I have this very annoying habit—I keep holding on to those people who leave me scarred and bruised. My birthday is the perfect day to revisit my failure pasts. I kept hoping that he might call me this time and wish me. I always knew somewhere in my mind that I would act strong and would not give him the slightest hint of my shattered heart. I would make small talk with him. After all, I was the one who needed to move on. It was not an easy life.
I was all over him when we were in college. I gravitated towards, him but our relationship never graduated from friendship. He was always my only distraction. In our ‘golden days’, we argued, fought, sang, laughed, and kissed. Later, I came to know how much he hated me for kissing him.
After a span of four years, our arguments turned into agreements, fights into understandings, song into poems, laughter into tears, and kissing into nothing (I wish I could say it turned into something else). Even after he got married, he wished me on my birthday. He talked to me in the familiar way he used to.
I wanted to move on from this mundane life of mine. So, in the last three years, I stopped wishing him on his birthday. But he earnestly kept discharging his duty on mine.
I kept it to myself that I want to end this relationship. Once, I thought that I would never let go of this person. But circumstances shaped our lives.
This birthday, he did not call me to wish me. No more birthday message from him. I don’t know what to make of this. I think he is safe and happy. Maybe he is looking after his new born baby. Maybe he has forgotten me. Maybe he is caught up in work. It still bothers me.
This is what I wanted for last three years. Or may be not.