‘I Am An Unapologetic ‘Victim’ Of Love Jihad’

I am an unapologetic ‘victim’ of Love Jihad.

An upper middle class, Brahmin Hindu woman. I was one of the safest, here in my country, India. Until I fell in love with a Kashmiri Muslim man. And I became the target.

For the past one year, I have toyed with the idea of typing down my story. Even today, as I type this in my bedroom in the national capital, my hands tremble a bit. What if, my safe haven, the internet fails to keep my anonymity? What if, they fish out my identity? What if, they get to know? What if, they find me?

The ‘they’ of my love story are the antagonists. And, what is a love story without a good, old villain? ‘They’ aren’t so easy to be contained in a single line or definition, but can claim my life if it comes to that. Actually, my tale is more about ‘them’, than it is about my man and me.

The ‘they’ of my story stem from the background of the time I type this in: 2018. We are now in the once distant future that we were so excited about back in the 00’s. Humankind is buzzing, tweeting, ringing with new, progressive thoughts, ideas, innovations and opinions. ‘They’, however, operate from the other end of this spectrum. Their ideas are redundant and regressive, and more often than not, incoherent. Their tool is coercion. Their colour is saffron, and they justify their actions in the name of religion.

So far as my story goes, it was a quintessential college romance. He was a senior at my college. We would talk endlessly, go out on dates, have coffee and hang out with friends. And I thought to myself, well, that’s that. But, it was only after we both confessed our love to each other about a year ago, did the magnitude of our sweet innocent love really hit me. My personal love affair became political. I still shiver at the thought of that.

And that’s how ‘they’ would deem me to be a victim of ‘Love Jihad’. Love Jihad is said to happen, wherein Muslim men ‘lure’ Hindu women with promises of love, with an ulterior motive to get them converted to Islam. The concept is rooted to the bigoted propaganda, by dominant agencies, who wish to establish a Hindu nation in my secular country (or, whatever).

When I was entering college, my mother said to me, “Bass Muslim Ladka mat pakadna” (Just don’t get attached with a Muslim man). My relatives have unapologetically, forwarded messages, videos and memes about the ‘Muslim threat’ our country faces on our family WhatsApp groups. My friends have asked me, time and again, if I feel safe with my Muslim man. The newspaper warns me of all the murders of young adult lovers in the name of religion and honour of their families. My television shouts in high decibels how my judiciary discounts the voice of a consenting adult woman and probes it as a potential case of Love Jihad.

Here is a Hindu Woman answering back to all such agencies and my misinformed friends, family, readers and institutions of the state and the judiciary who have fallen, and become victims of malicious lies.

I am an active opinion maker, Aadhaar card holder, an adult woman of my beloved country. I actively consume knowledge, debate about pertinent issues of our society and work towards making this country a place worth living in. I am not a vulnerable body, a naive mind, to whom a man can simply ‘sweep away and get me converted’. I do not need to wear my religion on my sleeve to prove my ‘association’ with it. I consented to this relationship. I love my Kashmiri, Muslim man with all that I’ve got. My love is my personal choice, none of anybody’s business.

My friend recently asked me, if I wished my man was a Hindu. I scoffed at the idea. “I probably wouldn’t have fallen in love with him if he wasn’t a Muslim”, said I to her. His choice of religion was an integral part of his identity. His religion is his choice, just as my religion is mine.

It feels strangely nice to type this out today. Maybe, I am one of the optimistic few. I still believe, love can conquer all. Love is all we need. Love, and not hate, would save my country. Love can make everything right. And a day will come when everything will be all right.

A day will come when I wouldn’t have to write my love story anonymously.

_

Image used for representation only.
Image source: Wikimedia Commons.
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An ambassador and trained facilitator under Eco Femme (a social enterprise working towards menstrual health in south India), Sanjina is also an active member of the MHM Collective- India and Menstrual Health Alliance- India. She has conducted Menstrual Health sessions in multiple government schools adopted by Rotary District 3240 as part of their WinS project in rural Bengal. She has also delivered training of trainers on SRHR, gender, sexuality and Menstruation for Tomorrow’s Foundation, Vikramshila Education Resource Society, Nirdhan trust and Micro Finance, Tollygunj Women In Need, Paint It Red in Kolkata.

Now as an MH Fellow with YKA, she’s expanding her impressive scope of work further by launching a campaign to facilitate the process of ensuring better menstrual health and SRH services for women residing in correctional homes in West Bengal. The campaign will entail an independent study to take stalk of the present conditions of MHM in correctional homes across the state and use its findings to build public support and political will to take the necessary action.

Saurabh has been associated with YKA as a user and has consistently been writing on the issue MHM and its intersectionality with other issues in the society. Now as an MHM Fellow with YKA, he’s launched the Right to Period campaign, which aims to ensure proper execution of MHM guidelines in Delhi’s schools.

The long-term aim of the campaign is to develop an open culture where menstruation is not treated as a taboo. The campaign also seeks to hold the schools accountable for their responsibilities as an important component in the implementation of MHM policies by making adequate sanitation infrastructure and knowledge of MHM available in school premises.

Read more about his campaign.

Harshita is a psychologist and works to support people with mental health issues, particularly adolescents who are survivors of violence. Associated with the Azadi Foundation in UP, Harshita became an MHM Fellow with YKA, with the aim of promoting better menstrual health.

Her campaign #MeriMarzi aims to promote menstrual health and wellness, hygiene and facilities for female sex workers in UP. She says, “Knowledge about natural body processes is a very basic human right. And for individuals whose occupation is providing sexual services, it becomes even more important.”

Meri Marzi aims to ensure sensitised, non-discriminatory health workers for the needs of female sex workers in the Suraksha Clinics under the UPSACS (Uttar Pradesh State AIDS Control Society) program by creating more dialogues and garnering public support for the cause of sex workers’ menstrual rights. The campaign will also ensure interventions with sex workers to clear misconceptions around overall hygiene management to ensure that results flow both ways.

Read more about her campaign.

MH Fellow Sabna comes with significant experience working with a range of development issues. A co-founder of Project Sakhi Saheli, which aims to combat period poverty and break menstrual taboos, Sabna has, in the past, worked on the issue of menstruation in urban slums of Delhi with women and adolescent girls. She and her team also released MenstraBook, with menstrastories and organised Menstra Tlk in the Delhi School of Social Work to create more conversations on menstruation.

With YKA MHM Fellow Vineet, Sabna launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society. As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Read more about her campaign. 

A student from Delhi School of Social work, Vineet is a part of Project Sakhi Saheli, an initiative by the students of Delhi school of Social Work to create awareness on Menstrual Health and combat Period Poverty. Along with MHM Action Fellow Sabna, Vineet launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society.

As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Find out more about the campaign here.

A native of Bhagalpur district – Bihar, Shalini Jha believes in equal rights for all genders and wants to work for a gender-equal and just society. In the past she’s had a year-long association as a community leader with Haiyya: Organise for Action’s Health Over Stigma campaign. She’s pursuing a Master’s in Literature with Ambedkar University, Delhi and as an MHM Fellow with YKA, recently launched ‘Project अल्हड़ (Alharh)’.

She says, “Bihar is ranked the lowest in India’s SDG Index 2019 for India. Hygienic and comfortable menstruation is a basic human right and sustainable development cannot be ensured if menstruators are deprived of their basic rights.” Project अल्हड़ (Alharh) aims to create a robust sensitised community in Bhagalpur to collectively spread awareness, break the taboo, debunk myths and initiate fearless conversations around menstruation. The campaign aims to reach at least 6000 adolescent girls from government and private schools in Baghalpur district in 2020.

Read more about the campaign here.

A psychologist and co-founder of a mental health NGO called Customize Cognition, Ritika forayed into the space of menstrual health and hygiene, sexual and reproductive healthcare and rights and gender equality as an MHM Fellow with YKA. She says, “The experience of working on MHM/SRHR and gender equality has been an enriching and eye-opening experience. I have learned what’s beneath the surface of the issue, be it awareness, lack of resources or disregard for trans men, who also menstruate.”

The Transmen-ses campaign aims to tackle the issue of silence and disregard for trans men’s menstruation needs, by mobilising gender sensitive health professionals and gender neutral restrooms in Lucknow.

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A Computer Science engineer by education, Nitisha started her career in the corporate sector, before realising she wanted to work in the development and social justice space. Since then, she has worked with Teach For India and Care India and is from the founding batch of Indian School of Development Management (ISDM), a one of its kind organisation creating leaders for the development sector through its experiential learning post graduate program.

As a Youth Ki Awaaz Menstrual Health Fellow, Nitisha has started Let’s Talk Period, a campaign to mobilise young people to switch to sustainable period products. She says, “80 lakh women in Delhi use non-biodegradable sanitary products, generate 3000 tonnes of menstrual waste, that takes 500-800 years to decompose; which in turn contributes to the health issues of all menstruators, increased burden of waste management on the city and harmful living environment for all citizens.

Let’s Talk Period aims to change this by

Find out more about her campaign here.

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A former Assistant Secretary with the Ministry of Women and Child Development in West Bengal for three months, Lakshmi Bhavya has been championing the cause of menstrual hygiene in her district. By associating herself with the Lalana Campaign, a holistic menstrual hygiene awareness campaign which is conducted by the Anahat NGO, Lakshmi has been slowly breaking taboos when it comes to periods and menstrual hygiene.

A Gender Rights Activist working with the tribal and marginalized communities in india, Srilekha is a PhD scholar working on understanding body and sexuality among tribal girls, to fill the gaps in research around indigenous women and their stories. Srilekha has worked extensively at the grassroots level with community based organisations, through several advocacy initiatives around Gender, Mental Health, Menstrual Hygiene and Sexual and Reproductive Health Rights (SRHR) for the indigenous in Jharkhand, over the last 6 years.

Srilekha has also contributed to sustainable livelihood projects and legal aid programs for survivors of sex trafficking. She has been conducting research based programs on maternal health, mental health, gender based violence, sex and sexuality. Her interest lies in conducting workshops for young people on life skills, feminism, gender and sexuality, trauma, resilience and interpersonal relationships.

A Guwahati-based college student pursuing her Masters in Tata Institute of Social Sciences, Bidisha started the #BleedwithDignity campaign on the technology platform Change.org, demanding that the Government of Assam install
biodegradable sanitary pad vending machines in all government schools across the state. Her petition on Change.org has already gathered support from over 90000 people and continues to grow.

Bidisha was selected in Change.org’s flagship program ‘She Creates Change’ having run successful online advocacy
campaigns, which were widely recognised. Through the #BleedwithDignity campaign; she organised and celebrated World Menstrual Hygiene Day, 2019 in Guwahati, Assam by hosting a wall mural by collaborating with local organisations. The initiative was widely covered by national and local media, and the mural was later inaugurated by the event’s chief guest Commissioner of Guwahati Municipal Corporation (GMC) Debeswar Malakar, IAS.

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