I have always had a hard time differentiating queerphobic behaviour and ignorant behaviour. Which makes me often question myself if it’s me who’s finding everything as provocative or it’s coming from people intentionally. If they’re are inimical or innocent.
Basically, the actual phobia arises from people who feel quite uncomfortable and unsatisfied by gender ambiguity and the expression of a person who doesn’t follow the so-called “gender norms” constructed by society.
For trans girls, it takes a profusion of invasive surgeries, pathological drugs, cosmetic help and numerous other procedures that are done towards body feminization. We are afflicted by all these already, and then unwanted and phobic opinions for someone’s ‘lack of achievement’ to seem femme worsens the feeling of gender dysphoria.
For some it is a choice not to undergo gender reassignment surgery, and that still doesn’t validate phobic manners in any form.
Trans individuals are either considered as detestable beings or inspirational heroes; they never have a choice to lead an ordinary life as long as they don’t successfully “pass” as cisgender in the public, and that has everything to do with phobia.
The more pretty and passing privilege one has, the less one faces phobia, the less one feels vulnerable, and ultimately the more one is accepted and approved of by people, regardless of their disbelief in gender dysphoria.
As I’m gradually transitioning, I’m experiencing corporeal changes as well the changes in how everyone conducts themselves towards me. And it evokes very muddled emotions within me. Should I feel happy about it or sad? The courtesy and civility I deserve should depend on who I am as a person and not on how much I justify my ‘female side’ or how much my womanhood conforms to the womanhood that’s constructed by patriarchal society.
I do not associate with anyone who thinks the contrary in an aggressive way, and clearly repudiates taking another aspect into consideration.
My way of dealing with queerphobia is to not to deal with it at all, as long as it’s in my power to decide to get involved in the situation or not. It doesn’t trigger me any more, when someone denies the multitudes of gender identities in their personal thoughts, as long as they are not actively promoting this kind of misleading mentality.
I’m not the greatest contester when it comes to disputes and confabulations people have. It’s clearly time- and energy-consuming, and adds to my mental strain. I’m already undergoing a very drastic and tender phase of my life, medically and emotionally, so I avoid everything from the outside that might perturb my mental health.