By Karishma Jangid:
Until a few months ago, I had a badge on the strap of my bag, which said “FEMINIST”. A black badge with bold white letters. I never cared about the way strangers looked at it. A few of my male friends made a face when they saw my badge. Most of my girl friends liked the badge, while my parents straight up ignored it. I think this says a lot about the way feminism is perceived in our society. Since then, I have noticed how people perceive you if you call yourself a feminist.
I feel the word “feminism” has been polluted in recent times. There are many misconceptions about it, and most people think they hate the concept of feminism, whereas the truth is they don’t understand it.
I won’t tell you the various definitions of Feminism by famous sociologists, or the history of feminism in world. I won’t get into the politics of it. I am not even trying to educate you here, or trying to ‘brainwash’ you into joining the so-called ‘feminist cult’. This is just an attempt to tell you that feminism—more than any political concept or movement—is the only means some women have to safeguard their lives. Yes, we need to make ourselves safe because society is clearly not doing a good job of that. Feminism is half of the survivors of patriarchy standing up and owning their lives. Some people think Feminism is women vs men, and honestly, there is no worse definition than this. Feminism is people against patriarchy. Feminism is people against exploitation.
A friend of mine (who hates feminism from the bottom of his heart just because ‘a girl hurt him in the name of feminism’) asked me, “If women are fighting for equal rights, then why do you call it ‘Feminism’ and not ‘Equality’?” I thought about this question for months and I think the answer is, women don’t want to be equal to men. Men have their own struggles. They are victims of patriarchy and social conditioning. They are chained by stereotypes. We don’t want to be like men, we just want to be free. We want to be treated equally and have equal access to opportunities. I think Feminism is a lot about people marginalised because of their gender, coming front and centre, and stating that we can be free and no one has the right to control us. We own our bodies, we own our minds, we own our lives, and we are not asking for anybody’s permission. Now, this will only anger the people who want to control others, right? So, I think I am very clear here that men have nothing to fear, but patriarchal dictators will surely get pissed off.
It’s not a scary time for men, it’s a scary time for predators. Feminism is not about women hating men, it’s about women wanting to be treated like actual human beings. What’s wrong with that?
Some people think Feminism is about women wanting to be ‘modern’; it’s not. It’s about women deciding what they want to be.
Some people think Feminism is about women wanting to wear shorter clothes. No, it’s about women deciding whether they want to wear a burkha or a bikini, and you have no right to stare at her, body shame her, molest her, rape her, or do anything with her without her consent.
Some people think feminism is about wanting a ladies symbol in traffic lights, or wanting a female Santa Claus. No, that’s absurd. We want equal pay, strict laws against rape, and decent abortion laws. We see media ridiculing Feminism to a point where no one even tries to understand it.
Some people think the #MeToo movement was very biased, where women ‘destroyed men’s lives and careers’. The biggest problem here is you’re still thinking about men! A movement where women finally mustered up the courage to speak about the horrors they faced is still about men? Why? What about the pain that comes from sexual harassment that happens on a daily basis? Yes, daily basis. Every single day, I have men staring at me vulgarly, men touching me inappropriately in public places, catcalling, and there are multiple creepy DMs on my social media accounts asking me to send nude pictures. Why? Because the senders are men and they can do whatever they please? Well, this is what exactly we are trying to fight.
We’ve seen #HimToo as a response to the #MeToo movement. ‘ME’ doesn’t represent a gender. ‘Me’ can be male, female, transgender, or non-binary. #MeToo was a way for anyone to voice their story. Many men did voice their stories, and we supported them!
Another statement that arose is “Men also get raped”. We know that, trust us, we know that men get raped. As I mentioned above, men are victims of patriarchy too. But if you are only worried about men getting raped when you want to invalidate a woman survivor’s story, then I don’t think you are supporting men at all. Highlighting a woman’s struggle in no way diminishes a man’s struggle. Having empathy for a victim of sexual harassment should come without judging the victim’s gender. That’s logic, that’s common sense.
Some say that this entire feminist movement is headed in the wrong direction. Women just hate men and hold them responsible for everything wrong in this world when they shout “YES, ALL MEN”! But trust me when I say this, till date, I have never come across a single woman who says that all men are sexual predators. I have not met a single woman who hates men just for being men. They hate the injustice. In fact, we have been raised by men: fathers, brothers, uncles, male friends telling us to stay away from other men because they know how dangerous men can be. Never ever has my mom told me to stay away from other women in order to save myself from sexual harassment.
I read somewhere that gender is nothing but performance, yet another concept produced by social conditioning. This shook my inner feminist. Later I realised that even if most of us are performing as ‘males’ and ‘females’, each person should let others perform theirs the way they want. It’s a hard pill to swallow but controlling other people’s lives is wrong and unethical, whereas minding your own business should be the norm. People of every gender have their own problems. So, if anything, we can all be empathetic towards each other, because we know what being subjected to judgement feels like. Every human being can feel pain, irrespective of their gender, and all we need to do is stop fighting and respect others. In the end, it comes down to live and let live.
Karishma Jangid is part of Safecity’s #WritersMovement. She is a Mass Media student at K.P.B. Hinduja College. Born and brought up in Mumbai, she believes kindheartedness is the real beauty! She is passionate about mythology and literature, books and music. She wishes to share and gain knowledge, spreading smiles on the way!