When her boyfriend broke-up with her, Sonal handled her own feelings of hurt by trying to cause him harm.
She wanted to talk about it. He said it’s over.
Break ups hurt, especially when they are not mutual. Feelings of betrayal or being used can follow, sometimes with an overwhelming urge to ‘teach-a-lesson’ to punish the ex for what is in fact incompatibility or a growing apart of two people.
Sonal couldn’t understand why her boyfriend simply called it off. So she persisted in asking him to talk it through. He in turn stopped talking, blocked her and complained of annoyance to other people. Almost as if ‘nothing’ had ever happened between them. In anger, Sonal sent all their chats and photographs to her brother, drawing comfort that a sound thrashing by her brother would help settle scores with her ex.
So what do we do with feelings of possessiveness or betrayal that follow break-ups? With the hurt that fuels anger, do we act upon these to lash out and harm? Or can we instead acknowledge the hurt, and do what it takes – as long as it takes – to heal ourselves. It’s okay to admit that break-ups hurt. It’s okay to reach out to friends, to re-discover activities and pastimes that rejuvenate and awaken us to the other sources of joy around us.
Attraction and intimacies require mutuality – they cannot be imposed or demanded. If you hurt – reach out to friends to heal and to move on.