There’s A Thin Line Between Being A Virgin And Not Being One, Both Are My Personal Choice

What do people wish for in India? Fresh vegetables and fruits, pure milk, pure ghee, refined oil, cheaper petrol, diesel and LPG, clean streets, corruption free ministries, clean money and “pure” women. For many, it might be a foreign term, an alien word, a meaningless concept. But for the rest, who pretend like they haven’t heard of it, or sought it, deep inside will curse me for having said that out loud in public. You read the first few lines and judge me, saying, “Another fake attempt of feminism or rather, femi-nazism”. But this isn’t so. I have eyes that have seen enough, ears that have heard enough and mind that has read and known enough. Enough to at least realise that I do have the right to speak and I can place my opinion in public. I will not say that I can opine without fearing about being judged. No. I know I will be judged by many. But what good does fear do? Will I not be judged when I keep my mouth shut?

Sex is a taboo here. Everyone here chooses not to discuss it. A couple of years ago, I was one amongst them. But you know what my pride is, I am not the same. I have grown over the years, learnt over the years, and I have changed over the years. You cannot discuss sex in public here. You aren’t supposed to watch pornographic materials, be it in the form of video or paper. You aren’t supposed to know about human reproductive anatomy. Read important questions only from that chapter. You aren’t supposed to date anyone, keep aside physical relationships. But you can judge a woman based on the presence or absence of a thin flesh, the hymen. I will not even consider the possibilities of losing it through extracurricular activities, because that is what people here do.

The worst part is that women judge women as well. Again I will say I have done the same few years ago. I have been one in the crowd of a thousand others. But my victory lies in abandoning the crowd. Once they know it, all you receive are smirks and some other remarks which you are yourself not aware of. I, sometimes, feel the need of asking them a fundamental question.

“Do you consider your body as yours? You do, right? So do I. Then why make it a public concern as to what I should be doing with my body. I might decide it to lose my virginity with someone I am in love with since the last ten years, or maybe ten days. Why do you care? Or I might choose to lose it with someone who I do not harbour any feelings for. It is solely my choice. Isn’t it? Then why do you choose to look at me through the corner of your eyes with scorn and tag me a slut? Does that make you feel superior to me? Do you never realised how much it degrades you and not me?”

Now you would say it is easier for me to ask the women such questions who would not be spending their lives with “one such woman”. But what about the man who has decided to do so. According to what my 23-year-old life and years of education have taught me, it is easy to say “I love you” but difficult to delve into it and feel it. But once you do, you do not find virginity a reason for desertion. Rather you find a scarred soul, a pure soul you love. If you cannot do that, and if her virginity is the only “commodity” you seek, you may leave her as well. She deserves better. It isn’t wrong for a woman to fall in love and want to spend her rest of the life with a man. It isn’t wrong if she decides to share all her happiness, sorrow, worry, insecurities, success, failure and her bed with him. And it isn’t her fault if the relationship doesn’t end the way she had dreamt it to be, be it for any reason you can think of. Can you blame her for that? No. You can easily say, “It is okay if you had a past relationship.” But why do you raise your eyebrows once she chooses to share with you how scared she is for having shared her heart, soul, and body with someone who left her. Why does this very statement make you reconsider your decisions? Why is it such a big deal? Why is it something which can be abandoned in public but can be used to judge someone’s character in private?

You know there is a thin line between being a virgin and not being one, a thin line which may be crossed at any point in time. Any situation, any circumstance, any thought can change this. And when you come across such a woman, there is a thin line between being supportive or being a despicable, contemptible, mean, vile, worthless person. It is all your choice on which side of the line you want to be.

Created by Sumana Chowdhury

Do you agree here?

 

Similar Posts

Share your details to download the report.









We promise not to spam or send irrelevant information.

Share your details to download the report.









We promise not to spam or send irrelevant information.

An ambassador and trained facilitator under Eco Femme (a social enterprise working towards menstrual health in south India), Sanjina is also an active member of the MHM Collective- India and Menstrual Health Alliance- India. She has conducted Menstrual Health sessions in multiple government schools adopted by Rotary District 3240 as part of their WinS project in rural Bengal. She has also delivered training of trainers on SRHR, gender, sexuality and Menstruation for Tomorrow’s Foundation, Vikramshila Education Resource Society, Nirdhan trust and Micro Finance, Tollygunj Women In Need, Paint It Red in Kolkata.

Now as an MH Fellow with YKA, she’s expanding her impressive scope of work further by launching a campaign to facilitate the process of ensuring better menstrual health and SRH services for women residing in correctional homes in West Bengal. The campaign will entail an independent study to take stalk of the present conditions of MHM in correctional homes across the state and use its findings to build public support and political will to take the necessary action.

Saurabh has been associated with YKA as a user and has consistently been writing on the issue MHM and its intersectionality with other issues in the society. Now as an MHM Fellow with YKA, he’s launched the Right to Period campaign, which aims to ensure proper execution of MHM guidelines in Delhi’s schools.

The long-term aim of the campaign is to develop an open culture where menstruation is not treated as a taboo. The campaign also seeks to hold the schools accountable for their responsibilities as an important component in the implementation of MHM policies by making adequate sanitation infrastructure and knowledge of MHM available in school premises.

Read more about his campaign.

Harshita is a psychologist and works to support people with mental health issues, particularly adolescents who are survivors of violence. Associated with the Azadi Foundation in UP, Harshita became an MHM Fellow with YKA, with the aim of promoting better menstrual health.

Her campaign #MeriMarzi aims to promote menstrual health and wellness, hygiene and facilities for female sex workers in UP. She says, “Knowledge about natural body processes is a very basic human right. And for individuals whose occupation is providing sexual services, it becomes even more important.”

Meri Marzi aims to ensure sensitised, non-discriminatory health workers for the needs of female sex workers in the Suraksha Clinics under the UPSACS (Uttar Pradesh State AIDS Control Society) program by creating more dialogues and garnering public support for the cause of sex workers’ menstrual rights. The campaign will also ensure interventions with sex workers to clear misconceptions around overall hygiene management to ensure that results flow both ways.

Read more about her campaign.

MH Fellow Sabna comes with significant experience working with a range of development issues. A co-founder of Project Sakhi Saheli, which aims to combat period poverty and break menstrual taboos, Sabna has, in the past, worked on the issue of menstruation in urban slums of Delhi with women and adolescent girls. She and her team also released MenstraBook, with menstrastories and organised Menstra Tlk in the Delhi School of Social Work to create more conversations on menstruation.

With YKA MHM Fellow Vineet, Sabna launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society. As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Read more about her campaign. 

A student from Delhi School of Social work, Vineet is a part of Project Sakhi Saheli, an initiative by the students of Delhi school of Social Work to create awareness on Menstrual Health and combat Period Poverty. Along with MHM Action Fellow Sabna, Vineet launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society.

As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Find out more about the campaign here.

A native of Bhagalpur district – Bihar, Shalini Jha believes in equal rights for all genders and wants to work for a gender-equal and just society. In the past she’s had a year-long association as a community leader with Haiyya: Organise for Action’s Health Over Stigma campaign. She’s pursuing a Master’s in Literature with Ambedkar University, Delhi and as an MHM Fellow with YKA, recently launched ‘Project अल्हड़ (Alharh)’.

She says, “Bihar is ranked the lowest in India’s SDG Index 2019 for India. Hygienic and comfortable menstruation is a basic human right and sustainable development cannot be ensured if menstruators are deprived of their basic rights.” Project अल्हड़ (Alharh) aims to create a robust sensitised community in Bhagalpur to collectively spread awareness, break the taboo, debunk myths and initiate fearless conversations around menstruation. The campaign aims to reach at least 6000 adolescent girls from government and private schools in Baghalpur district in 2020.

Read more about the campaign here.

A psychologist and co-founder of a mental health NGO called Customize Cognition, Ritika forayed into the space of menstrual health and hygiene, sexual and reproductive healthcare and rights and gender equality as an MHM Fellow with YKA. She says, “The experience of working on MHM/SRHR and gender equality has been an enriching and eye-opening experience. I have learned what’s beneath the surface of the issue, be it awareness, lack of resources or disregard for trans men, who also menstruate.”

The Transmen-ses campaign aims to tackle the issue of silence and disregard for trans men’s menstruation needs, by mobilising gender sensitive health professionals and gender neutral restrooms in Lucknow.

Read more about the campaign here.

A Computer Science engineer by education, Nitisha started her career in the corporate sector, before realising she wanted to work in the development and social justice space. Since then, she has worked with Teach For India and Care India and is from the founding batch of Indian School of Development Management (ISDM), a one of its kind organisation creating leaders for the development sector through its experiential learning post graduate program.

As a Youth Ki Awaaz Menstrual Health Fellow, Nitisha has started Let’s Talk Period, a campaign to mobilise young people to switch to sustainable period products. She says, “80 lakh women in Delhi use non-biodegradable sanitary products, generate 3000 tonnes of menstrual waste, that takes 500-800 years to decompose; which in turn contributes to the health issues of all menstruators, increased burden of waste management on the city and harmful living environment for all citizens.

Let’s Talk Period aims to change this by

Find out more about her campaign here.

Share your details to download the report.









We promise not to spam or send irrelevant information.

A former Assistant Secretary with the Ministry of Women and Child Development in West Bengal for three months, Lakshmi Bhavya has been championing the cause of menstrual hygiene in her district. By associating herself with the Lalana Campaign, a holistic menstrual hygiene awareness campaign which is conducted by the Anahat NGO, Lakshmi has been slowly breaking taboos when it comes to periods and menstrual hygiene.

A Gender Rights Activist working with the tribal and marginalized communities in india, Srilekha is a PhD scholar working on understanding body and sexuality among tribal girls, to fill the gaps in research around indigenous women and their stories. Srilekha has worked extensively at the grassroots level with community based organisations, through several advocacy initiatives around Gender, Mental Health, Menstrual Hygiene and Sexual and Reproductive Health Rights (SRHR) for the indigenous in Jharkhand, over the last 6 years.

Srilekha has also contributed to sustainable livelihood projects and legal aid programs for survivors of sex trafficking. She has been conducting research based programs on maternal health, mental health, gender based violence, sex and sexuality. Her interest lies in conducting workshops for young people on life skills, feminism, gender and sexuality, trauma, resilience and interpersonal relationships.

A Guwahati-based college student pursuing her Masters in Tata Institute of Social Sciences, Bidisha started the #BleedwithDignity campaign on the technology platform Change.org, demanding that the Government of Assam install
biodegradable sanitary pad vending machines in all government schools across the state. Her petition on Change.org has already gathered support from over 90000 people and continues to grow.

Bidisha was selected in Change.org’s flagship program ‘She Creates Change’ having run successful online advocacy
campaigns, which were widely recognised. Through the #BleedwithDignity campaign; she organised and celebrated World Menstrual Hygiene Day, 2019 in Guwahati, Assam by hosting a wall mural by collaborating with local organisations. The initiative was widely covered by national and local media, and the mural was later inaugurated by the event’s chief guest Commissioner of Guwahati Municipal Corporation (GMC) Debeswar Malakar, IAS.

Sign up for the Youth Ki Awaaz Prime Ministerial Brief below