Two weeks into my internship at Jagori, I have read about hundreds of cases of domestic violence and other forms of exploitation that women face in India. An nth number of thoughts cross my mind every day as I finish my work and head home. After my idea of having ‘a country without men’ was rejected by my trusted feminist fellows, I started thinking of other solutions for having a country, where women don’t believe that they deserve such kind of violence because it is at the hands of their beloved God-like husbands. The fact that generations of being a patriarchy have gotten us into this situation is no secret, but what is it that patriarchy does that leads to a society of imbalance and gruesome forms of violence against women?
There have been many theories regarding the solutions to patriarchy. Feminists have divided themselves into groups according to the solution they think is best. There are radical feminists who believe that the concept of gender should be completely eliminated from the society, there are socialist or Marxist feminists who believe that capitalism strengthens status quo and thus, it is the economic factor that should be looked upon. There’s cultural feminism that believes in discouraging masculine behaviour and encouraging feminine behaviour, and then there are liberal feminists who believe that women should have a control over their own choices, to enable equality in a society.
I agree and disagree with each of these theories. Such rigid solutions create problems for feminism as a concept and may further strengthen the pillars of patriarchy. For example, my problem with liberal feminists is that in India, family acts as the major agent of passing down ideas of patriarchy to the next generation. It is not the male members but the women of the family who are the flag bearers of the institution. It is the mother who teaches her daughter that marriage and her husband are the ultimate goals of her life, and her son that ‘manliness’ is extremely important to lead a respectful life.
How can a population of patriarchal women make equal choices for themselves then? My doubts were further supported by the cases that I came across during my internship. More often than not, I observed that the victims of domestic violence wanted to resolve issues within the family; no matter how spine-chilling the violence was. They didn’t want to go back to their parental home but wanted to live with their husbands; because it has been taught to them from the very beginning that it is the husband’s house where they truly belong.
Women have been responsible for carrying the burden of their family’s ‘honour’. Anything a woman does that goes against the laws of patriarchy, or the society’s concept of morality is considered shameful. This rule, however, does not apply to men. Men are free to do whatever they want; even if it means violating a person or sometimes an animal for that matter. And why won’t they be? If a human being is given the status of ‘Parmeshwar’ (God) in a society where animals are slaughtered in the name of God, I wouldn’t expect anyone to do anything else with this indefinite power other than exploiting those who don’t have it.
Such notions strengthen the power structure of an already authoritarian system. Economic empowerment of women may help to some extent, but cultural lag and the forces of patriarchy make sure that this empowerment doesn’t affect her secondary position in the society. As Simone de Beauvoir rightly said in her book- The Second Sex: “One is not born but, rather becomes a woman.” It is the ‘becoming’ of this woman who is submissive, can be tamed and is docile, that has helped patriarchy survive for hundreds of years.
Some people might argue that there are societies where matriarchy is practised, some residing in India itself. However, matriarchy as a concept hasn’t helped women’s case much either. Even in these areas, it is the brother of the women who have control over their reproductive rights. The male authority, thus, never fails to seep in even in a society that is supposed to be run by women.
Agencies like Jagori have worked extensively to help and counsel women in distress and to make them aware of their rights as women in India. But I feel that women find it hard to completely shatter their perspective on life, that has been taught to them through years of socialisation. They find it difficult to challenge the existing structure as it is, even though this very structure has failed them. I believe there is no single magic solution to deal with this problem.
It will be a long and hard process to reform our cultural, social and economic domains and make them more gender neutral. The idea of a society free from such exploitations may seem utopian but should be encouraged, nevertheless. My discourse is limited to the thought process of women because as a girl, I find myself in a better position to comment on the same. However, I would like to add that patriarchy has negatively impacted our men too.
It has told them that expressing emotions is ‘unmanly’ and prevented them from expressing their feelings, which has further made them stone cold. These zombie-like, frustrated men thus, do not find it hard to rape their mother or beat their wife to death. Yes, not all men are the same, but there are enough men to make my parents think a hundred times before letting me walk out of my house or stay over at a friend’s place. Enough men to force the government to form Mahila Thanas and Crime Against Women Cells. Enough men to make the people of the country form their own organizations or NGOs to fight the evil that is patriarchy.