Every year lakhs of people take the Civil Services exam and only a handful make it to the list. The competition is cut-throat. Successful people get the red carpet treatment-interviews, seminars, workshops. They serve as a source of inspiration for everyone. Tales of people who overcome extraordinary adversity to make it to the top are widely circulated. While we must celebrate success, it is also important to spare a thought for those who don’t make the cut. My relentless pursuit of the exam, despite the setbacks, has put me in a strange position where I find myself as the poster child of failure amongst near and dear ones. I have involuntarily acquired a new reputation for being a pro at failure. I am hoping it’s temporary! I think it is important to talk about failure and not feel embarrassed about it. Here is a glimpse at my civil services journey, coming to terms with failure and a few thoughts on how best to handle it.
Taking the civil services exam has been a personal ambition for me. I quit my job for the exam and dived headlong into it. For the entire duration of my journey, I have worked quite hard and made sincere attempts. The first time that I did not get through, it was okay. It did not feel too bad. I told myself that I had a lot more to read. Besides, not many people crack it in the first attempt. I also consoled myself saying that at least I cracked prelims. The second time around, it felt horrible. Failure struck hard. I could not figure out why I did not do well in certain areas. I was struggling with borderline depression and occasional suicidal thoughts. At this point, your friends are still rooting for you. By the time you are taking the third attempt, you are already sort of addicted to the exam. You don’t want to lose the fight. You are salvaging your pride. You get customary wishes right before the exams. In your heart of hearts, you are still hoping that things might turn around. In all fairness that is how it goes for many.
By the time you are writing your fourth attempt, you are not even sure why you are writing the exam. Surviving an occasional failure is easy for most, but surviving back to back failure can break down the toughest of people. You just want to make sure that you do not have any regrets later. You are scared of catching up with the real world outside and trying to postpone it. The wishes dry up. Only your closest bunch of friends are checking on you. Your relatives have already given up on you and are advocating marriage as redemption and social security. Your life has become confined to your room. You have consulted a hundred astrologers and you have been considering changing your name as per numerology. You lose your sense of time and by the time you are done with your fourth attempt, it’s been five years in the outside world. Five long long years!! Half a decade! National elections are again round the corner. People have gotten married, travelled the world and got promoted. Some may have even popped babies. Your bank balance is negligible. After being out of the job market for 5 years, it is not going to be easy to go back to a job. It is a difficult situation. Pondering over all that is wrong with the Civil Services examination won’t help. You have to get yourself together. No one else can do it for you.
- You have to tell yourself that it is okay to fail. There is no other way. There is too much emphasis on success in our society. But failure is as much a part of life as is success. Sadly there is no focus on real-life coping mechanisms in our school curriculum.
- Don’t take your failure personally. Don’t let one exam decide the course of your life. Don’t let it be a measure of your merit or your potential. Abandon any self-limiting belief at the earliest. Hold on to your self-confidence.
- People make tough decisions all the time. Sometimes they work out and sometimes they don’t. Don’t be too harsh on yourself. Be proud of yourself that you had the courage to pursue something that mattered to you.
- Self-motivate. Browsing through failure quotes can help you put the gloomy days behind you. This is my personal favourite-‘The greatest glory in living lies not in never failing but in rising every time we fall”-Ralph Waldo Emerson.
- Spend time with family. In the hardest of times, it is family that we fall back upon. Nothing is as reassuring and comforting than to have family around.
- Go on a vacation. Nothing lightens up a heavy heart like a bright blue ocean on a sunny day! It need not be exotic (given your dire financial condition). Even a simple one will do the magic. Throw in some coconut water for faster recovery!!
- Work out. Any form of physical activity is good for the body and takes the mind off negative thoughts. It also lowers stress levels.
- Do reflect on what should have been done better to ace the exam. Learning from failure minimizes heart-ache. The lessons learnt are deep and will last you a lifetime. The weaknesses are something that you must work upon and overcome.
- Practice gratitude. While you may prefer yelling at God for having failed you, it’s important to remember that there are many things that you should be thankful for. All is not lost. Take a walk outside to see how cruel life can be.
- Do not compare your condition to that of anyone else (although you may be tempted to). It will make you feel downright miserable. Don’t hold grudges against them for their happiness or feel jealous. You have to live your own life. Successes and failures included. Don’t compromise on your moral values in hard times. You are made of tougher substance.
- Don’t dwell too much on your past achievements. Make your peace with what life is offering you at the moment while keeping a sharp eye for fresh opportunities. Don’t stop putting in your 100%.
- You could try Vipasanna meditation. It may just work for you. Who knows. It seems to be working for Rahul Gandhi! Cheer up!! Life is beautiful. Time to catch up on all the movies and binge watch serials.
- Consider medical help if things get too difficult to handle.
- Patience. Patience. Patience. Time heals everything. It really does. You will remember this as a little misadventure when you are 60. It will not matter much.
- Eventually, everything falls into place but you need to make the first move-start applying for jobs, clearing out all the stuff. Time to move on!
Best Wishes.