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The Importance Of Snapping Out Of Victim Mentality

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“If it’s never our fault, we can’t take responsibility for it. If we can’t take responsibility for it, we’ll always be its victim.” – Eckhart Tolle, Author, The Power Of Now

How many of us have blamed our situations or family members for what is happening in our lives? Or even come across people in our own lives who feel that everything that has happened to them is because of an unfair event? Many people are not even aware that they are in such situations and limiting themselves by blaming themselves or someone else.

Just as easy it is to criticise those mired in a victim mindset, it’s easier than you think to sink into one yourself! In life, everyone is a victim of something, but not everyone chooses to behave with a victim mentality! Those who do choose to be victims, end up being angrier, more selfish and don’t have much resilience. These people tend to vent more and have more energy which they believe is empowerment. These people who just refuse to take responsibility for the outcome of anything in their life often face a lot of setbacks, thrive on drama and can never move on (mentally!)

This victim mentality basically means blaming any person or situation for the unhappiness that ‘they’ are feeling. Every situation is an example of a potential wet blanket (someone who ruins other people’s fun) where there is a constant expectation of sympathy, attention and validation. In addition to this, they are continuously in a self-pitying mode, trying to garner compassion. Having a negative outlook is one of the characteristics, and they refuse to improve or even analyse their actions leading to passive-aggressive tendencies in dealing with other people.

Being emotionally, physically or even psychologically traumatised to varying degrees can leave behind different a lot of scars on a person’s life. It is so common to point fingers and blame them for your misfortunes. Early life conditioning and coping mechanisms are some of the main reasons for developing victim mentality early on in childhood. Its so easy to slip into this disguise of the victim mindset, where all we really do is filter our existence to a narrow mental lens. This is how we adapt to perceiving the world.

A string full of excuses it will only feed the victim mentality – a mindset which justifies just about anything that seeks endless amounts of self-pity, undue entitlement and the defeatist thinking where the world just owes you an explanation for everything. Snapping out of the victim role and is something that we all need to do at some point in our lives.

It is not the easiest thing to do, but as an adult, it is our responsibility to reclaim the responsibility for our own happiness.





“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” — Gautama Buddha

1. Practice Gratitude – Have you ever wondered how fortunate you were or ever asked yourself the question ‘Can someone really have it worse off than me?’ At such stages, you may get some insight that you are not the only one having a rough deal in life and that there are other people who are also suffering.

You have so much to be grateful for and by practising ‘gratitude’, you can redeem the victim mentality. As Rumi once said, “Wear gratitude like a cloak, and it will feed every corner of your life.” You have to let go of the victim mentality which allowed you to spent hours and months and perhaps years thinking and talking about each and every wrong thing that has happened in your life. You also have to let go of any chances of revenge or triumph over people who have wronged you in the past.

2. Take Responsibility – This involves a serious amount of hard work. Whether it is ambitions, relationships, achievements, decisions – everything that encompasses your life.

3. Build Confidence – Sometimes when we feel like we are the victims of situations and we are rock bottom in confidence or esteem, building our confidence is very important. Some people may naturally be confident, but that doesn’t stop you from learning the skills needed to be a confident person. All you have to do is emulate a confident person’s attitude – dress well, speak clearly, hold an upright posture, always maintain eye contact and exercise. This will automatically reflect on your inner mental state.

4.  Shift Mentality: In order to break out of the victim mentality it is extremely important to do a lot of introspection and make some key shifts in thinking.

5. Practice Forgiveness – Holding onto a grudge towards a past resentment (condition or person) only leads to a build-up of bitterness. Forgiving means letting go of that feeling and moving past what you believe could possibly harm you. Once you can forgive, you also set yourself free from all agonies.

6.  Intention-building – Being a victim means having no clear intentions. Now, you need to tell yourself that you are going to be in charge of your life and use every bit of energy in different areas mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally and financially. It will be one small step at a time so that you can move forward and make your life better.

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An ambassador and trained facilitator under Eco Femme (a social enterprise working towards menstrual health in south India), Sanjina is also an active member of the MHM Collective- India and Menstrual Health Alliance- India. She has conducted Menstrual Health sessions in multiple government schools adopted by Rotary District 3240 as part of their WinS project in rural Bengal. She has also delivered training of trainers on SRHR, gender, sexuality and Menstruation for Tomorrow’s Foundation, Vikramshila Education Resource Society, Nirdhan trust and Micro Finance, Tollygunj Women In Need, Paint It Red in Kolkata.

Now as an MH Fellow with YKA, she’s expanding her impressive scope of work further by launching a campaign to facilitate the process of ensuring better menstrual health and SRH services for women residing in correctional homes in West Bengal. The campaign will entail an independent study to take stalk of the present conditions of MHM in correctional homes across the state and use its findings to build public support and political will to take the necessary action.

Saurabh has been associated with YKA as a user and has consistently been writing on the issue MHM and its intersectionality with other issues in the society. Now as an MHM Fellow with YKA, he’s launched the Right to Period campaign, which aims to ensure proper execution of MHM guidelines in Delhi’s schools.

The long-term aim of the campaign is to develop an open culture where menstruation is not treated as a taboo. The campaign also seeks to hold the schools accountable for their responsibilities as an important component in the implementation of MHM policies by making adequate sanitation infrastructure and knowledge of MHM available in school premises.

Read more about his campaign.

Harshita is a psychologist and works to support people with mental health issues, particularly adolescents who are survivors of violence. Associated with the Azadi Foundation in UP, Harshita became an MHM Fellow with YKA, with the aim of promoting better menstrual health.

Her campaign #MeriMarzi aims to promote menstrual health and wellness, hygiene and facilities for female sex workers in UP. She says, “Knowledge about natural body processes is a very basic human right. And for individuals whose occupation is providing sexual services, it becomes even more important.”

Meri Marzi aims to ensure sensitised, non-discriminatory health workers for the needs of female sex workers in the Suraksha Clinics under the UPSACS (Uttar Pradesh State AIDS Control Society) program by creating more dialogues and garnering public support for the cause of sex workers’ menstrual rights. The campaign will also ensure interventions with sex workers to clear misconceptions around overall hygiene management to ensure that results flow both ways.

Read more about her campaign.

MH Fellow Sabna comes with significant experience working with a range of development issues. A co-founder of Project Sakhi Saheli, which aims to combat period poverty and break menstrual taboos, Sabna has, in the past, worked on the issue of menstruation in urban slums of Delhi with women and adolescent girls. She and her team also released MenstraBook, with menstrastories and organised Menstra Tlk in the Delhi School of Social Work to create more conversations on menstruation.

With YKA MHM Fellow Vineet, Sabna launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society. As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Read more about her campaign. 

A student from Delhi School of Social work, Vineet is a part of Project Sakhi Saheli, an initiative by the students of Delhi school of Social Work to create awareness on Menstrual Health and combat Period Poverty. Along with MHM Action Fellow Sabna, Vineet launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society.

As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Find out more about the campaign here.

A native of Bhagalpur district – Bihar, Shalini Jha believes in equal rights for all genders and wants to work for a gender-equal and just society. In the past she’s had a year-long association as a community leader with Haiyya: Organise for Action’s Health Over Stigma campaign. She’s pursuing a Master’s in Literature with Ambedkar University, Delhi and as an MHM Fellow with YKA, recently launched ‘Project अल्हड़ (Alharh)’.

She says, “Bihar is ranked the lowest in India’s SDG Index 2019 for India. Hygienic and comfortable menstruation is a basic human right and sustainable development cannot be ensured if menstruators are deprived of their basic rights.” Project अल्हड़ (Alharh) aims to create a robust sensitised community in Bhagalpur to collectively spread awareness, break the taboo, debunk myths and initiate fearless conversations around menstruation. The campaign aims to reach at least 6000 adolescent girls from government and private schools in Baghalpur district in 2020.

Read more about the campaign here.

A psychologist and co-founder of a mental health NGO called Customize Cognition, Ritika forayed into the space of menstrual health and hygiene, sexual and reproductive healthcare and rights and gender equality as an MHM Fellow with YKA. She says, “The experience of working on MHM/SRHR and gender equality has been an enriching and eye-opening experience. I have learned what’s beneath the surface of the issue, be it awareness, lack of resources or disregard for trans men, who also menstruate.”

The Transmen-ses campaign aims to tackle the issue of silence and disregard for trans men’s menstruation needs, by mobilising gender sensitive health professionals and gender neutral restrooms in Lucknow.

Read more about the campaign here.

A Computer Science engineer by education, Nitisha started her career in the corporate sector, before realising she wanted to work in the development and social justice space. Since then, she has worked with Teach For India and Care India and is from the founding batch of Indian School of Development Management (ISDM), a one of its kind organisation creating leaders for the development sector through its experiential learning post graduate program.

As a Youth Ki Awaaz Menstrual Health Fellow, Nitisha has started Let’s Talk Period, a campaign to mobilise young people to switch to sustainable period products. She says, “80 lakh women in Delhi use non-biodegradable sanitary products, generate 3000 tonnes of menstrual waste, that takes 500-800 years to decompose; which in turn contributes to the health issues of all menstruators, increased burden of waste management on the city and harmful living environment for all citizens.

Let’s Talk Period aims to change this by

Find out more about her campaign here.

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A former Assistant Secretary with the Ministry of Women and Child Development in West Bengal for three months, Lakshmi Bhavya has been championing the cause of menstrual hygiene in her district. By associating herself with the Lalana Campaign, a holistic menstrual hygiene awareness campaign which is conducted by the Anahat NGO, Lakshmi has been slowly breaking taboos when it comes to periods and menstrual hygiene.

A Gender Rights Activist working with the tribal and marginalized communities in india, Srilekha is a PhD scholar working on understanding body and sexuality among tribal girls, to fill the gaps in research around indigenous women and their stories. Srilekha has worked extensively at the grassroots level with community based organisations, through several advocacy initiatives around Gender, Mental Health, Menstrual Hygiene and Sexual and Reproductive Health Rights (SRHR) for the indigenous in Jharkhand, over the last 6 years.

Srilekha has also contributed to sustainable livelihood projects and legal aid programs for survivors of sex trafficking. She has been conducting research based programs on maternal health, mental health, gender based violence, sex and sexuality. Her interest lies in conducting workshops for young people on life skills, feminism, gender and sexuality, trauma, resilience and interpersonal relationships.

A Guwahati-based college student pursuing her Masters in Tata Institute of Social Sciences, Bidisha started the #BleedwithDignity campaign on the technology platform, demanding that the Government of Assam install
biodegradable sanitary pad vending machines in all government schools across the state. Her petition on has already gathered support from over 90000 people and continues to grow.

Bidisha was selected in’s flagship program ‘She Creates Change’ having run successful online advocacy
campaigns, which were widely recognised. Through the #BleedwithDignity campaign; she organised and celebrated World Menstrual Hygiene Day, 2019 in Guwahati, Assam by hosting a wall mural by collaborating with local organisations. The initiative was widely covered by national and local media, and the mural was later inaugurated by the event’s chief guest Commissioner of Guwahati Municipal Corporation (GMC) Debeswar Malakar, IAS.

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