I’ve no qualms in sharing my story of one-sided love.
Initially, I never wanted to tell him about my feelings. Then, thinking progressively, I gathered courage and expressed my love for him. Demurely he told me that he respected my feelings, but couldn’t love me the way I did. I was shattered, but glad to know that we would be friends forever. It was my first brush with love as well as rejection.
I often wonder though – is it because I am a 24-year-old woman living with cerebral palsy?
Society often thinks that people with disabilities are asexual beings and they won’t have any such desires of getting married. I often laugh at this viewpoint. Do people with disabilities come from some other planet? No! We have the same desires and sexual needs as of anyone of the equal age.
In my case, I’ve been subject to baseless comments – “How can she have a husband? Who will marry her?” Ironically, non-disabled women face unreasonable pressure to get married. Sometimes they have no say. How justified are these two sides of the same coin?
To me, love is a universal feeling and everyone has the right to feel this emotion. I’ve never hesitated on being vocal about my feelings and rejection doesn’t deter me from craving a man’s love.
However, countless thoughts and questions around love, and dating buzz in my mind. Thankfully, writing has proved to be a great way to share my inner feelings.
In my blog, Vinayana’s World, you’ll find my candid confessions in the form of poetry, fiction stories and commentaries, as well as my writers page on Youth Ki Awaaz. I also love writing about issues surrounding women empowerment and women living with disabilities, but often want to engage more on these topics.
Finding my voice
In my search for meaningful expression, I one day stumbled upon SHEROES, a women-only platform. Excitedly, I rummaged through various communities and shared my poetry, stories and experiences but my affinity lies with the Love and Relationship community.
Here I was charged seeing the interactions and bonding between women. The fact that it’s an all-women space was a major attraction to me. I found women and girls pouring their feelings on love, heartbreaks, dilemmas, and experiences. This is what I had been looking for – an unbiased platform solely meant for women to express their inner feelings on love, relationships, and dating. SHEROES is the only online platform on which I can share anything and everything without thinking about it for a single second.
It helps me create a mind of friendship with women around the globe, even when I’m confined to my home due to lack of mobility. The community members have appreciated my thoughts and also understood my intentions to find love. Another aspect I wish to share is that at one point I used to type on the computer with my nose, due to poor loco-motor abilities. However, my father insisted I learn to type with my hands, and for a girl like me, luckily, today, I can type all my thoughts with ease, on the SHEROES app.
My wishlist
I often wonder – what will be my relationship status in future?
What I do know is that heartbreak has taught me to be stronger and self-reliant. I share with confidence that I desire to love and never lose hope of finding someone special.
As for marriage, it is definitely on my wish list. I have deep feelings just like any 24-year-old unmarried girl, and I encourage everyone to accept that women and girls with disabilities aren’t asexual.
We desire relationships, love, dating, and commitment, like everyone else 🙂
About Vinayana Khurana:
I’m a writer, poet, and blogger with an MA in English from Delhi University. I write couplets both in Hindi and English. My disability doesn’t stand in the way of enjoying my life. I’m filled with aspirations to do something worthwhile.
