By Chinmayee:
To escape the whole ladki dikhana (introducing potential bride) routine, *Chandrika, who works for an FMCG company in Ahmedabad, decided to put her own matrimonial ad in the local newspaper.
“Independent, working girl looking for a partner; caste/community no bar, men believing in an equal relationship with trust and love need reply”. Did Chandrika find her soulmate?
All Good Things
As I was packing my bags to leave Mumbai for good, a strong nostalgia engulfed me. The city was my home for five years. I thought of all the things I will miss about Mumbai – time with friends, the endless trips in the Mumbai local, the Ganesh visarjan and the pav bhaji at Chaupati.
I wondered if my life in Delhi would be the same with Mumma and Papa. Their only aim was to find a suitable match for me, but I wanted a good job, and maybe a boyfriend too? But Mumma said I need to lose weight as men don’t fall for girls who are overweight.
‘Dekhna Dikahana’
Two months in Delhi, I found a good job and life was different from what I had envisaged. I had newfound confidence, and my parents were treating me like a mature, independent woman. Papa also cajoled me into learning to drive!
But they had not forgotten about the marriage part. I was under constant pressure to lose weight, look good as my parents began inviting proposals from men of our caste.
Without even waiting for my approval, would-be-grooms and their parents would drop by on weekends, and alliances were discussed in the evening. I had to get dressed, carry a tray of chai-nashta and smile.
I tried reasoning with my parents, saying I feel embarrassed about this ladki dikhana ( thing, but they wouldn’t budge. “You are at a marriageable age. Either you find a groom or we do,” said Mumma.
Matrimonial Ad To The Rescue
A year passed by and I was tired of my parent’s desperation to get me married. Papa even tried to hook me up with Shashank, our neighbour’s son, who was just not the kind of person I would want to be with. That set something off in me. I decided to take control of the situation and I published the following ad in the Times of India:
“Independent, working girl looking for a soulmate, caste/community no bar, men believing in an equal relationship with trust and love need reply”.
I got an overwhelming response to my ad, and my parents couldn’t have been happier. Out of a whopping 400 letters I received, I decided to just randomly pick 100 letters to read. After going through them all, I chose to reply to eight letters to start a dialogue.
Roka Without Bride Or Groom
Siva was the one who corresponded often, mostly replying the same day. He lived and worked in Ahmedabad. Our letter-writing frenzy continued and we got close to each other. I would often wait desperately for his letter and so did he. Yes, we were soon in love with each other and confessed it too.
We had never met and only seen each other in photos. Siva told me in a letter that he was going to Lagos for a year-long assignment. My parents knew I was writing letters to Siva, but they did not know about our affair.
Mumma felt Siva was just fooling around with me. She even recounted numerous anecdotes of impostors who did the same with other girls. My parents insisted we do a ‘roka’ ceremony if Siva was serious. But Siva was unusual, the clamour didn’t affect him. He flew as planned, keeping me in the loop.
We decided that the parents could go ahead with the ceremony without both of us being present. So, a ‘roka’ was performed without the bride or the groom!
Also read: Hatred For Inter-Caste Marriages Took My Best Friend Away From Me
‘Lambi Judai’
After reaching Lagos, Siva stayed in touch and we continued writing letters the same way. He was sure about his love for me but was clear that he could get married only after a year and a half. Some thousand letters later, that day finally came. Our families met and we decided to get married the day Siva lands in India.
At my home, the plans were on in full spirits, but there was a cloud of suspicion whether the groom would actually arrive. I had never seen Siva in person, but I trusted him. So, cards were printed, halls and caterers were booked and a day before the wedding, Siva arrived at my house. That was the first time I actually saw him, and we got married the next day!
Today And Forever
It has been twenty years since and we now have two kids. We are planning to renew our vows on our 25th wedding anniversary this weekend.
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