You know, you are not alone in this. I too feel the same way, hopeless and unhappy all the time. When I think about happiness, nothing comes to my mind. I feel like I am becoming detached and disinterested in things or people. I am losing the urge to get up and pull myself together and get things done. I am losing myself day by day. I didn’t use to be the person that I have now become. I know I walked down on a different road but I feel like I left everything behind and there is nothing to look forward to now.
I feel like I do not deserve happiness, comfort, care, love or anything that can make my life simple. I have become comfortable with the pain, sufferings, loneliness, silence, or talking to myself or sometimes crying in a corner. When something good happens or is about to happen, I feel uncomfortable. I question that why is this even happening? I feel like this is not true, it’s an illusion and will disappear the second I touch it. I have not been at home for 14 months, and I don’t miss it, or maybe I do sometimes, I don’t know. I don’t feel like talking to them either. They are hurt because of me, but I am not able to do anything. Everything is out of my hands now.
I can feel all the emotions altogether yet I feel nothing. I feel hungry and full at the same time. I feel like no one can help me or nothing can cheer me up. This is what I have become, but still, I am fighting every day to live for one more day so that I can figure things out somehow.
I am too alone that I talk to myself whenever I want to vent out. I am not giving up. I still have the same dreams, guts and strength. Life may have left me, but I haven’t abandoned it. Life can take anything from me, but it can’t take away my dreams, guts and my will to prove that I’m not a victim. I am not entitled to drown and disappear in the irregularities of life, not until I make this country a better place to live and breath someday. I can’t vanish until I do my part, something that I have dreamt since my childhood.
The goodness within pushes me to fight the darkness that engulfs me because I’m aware that I’m responsible for my condition. Maybe I am a lost cause, or perhaps not, but I can’t figure this out if I give up. I am no different than you if you are reading this and finding yourself in my shoes. It happens to so many people, including me. You and I are not guilty. We are just the victims of the negative energy around us.
You must be wondering why am I telling you all this. I am sharing this with you to draw your attention to the importance of self-help. If you don’t help yourself now, you will end up here, where I am. And if you already are, then you are doomed as much as I am. In that case, you need to be more patient and strong because it’s going to take some time and a lot of guts to come out of such situations. Despite my efforts, I haven’t come out of my situation. Yet, I keep trying. I know there is a way out of this, and I’m taking baby steps towards it regardless of the uncertainties and obstacles on the road down to the “Okay world”.
They say we all should be happy, and that happiness is a choice, not a condition. But how can someone be happy if there is nothing to hold on to or be happy about? How can someone be happy if there is nothing to look forward to?
Everyone goes through this phase where we suffer an existential crisis and don’t know how did we get there. We question that why should we go on? So, maybe happiness is the choice but for those who have it around or have it within them. But few of us lack that spark in our heart that can make us smile. But it’s not like that we can never be happy. We can. But first, we have to break the layer of sadness and disappointments around us. We have to do something which we like or used to like. We have to do it correctly and at the earliest so that we can accomplish some small achievements.
We must figure out and do something that gives us a feeling of satisfaction and fulfilment. Once we do that, the layer of self-disappointment will start to melt, and we will begin to believe in ourselves again. Self-belief is something that can push us forward. This self-belief will open the door for self-motivation. So if your situation is similar to mine, then start melting the layer of disappointment and discouragement around you. Begin removing the negative energy around you. I have already mentioned above how to connect the dots and help yourself to come out of such situation.
It’s not your fault that you feel this emptiness and sadness around you. You are just another victim like several others. But you have to know that only you can help yourself. You have to analyse your situation rationally and try to connect the dots.
But finding those dots is not an easy task. If you think doing something may pull you out of all this, don’t hesitate to take that plunge. Don’t worry about hurting anyone with your decisions. Being stuck might already be hurting people who care about you. Maybe things could change for the better if you take that plunge.
Be patient if you are struggling to connect dots and analyse a pattern. There is always something which triggers the adverse outcomes in our life. You have to look for that trigger. You have to look where and how it all started or who caused it. Maybe you took things more seriously than required. Once you figure out these triggers, you have to focus on damage control and try to deal with those triggers more maturely.
Once you introspect for the causes of your pain and disappointments, I am sure you’ll be in a position to control and manage your situation.
You know life is like a rope, and you can only move forward or backwards. Sometimes what’s done can’t be undone. Many times we aren’t in complete control of what is to follow. Sometimes we lose something that can’t be regained. Loss can be of anything like time, energy, hard work, emotions, person, etc. But, we can focus on damage control.
Life is full of uncertainties. Anyone can fall at any point in life. But, you have to remember that while we fail and fall, nothing can keep us on the ground forever. We can stand up, whenever we are ready again.
Nobody can tell you what’s right for you right now until they know the full story. You can’t expect proper help unless you share your story.
I have a map that can direct me to come out of this situation. I will rise again because my dreams include me as well as everyone else around me, who need help. I don’t know if my words can help someone or not. But I am sure if anyone’s inner world is anywhere similar to mine then the road-map that I presented might help them manage their situations in a better way.