This post has been self-published on Youth Ki Awaaz by Happy Writer. Just like them, anyone can publish on Youth Ki Awaaz.

I Now Believe In Love At First Sight, An Infant Ensured I Did

I was a career oriented, go-getter, big dreamer, feminist, living life king size kind of a person, that is before I got married to the man I loved.

I liked to think of myself as this new age bride who walks shoulder to shoulder with her spouse, who contributes financially, helps her husband with ice in his whiskey. But as much as I would have liked it to last a bit longer, shortly after getting married, on one unexpected day I discovered that I was pregnant.

My world came crashing down. Not that I never wanted to become a parent, although I never quite liked children much, this day came sooner than I ever imagined. I wasn’t ready for it. I wasn’t ready to take up this huge responsibility of raising a child. I was supposed to work round the clock, drink hard I could on days I wanted to let my hair down, travel to international destinations with my bae, indulge in unhealthy food when I liked. But as truth be told, life is unpredictable.

After I made this huge discovery, the days ahead became very gloomy and unexciting. I loathed working late, preferred staying indoors and sleeping. I quit drinking, traveled less, became a selective eater as I was having a hard time keeping my food inside. I felt guilty of not getting excited about anything, especially seeing my overly excited husband who loved kids and couldn’t wait to start his own family someday. Lucky for him, it couldn’t have been any sooner than this.

I never sang to my pregnant belly, never touched it lovingly, never shopped for the soon to arrive and resorted to the passed on clothes. I never really tried hard to make this pregnancy a special one as I never felt any connection, not even on the day of delivery as I didn’t go into labour. I had an emergency c-section because of fetal distress. Well as I lay on the OT table, I was numb but could hear the sound of instruments clanking, tissues tearing apart, I could smell the burnt skin and finally, I heard his first cry. I felt… nothing!

Everyone in the room congratulated me, said I did well. That was funny because all I did there was play dead. Anyway, the sisters holding him brought him close to me to show his genitals as I was getting stitched back. They held him a little longer than required and to escape the awkward gap in time, I planted a kiss on his forehead. They took him away to get him ready for the visitors waiting impatiently along with my nervous husband who refused to come inside the OT because he didn’t think he could see all that blood. I wonder how men can act all sensitive and get away with it without getting any eyebrows raised and some women are frowned upon when they choose to get epidural or spinal. Well, there are even people who say women who undergo c-section or opt for anesthesia do not ‘give birth’. Giving birth means going through all that pain to push out a human. I didn’t go through that pain but I sure did give birth.

As I was getting stitched I remembered how I planted that kiss and our eyes met. I started studying the details of that short encounter. It’s been more than one year but I still remember it vividly. Because that was the moment I felt the connection I always wanted to when he was inside my belly. His eyes were half shut and they pierced into mine. He was crying before our eyes met but became calm when he looked at me. It was as if he trusted no one but me. By the time the surgeons were done I was rolled back to my room and throughout the way, I kept thinking of our little eye contact. I wanted to see more of him. He was with my aunt. Cocooned inside a blanket. I asked her to put him next to me. I saw him again and again and again. He resembled no one. But it was too soon to tell. He smiled in his sleep and I laughed. He pouted and I laughed. He tried to move his body against the tightly wrapped swaddle but was unhappy that he couldn’t. He opened his eyes and saw me. I looked at him with a smile and tears in my eyes and I kissed him. Only this time it was sealed with a promise that I will continue to love him with all my heart and soul and will take a bullet for him if I have to. It was pure love and my first ever ”love at first sight”.

You must be to comment.

More from Happy Writer

Similar Posts

By Arth Malani

By Priya Lakshminarasimhaiah

By Riya Gadhavi

Wondering what to write about?

Here are some topics to get you started

Share your details to download the report.









We promise not to spam or send irrelevant information.

Share your details to download the report.









We promise not to spam or send irrelevant information.

An ambassador and trained facilitator under Eco Femme (a social enterprise working towards menstrual health in south India), Sanjina is also an active member of the MHM Collective- India and Menstrual Health Alliance- India. She has conducted Menstrual Health sessions in multiple government schools adopted by Rotary District 3240 as part of their WinS project in rural Bengal. She has also delivered training of trainers on SRHR, gender, sexuality and Menstruation for Tomorrow’s Foundation, Vikramshila Education Resource Society, Nirdhan trust and Micro Finance, Tollygunj Women In Need, Paint It Red in Kolkata.

Now as an MH Fellow with YKA, she’s expanding her impressive scope of work further by launching a campaign to facilitate the process of ensuring better menstrual health and SRH services for women residing in correctional homes in West Bengal. The campaign will entail an independent study to take stalk of the present conditions of MHM in correctional homes across the state and use its findings to build public support and political will to take the necessary action.

Saurabh has been associated with YKA as a user and has consistently been writing on the issue MHM and its intersectionality with other issues in the society. Now as an MHM Fellow with YKA, he’s launched the Right to Period campaign, which aims to ensure proper execution of MHM guidelines in Delhi’s schools.

The long-term aim of the campaign is to develop an open culture where menstruation is not treated as a taboo. The campaign also seeks to hold the schools accountable for their responsibilities as an important component in the implementation of MHM policies by making adequate sanitation infrastructure and knowledge of MHM available in school premises.

Read more about his campaign.

Harshita is a psychologist and works to support people with mental health issues, particularly adolescents who are survivors of violence. Associated with the Azadi Foundation in UP, Harshita became an MHM Fellow with YKA, with the aim of promoting better menstrual health.

Her campaign #MeriMarzi aims to promote menstrual health and wellness, hygiene and facilities for female sex workers in UP. She says, “Knowledge about natural body processes is a very basic human right. And for individuals whose occupation is providing sexual services, it becomes even more important.”

Meri Marzi aims to ensure sensitised, non-discriminatory health workers for the needs of female sex workers in the Suraksha Clinics under the UPSACS (Uttar Pradesh State AIDS Control Society) program by creating more dialogues and garnering public support for the cause of sex workers’ menstrual rights. The campaign will also ensure interventions with sex workers to clear misconceptions around overall hygiene management to ensure that results flow both ways.

Read more about her campaign.

MH Fellow Sabna comes with significant experience working with a range of development issues. A co-founder of Project Sakhi Saheli, which aims to combat period poverty and break menstrual taboos, Sabna has, in the past, worked on the issue of menstruation in urban slums of Delhi with women and adolescent girls. She and her team also released MenstraBook, with menstrastories and organised Menstra Tlk in the Delhi School of Social Work to create more conversations on menstruation.

With YKA MHM Fellow Vineet, Sabna launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society. As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Read more about her campaign. 

A student from Delhi School of Social work, Vineet is a part of Project Sakhi Saheli, an initiative by the students of Delhi school of Social Work to create awareness on Menstrual Health and combat Period Poverty. Along with MHM Action Fellow Sabna, Vineet launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society.

As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Find out more about the campaign here.

A native of Bhagalpur district – Bihar, Shalini Jha believes in equal rights for all genders and wants to work for a gender-equal and just society. In the past she’s had a year-long association as a community leader with Haiyya: Organise for Action’s Health Over Stigma campaign. She’s pursuing a Master’s in Literature with Ambedkar University, Delhi and as an MHM Fellow with YKA, recently launched ‘Project अल्हड़ (Alharh)’.

She says, “Bihar is ranked the lowest in India’s SDG Index 2019 for India. Hygienic and comfortable menstruation is a basic human right and sustainable development cannot be ensured if menstruators are deprived of their basic rights.” Project अल्हड़ (Alharh) aims to create a robust sensitised community in Bhagalpur to collectively spread awareness, break the taboo, debunk myths and initiate fearless conversations around menstruation. The campaign aims to reach at least 6000 adolescent girls from government and private schools in Baghalpur district in 2020.

Read more about the campaign here.

A psychologist and co-founder of a mental health NGO called Customize Cognition, Ritika forayed into the space of menstrual health and hygiene, sexual and reproductive healthcare and rights and gender equality as an MHM Fellow with YKA. She says, “The experience of working on MHM/SRHR and gender equality has been an enriching and eye-opening experience. I have learned what’s beneath the surface of the issue, be it awareness, lack of resources or disregard for trans men, who also menstruate.”

The Transmen-ses campaign aims to tackle the issue of silence and disregard for trans men’s menstruation needs, by mobilising gender sensitive health professionals and gender neutral restrooms in Lucknow.

Read more about the campaign here.

A Computer Science engineer by education, Nitisha started her career in the corporate sector, before realising she wanted to work in the development and social justice space. Since then, she has worked with Teach For India and Care India and is from the founding batch of Indian School of Development Management (ISDM), a one of its kind organisation creating leaders for the development sector through its experiential learning post graduate program.

As a Youth Ki Awaaz Menstrual Health Fellow, Nitisha has started Let’s Talk Period, a campaign to mobilise young people to switch to sustainable period products. She says, “80 lakh women in Delhi use non-biodegradable sanitary products, generate 3000 tonnes of menstrual waste, that takes 500-800 years to decompose; which in turn contributes to the health issues of all menstruators, increased burden of waste management on the city and harmful living environment for all citizens.

Let’s Talk Period aims to change this by

Find out more about her campaign here.

Share your details to download the report.









We promise not to spam or send irrelevant information.

A former Assistant Secretary with the Ministry of Women and Child Development in West Bengal for three months, Lakshmi Bhavya has been championing the cause of menstrual hygiene in her district. By associating herself with the Lalana Campaign, a holistic menstrual hygiene awareness campaign which is conducted by the Anahat NGO, Lakshmi has been slowly breaking taboos when it comes to periods and menstrual hygiene.

A Gender Rights Activist working with the tribal and marginalized communities in india, Srilekha is a PhD scholar working on understanding body and sexuality among tribal girls, to fill the gaps in research around indigenous women and their stories. Srilekha has worked extensively at the grassroots level with community based organisations, through several advocacy initiatives around Gender, Mental Health, Menstrual Hygiene and Sexual and Reproductive Health Rights (SRHR) for the indigenous in Jharkhand, over the last 6 years.

Srilekha has also contributed to sustainable livelihood projects and legal aid programs for survivors of sex trafficking. She has been conducting research based programs on maternal health, mental health, gender based violence, sex and sexuality. Her interest lies in conducting workshops for young people on life skills, feminism, gender and sexuality, trauma, resilience and interpersonal relationships.

A Guwahati-based college student pursuing her Masters in Tata Institute of Social Sciences, Bidisha started the #BleedwithDignity campaign on the technology platform Change.org, demanding that the Government of Assam install
biodegradable sanitary pad vending machines in all government schools across the state. Her petition on Change.org has already gathered support from over 90000 people and continues to grow.

Bidisha was selected in Change.org’s flagship program ‘She Creates Change’ having run successful online advocacy
campaigns, which were widely recognised. Through the #BleedwithDignity campaign; she organised and celebrated World Menstrual Hygiene Day, 2019 in Guwahati, Assam by hosting a wall mural by collaborating with local organisations. The initiative was widely covered by national and local media, and the mural was later inaugurated by the event’s chief guest Commissioner of Guwahati Municipal Corporation (GMC) Debeswar Malakar, IAS.

Sign up for the Youth Ki Awaaz Prime Ministerial Brief below