It was an ordinary night, my cousin had come over after a long time, so we were talking, laughing with loud music on speakers in the room. It was when she was telling me an interesting story of her hostel that I felt a sudden outburst of anxiety, my heart pounded faster, triggering breathlessness and a feeling of uneasiness. At first I couldn’t understand what was happening to me. It was unprecedented, such discomfiture I had never experienced before. I walked out of my room, putting my cell phone back in the bag. I didn’t know how to react?
I came out, standing for sometime in the balcony, taking deep breaths. But what could it be? Like others, I too have seen many ups and downs in life but what was afflicting me, this was adverse. The whole night I couldn’t sleep, and this continued for the coming few days. Then I Googled the symptoms, and came somewhere close to the conclusion that I had high blood pressure. This could be due to some subterranean perturbation, but this anxiety was new to me. I had no idea what had triggered it, I started thinking hard over it and was concerned about my mental and physical health.
I consulted a neurologist at a nearby super specialty health center. She was quite helpful, asked me several questions, and finally told me that I was getting panic attacks. Only God knew what was troubling me, until I realized that I was depressed and anxious about what was going on in my life. Life was too good when I was working, I had a regime, my to-do list for the day kept me going. There were challenges, happy moments, learnings and so on.
Nevertheless, we always find the grass greener on the other side, but this emptiness was killing me. No discipline, no wake-up time, I had left my job, to prepare for a national level competitive exam. I started spending the entire day with syllabus books, newspapers and a bit of internet surfing.
This felt good in the beginning as it came with some rest and naps as I pleased, unlike in my job. But as time passed, I realized that a person who has worked for a long time as a professional, cannot sit at home for long. So, this is what was troubling me.
In order to reach a solution one must know about the problem is. I had understood this affliction. But this depressing phase of life taught me a great lesson- every decision of life that we make comes with its own repercussions. Always think before acting. I had left my job after a careful contemplation but that didn’t go well with me, I got anxious sitting idle almost daily, doing nothing new.
Now what I need to share here is the fact that life gives us chances and opportunities, all we have to do is to make the best possible out of it! Never losing confidence in yourself is the key. I wanted my life back, my mental stability, that was lost somewhere. I started meditation with positive affirmations to manifest my being. It had a positive effect on my mind and very soon I found myself recovering from those panic attacks and dejection. I came out victorious. When I can, all of you out there grappling with depression and emotional breakdowns too can combat it. All you need is conviction, strength and a positive outlook.