Imagine yourself sitting at a bar with a bunch of 20-somethings and some 30-plus men and women. Of course, there is a lot to speak about when young minds get together, but there is one subject that’s commonly discussed: dating. Of course, it’s fun to know what’s going on in your friend’s life and I’d like to clarify here, it’s not about curiosity. It’s about getting excited about a prospective person in your friend’s life and probably, it does act as a consolation that you may too find someone, someday.
Today, the first thought that pops in most of our minds when we hear dating is ‘download Tinder’. Maybe I am a little old-school and here I do not mean my resistance towards dating apps; it is about my dislike for hook-ups and lack of commitment. There’s a ton of options for us millennials, everything is available at the click of a button. Feeling hungry? Order from Zomato. Want to buy new clothes? There are a whole lot of e-commerce websites. Want to date? Of course, there’s Tinder and a host of other apps. You may think life is good, after all, it’s so simple. You have everything you want.
That’s the basic issue here. Since I have everything so easy, why would I make all the effort of trying to know someone deeply and at a higher emotional level, right? Most of us think – why take a risk? Let’s just have some fun, phir ‘dekha jayega’ (Then we’ll see). Par yehi toh problem hai! (But that’s the problem!) If this does not seem good enough, I can always swipe for another option.
There’s no harm in being casual for those who like it, to each their own. But intimacy in such cases, I believe, is only about instant gratification. Again, it’s fine if someone wants to indulge in it, but there are many like me who are looking for something beyond that. People are gorging these days, there’s always greed; there’s always this desire to have as many options available. No wonder, intimacy is lost.
For some, they hold on to the belief that someday this casual trend will turn to stable, and more often than not this results in heartbreak. I am not saying that once you are involved with another person, it has to last. But at least you bare your soul and undress your emotions. Here, it’s about undressing your clothes first and doing the talking later. At the risk of sounding stereotypical, this does happen, but not to everyone. There is a handful who’ve been lucky and have found someone with the same wavelength. Of course, exceptions always exist.
But there’s another dangerous trend that has crept in: CHEATING. Not that it didn’t exist earlier, but it is now more common because you can meet as many men and women, without your spouse/partner knowing about your promiscuous relations. It is scary, to say the least, and this has actually given way to more suspicion and trust issues. Sad but true.
One of the greatest lines I’ve ever heard about dating was from a scene in “Sex in the City”. Essentially: Men are like cabs — they are only available if their light is on.
These lines from ‘Sex and the City’ are so relatable:
Miranda: Men are like cabs. When they’re available their light goes on. They wake up one day, they decide they are ready to settle down, have babies, whatever, and they turn their light on. The next woman they pick up, boom, that’s the one they’ll marry. It’s not fate. It’s dumb luck.
Charlotte: Sorry, I refuse to believe that love is that random.
Miranda: It’s all about timing. You gotta get them when their light’s on.
Carrie: Most men I meet are flashing yellows.
Miranda: Or off duty. They can drive around for years picking up women and not be available.
As much as it is empowering to be able to make your choices, I think technology is killing love and how. Or maybe, my soul mate is on Tinder, but his light isn’t on as yet!