No means no has proved to be rocket science for Indians.
Don’t know if I can blame those who think that because of the stupid messages we receive:
“Ladki ki naa me haan hoti hai (There is a yes hidden in a girl’s no)” or literally the song “kab tak ruthegi, chikhegi, chillaegi?” (Until when is she gonna get upset, scream and shout)
No wonder Indians, who are denied basic sex education, think weird things when it comes to physical intimacy with their partners. Despite sex being a taboo subject, our internet search history record for porn shows how desperate and horny our nation is most times.
Rapes and assault cases are prevalent like a nasty virus.
Should we blame the younger generation for displaying affection, expressing love and wanting to be together or do we blame the older generation for not providing safe spaces and proper sexual education to children so that they don’t have to put themselves in risky situations when they are vulnerable and just want to be loved?
Either way, I know that most of us would NEVER be told this by our parents or society so here is the most important thing you need to know about getting physical with someone:
Orgasm ≠ Consent
Repeat it after me, Orgasm ≠ Consent, Orgasm ≠ Consent, Orgasm ≠ Consent
An orgasm is your body’s physical response to sexual stimuli. Both men and women experience orgasm as part of their sexual experience. However most people do not know that for an orgasm to happen, your consent is not mandatory. Meaning just because someone had an orgasm does not mean it was WANTED or LIKED.
Male rapes are highly underestimated and under-reported because of this myth. Since a male orgasm is a much visible event, it is easy for an ignorant person to assume that just because the male had an orgasm, he must have liked it and wanted it.
The same might be assumed for women. In fact, thousands of rape cases are disregarded merely on this point.
The truth, however, is completely shocking. The physiological response of your body is different from psychological ones.
Emily Nagoski, a sexual educator, explains it best when she says, “Just because my mouth watered after eating a warm, rotten apple, does not mean I liked it or wanted it.” That is simply my body’s response to a stimulus.
The only way you can know for sure whether or not someone wants to be physical with you or not is this: ASK!
We need to disassociate the concept of shame and disgust around sex and be direct about it if we really intend to tackle the rape crisis in our society. If women are NEVER allowed to want or like sex, then every man becomes a rapist; it’s as simple as that.
Therefore, regardless of how a person’s body reacts to being touched, it is their words that are the ultimate decision maker.
Listen to your partner and unless it is unforced, free and verbal consent, leave the room immediately. No doesn’t mean convince me. You don’t have to grapple and beg and make a case or touch them to the point where their body reacts and you start ‘gaslighting’ them by proving them wrong.
You’d still be a rapist if the person had an orgasm, so never forget: Orgasm ≠ Consent