As a teenager, I was always confused about which issues were or were not supposed to be discussed. The ‘changes’ that occur at the age of 15 or 16 were unfamiliar for a teenager who, like me, comes from a village area. We were (and still are) not allowed to discuss them in front of our families, with siblings, or even with friends because none of them know the right stuff.
Once, I found some of my elder brother’s friends watching porn. As I joined them, I found something enjoyable in it. Here starts a confusing journey, which later becomes a habit.
That day, for the first time, I masturbated.
I didn’t know when it became a habit, but I got trapped in it. For my satisfaction I have found a suitable excuse—that it reduces stress. But after a point, when you come to know it can’t be controlled, you started worrying about it.
My mind had oriented itself in that direction so strongly that whenever I found myself alone, I started thinking of masturbation. With it, there was always 3-4 hours of sleep, which seemed like a gift originating from post-masturbation weakness. If I masturbated early in the morning I had to bunk all my classes, and to wait get myself back into a rhythm. If I did it in the night, it would again become a habit.
But later I realised that I was doing something wrong. I started feeling guilty about it. As we are in the 21st century, I went to Google. I searched for information about it on YouTube, trying to find out the reason, a solution; trying to find out if it is normal. And till what extent? I had these and other questions in my mind.
But has that helped? No, next time, again, when I was alone, the same thing happened. My mind was dominated by that feeling that I didn’t have time to think. I had to talk to my heart and make it understand.
But slowly, I somehow supressed my feelings, to obey my rule. But for how long? One day, my resolve will break, I thought. And for the next 4-5 days, I will be masturbating daily, till I am satisfied.
What is the permanent solution? Sorry, but for those who really want an answer, it doesn’t exist. There are methods, but I don’t know which will help you. One of my favourite methods is to avoid being alone. I started going outside when there was no one inside except me. Another idea is that when you think about masturbation, start doing something else that you really enjoy. For me, I start reading any book, or I sleep, which seems to be a better option. Another method can be keeping yourself busy.
Will you be able to stop masturbation completely? No, not at all. Don’t even think about it. Try reducing the frequency. Try to make the time gap larger every time. If in between your journey you again fall into same loop, my suggestion is to go to a peaceful place alone. Reflect on yourself. If you have a best friend who can understand you, tell them. I never tried this method but some have found it useful. If it’s not possible, write it in your pocket diary. Have a sticky note on the walls of your bedroom. All of these efforts are to truly awake the mind. Make it mentally strong. Remind yourself of your goal from time to time!
Best of luck to my fellow confused teenagers going through the same!