“Aurat hi Aurat ki Dushman hoti hai!!(Women are each others’ enemy)” is a very common phrase that we all encounter every now and then. In fact, it’s not something rare to see how women demean each other in the worst way possible. We always say that patriarchy threatens the dignity of women, and how they are disrespected and humiliated by men. But if we talk about society, why do we forget that society comprises both genders. Women form the other half of society, and are to some extent, responsible for their own plight. We keep coming across incidents in our lives, where they can be seen shaming their own kind.
Of course, the indignities meted out to women by men cannot be justified in any way, but at the same time its a sheer irony that females are mean to each other as well. Over the years, as I grew up, I realized that a woman is judged on every account. Be it the way she dresses, walks, talks or the people that she hangs out with. No matter what we do, we are never good enough for society, and in case of any mishap, the fault always lies with us. But what is saddening, is the fact that even women brazenly shame each other, and perpetuate the patriarchal mindset further.
Following are the few categories of such women/girls who are bolstering the sexist mindset and making lives of their own kind miserable :
The gossipmongers: “Arey Ladkiyan toh gossip karti hain, (Women gossip)”, funny as it may sound, but there is no denying the fact that the phrase reeks of sexist prejudices. And the so-called ‘’gossip girls’’ or ‘’Gossip aunties’’ are well acquainted with this catchphrase. Let me elaborate who these people are; they are the one who will judge you no matter what. Even if you are slightly different from what is considered ‘conventional’, you will be on their radar. They are a bunch of women who have the notion that they can somehow change the way a person is, by demeaning them. Basically, they are bullies. And most of the time, their common victims are young girls’ and women who are trying to live their lives on their own terms.
The ones with judgy eyes: These women are not really gossip mongers. But they are the ones who have patriarchy deeply instilled in their mind. They will just stare down at you hard, and make you uncomfortable with the hate oozing out of their eyes. Social media is a platform where we often come across women spewing venom on each other.
‘’Itne chote kapde pehnegi, yeh toh hona hi tha (She was wearing such a short dress, the incident was bound to happen)’‘. And it makes me cringe that instead of condemning the behavior of the man or the perpretrator, they actually act as their personal advocates by justifying their actions. They somehow have this irrational notion that just because a woman is out at night, she is somehow responsible for the crime committed against her.
What a shame!!
The provokers and the golddiggers: They are basically ‘women’, who think that it’s okay to hit, burn or verbally abuse a woman or provoke someone to do so, for their own selfish motives. We have all seen and heard many cases, where a young bride commits suicide or is burnt alive, just because she didn’t bring enough dowry.
Some are beaten and gang-raped by their own family members, because of the same issue. Most of the times, in such cases, women(mother-in-law, sister-in-law) in the family provoke others against the victim, out of greed and jealousy. When these women make another women suffer, they are disparaging the entire womanhood.
And it is indeed despicable!!
The verbally abusive : ‘‘What a bitch!’’- why? Because she is looking prettier or has put forth her opinions more accurately than yours. ‘’Oh She is dating another guy today, what a SLUT!’‘- why? Because she was seen hanging out with some guy, other than her boyfriend. ”Have you seen her dress, it’s too short”. ”She is flaunting her legs to invite attention’’- why ? Because she chose to wear something that she really likes.
‘’Wo drink karti hai, Bevadi hai wo (She drinks, she must be loose)”- Why? Because she is drinking alcohol just like men. “Bahut bolti hai. Ladkiyon ko itna nahi bolna chahiye (She talks so much, girls should speak less)”-Why? Because she chose to put her opinion, instead of keeping quiet.
Now, my question is- in the era where we are talking about women-empowerment and feminism, why do we overlook the hatred and jealousy that few women have for each other? Why don’t we acknowledge this humongous problem in our own gender, where women are constantly bickering, bitching and spreading callous remarks against each other?
Words like ‘cat-fight, gossip girls, gossip-aunties, vamp, whore, slut, bitch’ have become so common in our daily dialect, that we no longer realize, how problematic and belittling of women they really are. Is womanhood really synonymous to these derogatory words? Where are the values that are supposed to bind us together, in our struggle against male chauvinism and sexism? Because honestly, the situation is becoming toxic day by day.
When women harass and deride each other, they give more power to the very forces that have been trying to subjugate them for centuries. We expect a man to respect us. We demand for it, we shout for it, so why the hell do we forget that women must also respect each other.
The world will see you the way you see yourself and treat you the way you treat yourself. Not everything is about society. When we are fighting for our rights, demanding justice for all the wrongs done against us, then why are we allowing our hypocritical and diabolical thinking hamper our growth?
Why instead of supporting and empowering, we are trying to muzzle each others’ opinions? On one hand we are condemning rape and sexual harassment, and on the other hand, we are calling each other all sorts of names.
Why is it so hard for us to mind our own business, and let others live, breathe and flourish?
These are some of the few questions, that we need to ponder upon deeply. Now it’s for us(women) to decide what we want in our lives and which side are we on. A side where we all are overwhelmed by suffocating societal norms, or the side where we support each other and make the world a better place.
Featured Image Credit : K3g(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZE20KqgmGs)