or help you be widely-loved. This is what the horrifying truth of suicide is. Suicide is not romantic or desirable. Suicide is terrifying and terrible. Trying to change this reality will not help anyone.
A version of this article was first published here.