I knew I will have to expiate for my wrongdoings at some point or the other. The lord knew of my scepticism about the existence of hell and thought it nice to dupe me on this big blue ball itself, probably just to get a kick out of it, and so the lord smirked as I agreed to watch ‘Simmba’ with my family.
With an unimpressive prescience, I already know somebody will comment that movies aren’t supposed to be politically correct and don’t have to appeal to everyone. Neither does this article, though. It is in that spirit that I am writing what will prompt many to use their creativity and throw some mirthful four letter words at me. I should at least feel good for those wise souls who haven’t yet watched the movie, since I am aware the almighty must have bestowed her blessings randomly on some people and saved them the ordeal. However, in what the lord will see as her good people showing her a middle-finger, many will take the time out of their schedule to watch the movie nonetheless. I am also aware that many will like it and yap about its action and the two-bit romance. I should at this point just admit that I am writing this to ruffle some feathers and henceforth get done with it.
I’m not going to spoil the movie for any of you out there. This piece can be safely read, not least because there isn’t much to spoil. The movie’s protagonist is a Police officer, the kind that I am apprehensive exists somewhere in real life, which is another testament to the shoddy system we have got that allows such blokes to join the force in the first place and do a disservice to the society. Simmba gets transferred to a random town and for once in his life decides to do his job and screw with the villain, for only one scene though. He then changes his mind and sucks up to the villain, all the while flaunting his impudence during his visit to their house, as he shoves him in their faces and orders his wife to serve him a cup of tea. I’m sure the ladies were happy with that. Getting a cup of tea ready was literally half of their role in the movie. After ogling the heroine for a while, Simmba decides to tell her that her best friend is too touchy.
At this point, I had almost expected her to know his ambitions and be on her toes. But alas, she turns out to be a dunderhead of equal proportions and falls with this dude in the snare people have come to call love. In fact, the entire town, by the end of the movie, turns out to be full of reactionary dunderheads, from the female police officers who cast doubt on the “mardaangi” of the rapists in the movie since the good fellow Simbaa jested that their penises weren’t functioning, to the ladies in the movie, all of whom were immensely insightful and had come up with the best solution to put an end to sexual violence i.e., just shoot the rapists dead, lol. Nothing wrong with that, I guess, except we all know our police force is as dodgy as could be.
I will have to admit though that the second-half was a little less torturous than the first one, and thankfully no fellow in the theatre decided to take out his phone and talk about his plans for the rest of the week in the middle of the movie; a fate I have come to face a bit too often.
It was quite a poetic justice to see the villains get put in their place, since our good fellow Simmba’s conscience had finally had enough. A typical sati savitri’s death was enough to light a match up his backside. In what seemed like an open threat to the judge as he asks her how she would have felt if it was her daughter at the receiving end of those barbarous acts, Simmba succeeds in getting another date for the hearing of the case. Nonetheless, he couldn’t see the desolated father of the woman when he, towards the end, loses it and asks for the gun so he can kill the rapists himself. Not before ordering the ladies for a cup of tea though. At this point, I had almost come to delude myself and thought maybe all the patriarchal drek in the first half of the movie was just to make us hot under the collar and prepare us for the subsequent evolution of the characters. This added to the collection of things I’m wrong about. What was I thinking, eh?
You might be now compelled to state that these were all characters and my dross “review” of the movie doesn’t count for much of a damn. If anything, it reflects my poor sense of cinema and lack of appreciation for Masaala movies.
I will concede, however, that the movie isn’t all that bad if you check your ideology (and your sensibilities and your politics and your taste for decency) at the door. I know the movie with all its faults manages to have us cheer for the good fellow Simmba when he beats the trash out of the bad guys. It certainly managed to keep my mouth shut following the movie and put a sheepish smile across my face. Since those around me liked the movie so much, that seemed to me the wise move, for the remaining options included rocking the boat or exposing my petty emotions and thereby making a butt of myself, both of which I have exhausted on other occasions.
We all should probably just get a sense of humour and get on with life. After all, it was just a movie and they don’t have to be politically correct. I am not even saying that isn’t a valid view. All I am saying is if you aren’t one of those lucky peeps who can do that then you perhaps do not want to watch it as I did. However, I do appreciate the execution, no pun intended, that kept the audience hooked.
It is my conjecture that at least some other peeps out there have had similar thoughts about the movie. But in (the highly likely) case I’m wrong, or worse, this piece just fails to attract any attention, I will just assume the almighty is trying to provide further proof of my dumbassery and do something better than posting mere blather on the internet. It is also my conjecture that those unthinking dorks who praise the most banal twaddle as good cinema as long as it’s either packaged as an “art film” or is Hollywood will jump on the bandwagon and hate on Simmba and possibly find this article agreeable, until they come to read this line, of course.
Let’s hope for good movies in 2019, if only to prepare ourselves for the bigger disappointments in life.