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“मेरा पति मेरा गर्भपात कराना चाहता है ताकि उसे यौन संबंध बनाने में दिक्कत ना हो”

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MyBodyMyChoice logoEditor’s Note: This post is a part of #MyBodyMyChoice, a campaign by Global Health Strategies and Youth Ki Awaaz to create awareness around access to safe abortion and women's right to reproductive justice. Join the conversation by publishing a story here.

“मैं सरकारी नौकरी करती हूं और मेरी शादी के दस महीने हो गए हैं। हर लड़की की चाहत होती है कि शादी के बाद एक दिन वो भी माँ बने। शादी से पहले मैं भी ऐसा सपना देखती थी, लेकिन मेरे पति ने सारे अरमानों पर पानी फेर दिया। दरअसल उसे कॉन्डम के साथ मज़ा नहीं आता है और इसलिए मैं अकसर गोलियां खाया करती थी। गोलियों से मेरी तबियत खराब हो जाती थी, इसलिए मैंने गोलियां लेनी बंद कर दी। पांच महीने हो चुके हैं मैं गर्भवती हूं और मेरे पति लगातार मुझे गर्भपात के लिए कहते रहते हैं। लेकिन मुझे यह हत्या लगता है, इसलिए मैंने साफ तौर पर मना कर दिया है।

मेरा पति गर्भपात इसलिए करवाना चाहता है ताकि उसे सेक्स करने में कोई परेशानी ना हो। एक तो मैं सुबह से लेकर शाम तक ऑफिस में होती थी और जब घर लौटती थी तब पॉर्न फिल्मों से प्रेरित होकर मेरा पति मेरी जान निकाल देता था।

मैंने कई बार उसे मना किया लेकिन वो सुनने वालों में से कहां था। उसे तो सुबह से लेकर शाम तक बस सेक्स ही चाहिए था। मैंने जब कहा कि मैं गर्भवती हूं तब उसने मुझे बहुत मारा और वो भी पेट पर ताकि मेरा बच्चा मर जाए। क्योंकि उसके लिए हमारा बच्चा तो सेक्स करने में बाधा बन रहा था ना।

अगले दिन जब मुझे काफी ब्लीडिंग हुई तब लगा कि मेरा बच्चा मर चुका होगा। एक दिन फिर जब मैंने मना किया तब उसने चाय बनाने वाली बर्तन से मेरे सर पर तब तक मारा जब तक वो लगभग टूट ना गया और उसका निशाना फिर से मेरे पेट में पल रहा उसका बच्चा था। उसने दो चार लात पेट पर लगा ही दी। मैं तीन महीने में तीन बार अल्ट्रासाउंड करवा चुकी हूं, यह जानने के लिए कि मेरा बच्चा ज़िन्दा है भी या नहीं। यूं तो रोज़ मैं बलात्कार का शिकार होती हूं। इतना डरती हूं कि रात-रात भर जागी रहती हूं, क्या पता वो मुझे सोते हुए कहीं मार ना दें।

लेकिन मां-बाबूजी कहते हैं कि समाज क्या कहेगा, थोड़ा एडजस्ट करो। उन्हें समाज की चिंता है और मुझे उनके मान-सम्मान की। शादी से पहले जब भी मैं कोई रोमांटिक सीन देखती थी तब मुझे अच्छा लगता था, लेकिन आज सेक्स मेरे लिए अत्याचार से बढ़कर कुछ भी नहीं है।

मेरे सास-ससुर कहते हैं कि मैं औरत हूं और औरतों की ज़िन्दगी ऐसी ही होती है। अगर यह बात सच है तब निःसंदेह मुझे ऐसी ज़िन्दगी नहीं चाहिए। मैं समाज से पूछना चाहती हूं कि क्या मेरे सास की ज़िन्दगी भी ऐसी थी।

वो कहता हैं मैं कोल्ड हूं, मैं ‘टर्न ऑन’ नहीं होती। क्या मैं मशीन हूं जिसे आप जब चाहे बटन दबाकर ‘टर्न ऑन’ कर सकते हैं। मेरा कोई दोस्त नहीं है और खासकर लड़का तो और भी नहीं, क्योंकि मेरे पति को लड़कों से मेरा बात करना पसंद नहीं है। हां, उसकी कोई गर्लफ्रेंड ज़रूर थी जिनसे उसकी आज भी बातचीत होती है। मैं उसके पिछले रिश्ते पर ध्यान नहीं देती क्योंकि मुझे पता है समय के साथ वो खत्म हो जाएगा। अब मैं अपने बच्चे को बचाने में लगी रहती हूं।

सबसे दिलचस्प बात यह है कि मेरे चोट के निशान के बारे में जब भी ऑफिस की एक महिला साथी पूछती है, तब मैं यहीं कहती हूं कि बाथरूम में गिर गई थी और वो मुस्कुराते हुए कहती हैं कि मैं भी लगभग रोज़ बाथरूम में गिर जाती थी। वो ये कहकर चली जाती है कि जब औरत बाथरूम में गिरने लगे तब समझ लेना उसकी शादी कभी नहीं टूटेगी, जैसे उनकी आज तक नहीं टूटी। मैं यह सुनकर खौफज़दा हो जाती हूं कि क्या समाज का मान रखने के लिए मुझे इसकी आदत लगानी पड़ेगी।

मैं हमेशा सोचती रहती हूं कि आत्महत्या कर लूं, लेकिन गर्भवती होने की वजह से अब तो आत्महत्या भी नहीं कर सकती। पढ़ी लिखी होने के बाद भी अगर मेरे साथ ऐसी चीज़ें हो सकती हैं, फिर उन औरतों का क्या होता होगा जो मेरी तरह नहीं है।

मैं रोज़ मरती हूं लेकिन जीना अब मेरी मजबूरी बन गई है। मृत्यु स्वतंत्रता जैसी लगती है। शादी तोड़ना चाहती हूं, लेकिन क्या यह समाज कभी सोचेगा कि मैं अकेले एक स्वतंत्र महिला के रूप में जीवन जी सकती हूं।

क्या ‘समय’ मेरी आत्मा पर लगे घाव भी भर देगा? वो लातें जो मेरे पेट पर लगी थीं वो असल में पेट नहीं आत्मा पर घाव कर गई थी। मेरे आत्मसम्मान की धज्जियां उड़ गई।

हम सब गर्व करते हैं कि ये महान, वो महान और अंत में कहते हैं कि मेरा भारत महान। जिस महान देश में मेरे जैसी औरतों का ये हाल हो, वैसी महानता किस काम की। मेरा ईश्वर पर से विश्वास उठ गया है क्योंकि मेरा पति परमेश्वर है। भगवानों में श्रेष्ठ! श्रेष्ठ का ही जब हाल ऐसा हो, तब उसके नीचे वाले क्या करते होंगे, सोचकर ही रूह कांप जाती है।

आपके कई लेख यूथ की आवाज़ पर पढ़ने के बाद दिल में एक उम्मीद जगी। आप कुछ कर नहीं सकते, कम-से-कम समझ तो सकते हो। हर कोई मुझे एडजस्ट करने ही कहता है। अब आप बताएं एडजस्मेंट तो ज़िन्दगी से किया जाएगा ना, मृत्यु से कोई कैसे एडजस्ट करे? मैं अपना नाम भी नहीं बता रही क्योंकि मैं पहचान, अस्मिता सब कुछ खो चुकी हूं। मेरा गुमनाम हो जाना ही मेरे अच्छे औरत होने की निशानी है।”

नोट:  यह लेख एक अनाम महिला से बातचीत पर आधारित है। महिला ने Youth Ki Awaaz के यूज़र दीपक भास्कर को अपनी आपबीती बताई है। दीपक YKA के रेगुलर यूज़र हैं।

 

Youth Ki Awaaz के बेहतरीन लेख हर हफ्ते ईमेल के ज़रिए पाने के लिए रजिस्टर करें

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  1. soniModest

    meri aapse ye request hai, ki aap turant ek strict nirnay lete hue apne husband ko divorce de… kyuki mera tajurba ye kehta hai ki aise logon ki mentallity kabhi change ni hoti. Abhi aap pregnant hai isliye samaj k dar se kuch ni kar rahi baad me aap apne bache k future k baare me soch k phir samaj k dar se kuch ni karegi… ye chalta rahega. Isliye kyuki aap independent hain isliye apne aane wale bachhe k ujjawal future k liye aapko ye kadam uthana chahiye… Warna aapke husband jaisi mentallity k log hamesha apne swarth k baare me sochenge aur kyuki unhe bachhe me koi interest ni hai isliye ve achhe pita bhi saabit ni ho skte!! PLEASE SAMAJ KI CHINTA NA KARE… KYUKI HAR PARISHTHITI ME KUCH TO LOG KAHENGE. Aap independent hain !!

  2. Anamika Ranjan

    Sahi hai Samaj ke liye .Sahi Sandesh pehchana. Ek acchi writer ke Sahi Pehchan Hai. Samaj mein abhi bhi mahilao ke sath Atyachar ho raha hai.youthkiawaaz ke saath hai.

  3. Anamika Ranjan

    Meri kuch Kahani aisi hai. Hum Bhi pareshan hai. Hum bhi kuch kehna chahte hain. Shadi Ka decision Mata Pita Ka Hota Hai. Par Mata Pita ko samajh Na Chahiye Bachi Ki Khushi kiss me. Jab Koi Ladki Kisi Se Pyar Karti Ho .usko Chhod Kar Kisi Aur shadi karna Papa Ki Khushi Ke Liye. Woh Ladki Yeh sochti hai Maa Papa Ki Khushi Se Badhkar duniya mein kuch nahi hai. Pati ke sath Jeena chahti hai. Us Ladki Ki sacrifice majak banta hai. Uska Pati usko samajh nahi pata. Honesty ke saath uske sath Rehna chahti sirf Apne Papa Ki Khushi Ke Liye. Shivaay Milta Hai Nafrat.. Maa Papa se kuch bolo. Samaj kya kahega. Kisi Se Pyar Karo. To Samaj kya kahega. Jaat Paat mein Ucha nicha Ho. Samaj kya kahega. Youthkiawaaz ke dwara Sandesh Dena chahti Hoon. Mata Pita ko shadi ki decision mein Soch Samajh Ke Lena chahiye. Ek galat decision Zindagi Barbad kar deti hai. Kya Hua Jo Koi Kisi Se Pyar Karta Hai. Uski Pasand ko check karna chahiye sahi hai ya galat tab decision Lena chahiye shadi Khel Nahi Hai. Her parents ko Bachi Ki Khushi dekhni chahiye.

  4. Anamika Ranjan

    Mr Bhaskar aap se kuch karna chahte hai. Galat mansikta pe Aap Ka Dhyan kendrit karna chahte hai. Meri dost ki kahani hai. Uski shadi ho chuki hai. Shadi Shuda life mein bahut khush bhi thi. Ek baar life mein. Mushkil aa rahi thi. Uske Jism par Chote Chote white spots. Dikhne Lage. Kis Karan se. Apne bache ko Apna doodh bhi nahi de sakte. Delivery me operation ke dwara hua tha. Jab tak uski Maa saath mein thi. Tab tak Sasural Walo ne achi Tarah Se Dhyan diye the. Jaisi Dean Uske Maa Wapas Ghar Aa Gayi. Uski Saas sasur dwara torture Kiya ja raha tha. Delivery ka 1 month abhi nahi huaa uske sath bahut miss behave kya Gaya. Ghar Ki saaf Safai. Moti-moti Kapra Dhoni dena. Washing machine ka use nahi karna. Operation ke jagah par Manas Nikal Aaya Tha. Khane Peene mein dikkat dena. Itna ke BP low ho gaya tha. Jab Woh Ladki Apne maa ke gar Aa Gayi. Samosa se utarti hai. Behosh Ho Gayi. Doctor se dikhaya Gaya. Tu Pata Chala BP low hai Khan Paan Sahi dhang se nahi huaa hai.. Kafi din tak bed pe so rahi.

  5. Mohit Nimal

    Meri friend k sath aisa hi hua, vo ab gar h, case chal rha h, apko awaaj uthani pdegi, khud k liye b, dusro k liye b, sab sath h.

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An ambassador and trained facilitator under Eco Femme (a social enterprise working towards menstrual health in south India), Sanjina is also an active member of the MHM Collective- India and Menstrual Health Alliance- India. She has conducted Menstrual Health sessions in multiple government schools adopted by Rotary District 3240 as part of their WinS project in rural Bengal. She has also delivered training of trainers on SRHR, gender, sexuality and Menstruation for Tomorrow’s Foundation, Vikramshila Education Resource Society, Nirdhan trust and Micro Finance, Tollygunj Women In Need, Paint It Red in Kolkata.

Now as an MH Fellow with YKA, she’s expanding her impressive scope of work further by launching a campaign to facilitate the process of ensuring better menstrual health and SRH services for women residing in correctional homes in West Bengal. The campaign will entail an independent study to take stalk of the present conditions of MHM in correctional homes across the state and use its findings to build public support and political will to take the necessary action.

Saurabh has been associated with YKA as a user and has consistently been writing on the issue MHM and its intersectionality with other issues in the society. Now as an MHM Fellow with YKA, he’s launched the Right to Period campaign, which aims to ensure proper execution of MHM guidelines in Delhi’s schools.

The long-term aim of the campaign is to develop an open culture where menstruation is not treated as a taboo. The campaign also seeks to hold the schools accountable for their responsibilities as an important component in the implementation of MHM policies by making adequate sanitation infrastructure and knowledge of MHM available in school premises.

Read more about his campaign.

Harshita is a psychologist and works to support people with mental health issues, particularly adolescents who are survivors of violence. Associated with the Azadi Foundation in UP, Harshita became an MHM Fellow with YKA, with the aim of promoting better menstrual health.

Her campaign #MeriMarzi aims to promote menstrual health and wellness, hygiene and facilities for female sex workers in UP. She says, “Knowledge about natural body processes is a very basic human right. And for individuals whose occupation is providing sexual services, it becomes even more important.”

Meri Marzi aims to ensure sensitised, non-discriminatory health workers for the needs of female sex workers in the Suraksha Clinics under the UPSACS (Uttar Pradesh State AIDS Control Society) program by creating more dialogues and garnering public support for the cause of sex workers’ menstrual rights. The campaign will also ensure interventions with sex workers to clear misconceptions around overall hygiene management to ensure that results flow both ways.

Read more about her campaign.

MH Fellow Sabna comes with significant experience working with a range of development issues. A co-founder of Project Sakhi Saheli, which aims to combat period poverty and break menstrual taboos, Sabna has, in the past, worked on the issue of menstruation in urban slums of Delhi with women and adolescent girls. She and her team also released MenstraBook, with menstrastories and organised Menstra Tlk in the Delhi School of Social Work to create more conversations on menstruation.

With YKA MHM Fellow Vineet, Sabna launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society. As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Read more about her campaign. 

A student from Delhi School of Social work, Vineet is a part of Project Sakhi Saheli, an initiative by the students of Delhi school of Social Work to create awareness on Menstrual Health and combat Period Poverty. Along with MHM Action Fellow Sabna, Vineet launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society.

As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Find out more about the campaign here.

A native of Bhagalpur district – Bihar, Shalini Jha believes in equal rights for all genders and wants to work for a gender-equal and just society. In the past she’s had a year-long association as a community leader with Haiyya: Organise for Action’s Health Over Stigma campaign. She’s pursuing a Master’s in Literature with Ambedkar University, Delhi and as an MHM Fellow with YKA, recently launched ‘Project अल्हड़ (Alharh)’.

She says, “Bihar is ranked the lowest in India’s SDG Index 2019 for India. Hygienic and comfortable menstruation is a basic human right and sustainable development cannot be ensured if menstruators are deprived of their basic rights.” Project अल्हड़ (Alharh) aims to create a robust sensitised community in Bhagalpur to collectively spread awareness, break the taboo, debunk myths and initiate fearless conversations around menstruation. The campaign aims to reach at least 6000 adolescent girls from government and private schools in Baghalpur district in 2020.

Read more about the campaign here.

A psychologist and co-founder of a mental health NGO called Customize Cognition, Ritika forayed into the space of menstrual health and hygiene, sexual and reproductive healthcare and rights and gender equality as an MHM Fellow with YKA. She says, “The experience of working on MHM/SRHR and gender equality has been an enriching and eye-opening experience. I have learned what’s beneath the surface of the issue, be it awareness, lack of resources or disregard for trans men, who also menstruate.”

The Transmen-ses campaign aims to tackle the issue of silence and disregard for trans men’s menstruation needs, by mobilising gender sensitive health professionals and gender neutral restrooms in Lucknow.

Read more about the campaign here.

A Computer Science engineer by education, Nitisha started her career in the corporate sector, before realising she wanted to work in the development and social justice space. Since then, she has worked with Teach For India and Care India and is from the founding batch of Indian School of Development Management (ISDM), a one of its kind organisation creating leaders for the development sector through its experiential learning post graduate program.

As a Youth Ki Awaaz Menstrual Health Fellow, Nitisha has started Let’s Talk Period, a campaign to mobilise young people to switch to sustainable period products. She says, “80 lakh women in Delhi use non-biodegradable sanitary products, generate 3000 tonnes of menstrual waste, that takes 500-800 years to decompose; which in turn contributes to the health issues of all menstruators, increased burden of waste management on the city and harmful living environment for all citizens.

Let’s Talk Period aims to change this by

Find out more about her campaign here.

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A former Assistant Secretary with the Ministry of Women and Child Development in West Bengal for three months, Lakshmi Bhavya has been championing the cause of menstrual hygiene in her district. By associating herself with the Lalana Campaign, a holistic menstrual hygiene awareness campaign which is conducted by the Anahat NGO, Lakshmi has been slowly breaking taboos when it comes to periods and menstrual hygiene.

A Gender Rights Activist working with the tribal and marginalized communities in india, Srilekha is a PhD scholar working on understanding body and sexuality among tribal girls, to fill the gaps in research around indigenous women and their stories. Srilekha has worked extensively at the grassroots level with community based organisations, through several advocacy initiatives around Gender, Mental Health, Menstrual Hygiene and Sexual and Reproductive Health Rights (SRHR) for the indigenous in Jharkhand, over the last 6 years.

Srilekha has also contributed to sustainable livelihood projects and legal aid programs for survivors of sex trafficking. She has been conducting research based programs on maternal health, mental health, gender based violence, sex and sexuality. Her interest lies in conducting workshops for young people on life skills, feminism, gender and sexuality, trauma, resilience and interpersonal relationships.

A Guwahati-based college student pursuing her Masters in Tata Institute of Social Sciences, Bidisha started the #BleedwithDignity campaign on the technology platform Change.org, demanding that the Government of Assam install
biodegradable sanitary pad vending machines in all government schools across the state. Her petition on Change.org has already gathered support from over 90000 people and continues to grow.

Bidisha was selected in Change.org’s flagship program ‘She Creates Change’ having run successful online advocacy
campaigns, which were widely recognised. Through the #BleedwithDignity campaign; she organised and celebrated World Menstrual Hygiene Day, 2019 in Guwahati, Assam by hosting a wall mural by collaborating with local organisations. The initiative was widely covered by national and local media, and the mural was later inaugurated by the event’s chief guest Commissioner of Guwahati Municipal Corporation (GMC) Debeswar Malakar, IAS.

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