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How I Came To Terms With Rejection From A Woman I Loved

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PLD logoEditor’s Note: This post is part of a video series by Partners for Law in Development - India and Co:Motion. Based on stories re-constructed from real cases, this series, in collaboration with Youth Ki Awaaz, seeks to create crucial conversations around sexuality, consent and rejection. If you have experiences or a story to share, publish it here.

By Arpit Chhikara:

Anay* did not know how to react when *Abha suddenly stopped picking up his calls. It drove him crazy. Anay tells Love Matters what he did next.

Falling in love…yet again

It was not the first time I felt attracted to a girl when I saw Abha. We met at an event in Delhi and immediately liked each other. After the event was over we instantly hit off. She was in the second year of college.

I fell in love with the way she ate with her mouth full and it just made me want to meet her again in future. We hung out with each other in the evening and enjoyed each other’s company. While calling it a day, we hugged each other and bid goodbye after exchanging numbers.

Hugs, but no kisses

I texted her the next morning to thank her for spending time with me. We began to stay in touch via text messages but I had no idea how to get close to her without being a pervert. So I did the obvious thing. I planned to meet her again.

I was elated when she agreed to accompany me to an art exhibition. She reached the spot on time and looked beautiful than ever in her bright yellow dress. I was daydreaming about kissing her lips and playing with her hair but I was waiting for the right time.

She walked the art gallery with me, admiring each painting but I was more interested in spending time with her rather than just looking at the big sized paintings. So I insisted that we should go for a beer and she agreed.

Our conversations flowed like the beer in our mugs. We left the bar late in the evening. I was still not sure whether she was romantically interested in me as much as I was in her. We hugged and after saying good night, we left.

The second ‘no hugs’ phase

We stayed in touch over messages and continued sharing what happened in our daily lives. It was usually me who would message her every morning and night, without fail, but her replies would be prompt.

One day, I called her and she didn’t pick up the call. She texted me that she was busy. I wanted to take her out to the book fair and she said fine. She only came for one hour and left without giving me a hug.

I was a little doubtful about what was going in her head regarding me. I still had the urge to not only hug her but also come closer to her physically.

Out of answers

Since that day, she never picked up my calls. She even stopped replying to my messages. All my intentions of being more active in talking to her went downhill. I felt disturbed by her behaviour and even texted her to check what went wrong.

I kept repeating the sequence of events in my head – she went to the book fair but after that, we didn’t meet or talk or text. Did I do something to hurt her feelings? I was not some freak who would harm her physically or spoil her reputation or try to take advantage of her.

But how would she know that? I wish she would at least give me a reason for stopping the communication. I was out of answers.

No obligation

Unlike some guys who keep on trying hard to get a girl, I decided to stop communicating with her and deleted her number from my mobile. I could think of a few reasons – maybe she didn’t like me, was asexual or had a boyfriend.

She never said no, but the absence of a clear intention meant no to me. I concluded that she was interested in meeting me initially but lost the desire to know me more. It was hard initially, but I came to the terms that there was no obligation for her to like me just because I like her.

Eventually, my desires towards her were gone and I felt more in tune with myself. I recently met another lovely girl at a folk music event. I wish she positively responds to my intentions about her and if she doesn’t, I’ll move ahead.

*Names changed

Anay, 22, is a freelance writer in Delhi.

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Now as an MH Fellow with YKA, she’s expanding her impressive scope of work further by launching a campaign to facilitate the process of ensuring better menstrual health and SRH services for women residing in correctional homes in West Bengal. The campaign will entail an independent study to take stalk of the present conditions of MHM in correctional homes across the state and use its findings to build public support and political will to take the necessary action.

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The long-term aim of the campaign is to develop an open culture where menstruation is not treated as a taboo. The campaign also seeks to hold the schools accountable for their responsibilities as an important component in the implementation of MHM policies by making adequate sanitation infrastructure and knowledge of MHM available in school premises.

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A student from Delhi School of Social work, Vineet is a part of Project Sakhi Saheli, an initiative by the students of Delhi school of Social Work to create awareness on Menstrual Health and combat Period Poverty. Along with MHM Action Fellow Sabna, Vineet launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society.

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Find out more about her campaign here.

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A former Assistant Secretary with the Ministry of Women and Child Development in West Bengal for three months, Lakshmi Bhavya has been championing the cause of menstrual hygiene in her district. By associating herself with the Lalana Campaign, a holistic menstrual hygiene awareness campaign which is conducted by the Anahat NGO, Lakshmi has been slowly breaking taboos when it comes to periods and menstrual hygiene.

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