How I Feel About ‘Mardangi’

Man up. What a cleverly disguised way to say shut up. Shut up or fight back, or you deserved what you got.

Men are also given the ‘perfection’ blueprint. They should be strong, muscular, show no emotion. They are told constantly to ‘man up’ and to ‘be a man’. The size of a man’s penis is constantly bought up in many a conversation between girlfriends over lunch, much like his performance in the bedroom, no offence ladies, this is true.

So talking about myself, it’s not all that bad. Heightened self-consciousness, an inability to speak up, physical shame and self-loathing – they are not all bad. Without these hurdles, I would have never disappeared into language, literature, art, science, the mind and all the mad intensities that made and unmade me.

When a chubby schoolboy is bullied by his peers about his weight, barely an eyelid is batted. When he is called a slob by his workmates, he is expected to let it roll right off his back. In today’s society, the ideal man should be tall, rugged, handsome, muscular, well-endowed, an excellent lover, strong, and emotionless.

Undue pressure is put on men by women and fellow men, their friends, and their parents, especially their fathers. ‘Be a man’ is something that is easily said but the statement carries a lot of weight. Slamming a man with this phrase is telling him that he has to bury his emotions and his feelings, to take life on the chin and to never show weakness. If he cries, he is weak, if he is kind, he’s a wimp. This simple phrase has the ability to be crippling. Telling a young man this will make him feel extremely inadequate. It insinuates that he’s not man enough, he’s not strong enough.

This is a call to arms. A call to be gentle, to be forgiving, to be generous with yourself. The next time you look into the mirror, try to let go of the storyline that says you’re too fat or too shallow, just look into the mirror and see your face. When the criticism fades away, what you will see is just you, without judgement, and that is the first step towards transforming your experience of the world.