I underwent an abortion in 2014 in Pune. It was a medical abortion. I had no knowledge whatsoever, and I was extremely scared.
All of this started when I missed my period. Five days later, I took a test and to my shock, it was positive. In that moment, I felt devastated. I was only 22 at that time and I wasn’t even sure of what is going to happen to me next. My boyfriend at that time was extremely supportive and together, we tried finding clinics around.
The problem with abortions is that even though it is legal, you’re looked down upon, and most doctors even judge you. The stigma is not unreal, and this is still Pune; you go to the smaller towns and cities in India, it is way worse.
I was too scared to go to a big clinic/renowned hospital. Thankfully, my roommate understood something was up and she spoke to me. That’s when I got to know that she had been through this too and she gave me her doctor’s details, which sort of made things wee bit easier for me.
I went to a shady clinic, the doctor was nice. I could see a lot of pregnant women around me and that scared the hell out of me. I was extremely emotional at this point because the way we have been brought up, it was always said and believed that abortion is a big deal, that you’re killing a living being.
The doctor then sent me for sonography where the lady judged me and made me feel like absolute crap. She asked me a number of questions which were completely unnecessary. She asked me if I’m married, when I said no, she asked if I was engaged. When I said no again, she said “patanai kahan se aate hain”; and I still remember it because I came out crying.
Since it was a medical abortion, it did not take so long, the doctor explained both procedures to me – medical and surgical. I opted for medical. He then gave me a few pills which were to be taken for three days, post which they asked me to visit the clinic again for another set of pills which were shoved into my privates. This, again, scared me because all that I had read online about medical abortions – a lot of those links said it is not safe, it can kill you, result in your death etc.
I was scared about a lot of things – my family finding out, someone seeing me at the clinic, and killing a living being (blame the internet for me not understanding the entire process of foetus development).
Once the medical procedure was over, I was sent home. I immediately started bleeding and I was bleeding for seven days, with immense pain for the first few days.
It was extremely emotionally draining. That is the one thing I can never explain in words. I was crying, every single day. It still disturbs me at times but I do understand now that abortion is a woman’s choice, it is her right to her body.
Married/unmarried/engaged/committed/ divorced it does not matter. I just wish I knew more about it back then and could get more information – from the doctor or the internet.
Slowly, once I was okay to talk about things, I told a few of my closest friends about this and they were very supportive. I think that’s what was needed – a conversation. You should be able to talk to someone about this. Because it is definitely not easy to go through something so disturbing all by yourself.