I’m sure we all have heard this phrase at least once in our lives (especially if you are 90’s kid) and we do relate to this in our daily lives. I want to discuss this in terms of a Hindi serial produced by Ekta Kapoor in early 2000s with the same title. One cannot deny that Ekta Kapoor is the queen of family-based daily soaps and her serial became one common thing which got the whole country together. I remember clearly how in those days, old and young, wives and husbands, grandparents and neighbours used to come together at 10 pm and watch Star Plus till 11 pm. It was assumed that no one can switch to any other channel between 10 to 11 pm. Households were really concerned with, “how will Parvati deal with her husband’s infidelity?” or “how is Tulsi going to convince her mother-in-law (MIL) about a certain issue?” (Tulsi is of course, from another equally popular show, “Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi”).
Coming to why I’m talking about this. Recently I went for a close friend’s wedding, which was attended by many of my married and unmarried friends (FYI, I’m in the latter category). I had a conversation with a married friend about love, marriage, Sasural and “what happens in Sasural”. After a long time debating, discussing how it should be, how it is, what actually transpires, we came to a conclusion that we need to give some credit to Ekta Kapoor’s daily soaps. They might be little exaggerated with drama but the essence is true to the core. What was shown in terms of the role of daughter-in-law, MIL and sister-in-law, seniors of the family, and the problems arising from it were very true. I’m not saying this on the basis of one conversion that I had but looking at so many marriages that happened in my family, friends circle or other known circles. You might also think that it’s the opinion of an “unmarried person” who has no clue of what happens but believe me I do. It might be difficult for me to understand how one deals with those situations but being an “outsider”, it does give me a perspective to look at the complete picture and each and every individual point.
“Learn to Adjust” is something that we women are usually taught and told from our childhood by our parents, relatives, grandparents, and seniors. We all generally rebel against this and ask “why should we adjust?”, what is right should happen, we should fight till its right and adjustment is an easy way out. But when we talk about emotions, which itself is a complex thing, how does one decide what’s right or wrong. When we deal with issues in a marriage or with our in-laws, we need to realise that it is about human emotions and how one reacts to a particular situation from his/her perspective. I feel that many of our problems in relationships occur due to not understanding the other person’s perspective which leads to misunderstanding, further leading to grudges and quibbles. There is only one solution to all this “adjustment”. It does not mean agreeing with what you believe is wrong but trying to put yourself in the other person shoes and think from their perspective.
Especially in a marriage, most of the times it becomes the woman’s responsibility to adjust to the new family but what about the responsibility of the man? Isn’t it the woman who has left home and everything she loved, behind? Some of us get homesick if we have travelled for weeks, imagine having to move just because we got married. The simple point I am trying to make is that as to-be-brides, let’s think, respect and adjust to their choices as we do for our family and be a better daughter, daughter-in-law, wife, mother, sister and human being. And to-be-grooms and their family should realise that before giving a woman responsibilities and asking her to adjust, they should accept her as she is, get to know her and make her happy because she is part of your family.
This goes for all of us, so let’s make sure that each one of us takes time to think as the person standing in front of us and where is he or she is coming from. Let’s start thinking about everyone’s point of view.
As the saying goes, “Pyar batne se pyar badhta hai”.